Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He's gone. It's the right thing. I have wine. Manly pat on the back please?

(9 Posts)
MeAndCoolioDownByTheSchoolYard Mon 04-Jan-16 00:11:17

We decided back in November to split after coming close but bottling it a few times in recent years. He found a flat available at end of Dec, we decided to enjoy a last family (as we knew it) Xmas together. Think we both subconsciously eeked it out as long as we could.

Now he's actually left. Flat is 5 mins drive away. I've given him bedding and towels and leftover homemade curry. The dog looked confused.

14 years. DCs are 7 and 18 months. They haven't picked up on a thing (probably because there's been zero drama and we've been 100% normal). We're going to tell eldest on Friday (EXH will be here and staying here most of the week, family visiting, we've decided to wait till the weekend to tell DD to avoid drama). I'm actually pretty confident she'll be ok. And DS definitely will. They're robust wee buggers.

There have been lots of things wrong in the last few years. We've been mostly content (i.e. sofa + Netflix comfortableness) but incidents of drunken unpleasantness, verbal abuse , bordering physical. Not coming home from nights out. Jealousy. No sex for 2+ years.

I am 99% certain it's the right thing to split. I'm also 99% certain (as is he) that we will still be close friends and great co-parents. Are we deluded?

But with zero family and very few friends where we are I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed right now.


Griphook Mon 04-Jan-16 00:20:29

You have done the right thing, as hard as it is now. It's a step in the right direction

Cel982 Mon 04-Jan-16 00:36:27

Well done. That can't have been easy at all, but it sounds like you're handling things really well. Do let yourself grieve for the relationship, though, if you need to; even though it sounds like the right decision, it's the end of something and that's always hard.

And then look forward. New avenues of possibility are open to you now, who knows where they will take you?

MeAndCoolioDownByTheSchoolYard Mon 04-Jan-16 00:38:29

Thanks Grip wine or brew

I agree. It is a step in the right direction. I really don't think I'd feel as calm as I do if it weren't the right thing for all of us.

One line I read on MN has stuck in my mind since the last instance of verbal abuse. "Someone who loved you wouldn't be capable of saying those words to you". Not verbatim but you get the gist. I used to think that things said when drunk didn't matter but not anymore.

tanyadm Mon 04-Jan-16 07:36:10

I am over a year on from exactly your scenario, exH and I are the friends and co-parents you aspire to be, and I am going on my first date this afternoon. You are not deluded, it can work out just fine if you acknowledge early enough that the relationship has died.

AmserGwin Fri 08-Jan-16 22:01:17

Well done. I am more than two years from this. There will be ups and downs but you have done the right thing, I haven't regretted it once. Ex is with someone else now, and they have a baby. They live a few hours away which helps. I'm turning 40 this year, and am yet to meet someone. I'm so glad I didn't waste any more time in the wrong relationship though, life is good smile
Hope thing work out for you

AmserGwin Fri 08-Jan-16 22:02:24


DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 08-Jan-16 23:50:55

Well done. DB & exSIL are three years in, he's become a decent Dad, she's met a lovely new chap who we all approve of, including DB.

Enjoy the wine and have a manly hug.

Malamutes Fri 08-Jan-16 23:58:54

23 years we've been together. Told him tonight and meant it. He now understands and accepts that we are getting divorced. Lots of history on here re. His behaviour. I too know it is the right thing but doesn't stop you feeling incredibly sad, wobbly and shell shocked to be honest.

All the best to you and fellow MNs, I have had so much wonderful support over the years and hope one day to post something happy!!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now