puzzled by someone ignoring me on facebook (yes, it's quite boring)

[loveitvmonkey]

Hi all, not anything dramatic or entertaining to ask really, just a bit 'hmm'. Had met a man two months back through work, but don't work together and don't live in the same town either.

Had a nice chat back then, but being in a rush it was brief. So I had friended him on FB, literally to continue that chat. I liked him and am single, so I did think on the lines of who knows, maybe it will go somewhere as I will see him again at some point, and if not we will stay friendly. He wrote back, I was surprised how pleased he sounded, quite chatty. So he friended me at that point. He could obviously tell I liked him as I made that first step.

Since then, I had joined in several chats that he took part in. Nothing heavy or serious. People involved in these short chats liked or replied to my contributions. What I don't get is, he never liked or replied anything I said in these chats involving others apart from one 'like' a while back, neither anything of my own! I once thanked him along with another person for a useful post, nothing in response. Just a strange stoney silence for over a month! He's never overly chatty to anyone in particular but he posts/chats daily even though briefly.

I now think he doesn't like me for whatever reason. That's fine, he's not obliged to like me at all! But I don't get why he hasn't blocked or unfriended me. Any thoughts? and should I never bother commenting/liking anything, or just carry on regardless of his non-reaction, maybe that's normal on FB?

[OverEmotinalmoo]

Leave him be. If he was interested in you romantically he would message you. He would keep the conversation going.

[sandylion]

He probably doesn't want to give you the wrong idea. If he was engaging with you perhaps you would be under the misguided notion he was interested in you. Which I doubt he is! Sorry! On to the next one my dear!

[nameschangerer]

You sound overly invested after one chat. Carry on doing what you want but stop treating Facebook as online dating.

[RiceCrispieTreats]

He enjoyed flirting with you that one time, but doesn't want any more. Happens all the time. Lack of romantic interest doesn't mean he should unfriend you, though.

Just move on. There's nothing to pursue here.

[N0More314]

I would hate that! People he knows will be wondering who you are and what you are to him. You're putting him in the position of having to explain who you are, or people assuming you're his gf. I have deleted people for that. I allowed a man I met on line on to my fb and he did that, acted like he was my best friend and he knew me really well. I deleted him. Mind you, I never liked him that much.

[loveitvmonkey]

oh he's definitely not interested romantically, can see that by now!

I thought if I was OTT, he would unfriend me by now?

sandylion so you think he is sure I'm being romantic? I haven't posted to him anything overtly flirty, I thought I could come across as being social/friendly. I would like to be friends, it's not 'romance or nothing'. But I can see your logic with giving me the wrong idea, maybe you are right and he thought I'm 'after one thing'

How can I sound just friendly then? I never had any concrete hopes, it was only a 'who knows what may happen', but I've dropped that now. Or should I give up on friends thing too?

[RiceCrispieTreats]

For your own sanity, just leave it. You're over invested, hoping for more, and spending way too much time parsing Facebook interactions. That way madness lies.

[loveitvmonkey]

Rice but if you don't unfriend someone, wouldn't you at least occasionally reply/like anything of theirs?

NOMore no way I sound like his GF or close friend, I don't post daily or get into each chat. And he could block me any time if he felt annoyed. I have only posted short messages there and often not directly at him but to people within the communal chat.

[ittooshallpass]

I'd give up on the friends thing too. Nothing is going to happen; like most people he probably has enough friends.

Your behaviour could be seen as a bit stalker-ish. I wouldn't be happy with someone I barely knew joining in conversations/ discussions I was part of.

You seem quite confident online, so why not just move over to OLD?

[loveitvmonkey]

ittoo I thought if someone friended you, they invite some prticipation in chats or they would like you own photos etc? Otherwise what is the point of friending (genuine questions, I'm not criticising)? Am I just naive and friending is for the numbers??

Needless to say, he didn't have to either friend me or write back initially, or keep me as 'friend'. That's why I'm puzzled.

[loveitvmonkey]

and yes, I'm thinking of trying OLD again after a very long break, last time I didn't get attracted to anyone I'd met (not many), it's hard to get excited about it. But should give it a chance.

[getmeoutofthismadhouse]

in my experience with men online especially fb they do most stuff via inbox and don't want other people (esp ladies) on their friends list seeing their business because usually they are chatting to other women too and loving the attention ... women can get strange when they see a man they are talking to "liking" other women's stuff etc so they keep it all in inbox !

[CainInThePunting]

There is most definitely a girlfriend/partner IMO. He is being polite but careful.

[DeckTheWallsWithLotsOfMolly]

Facebook doesn't work like that. Most people have a lot of friends. He's not thinking overly about whether or not to like something of yours or to chat with you... It's just what he happens to click on... It's hard to explain but after you've been on Facebook a bit longer you will get it. Don't worry, you've done nothing improper or inappropriate but neither has he!

[RiceCrispieTreats]

"Doesn't Facebook work like that?"

No. Many people are just friended cause it seemed the right thing at the time, and then are never interacted with again. In fact, you don't even see the posts made by most of your "friends" in your feed : only those you actually interact with. He may not even be seeing any of the things you post to FB.

[HortonWho]

Sorry what are communal chats? Are you on messenger with him and his friends chatting? Or do you mean you are commenting on his posts, then his friends reply to your comments but he doesn't?

[Thankgodforthat]

Yes friending is for the numbers a lot of the time.

[gamerchick]

Not everyone uses Facebook the way you do OP. It doesn't mean anything.

[BitOutOfPractice]

How did he know you "like him" just from a fb friend request. It was a friend request not an indecent proposal.

He clearly uses Facebook for light chat, not to conduct his love life or in the analytical way you do

He's not ignoring you.

Why should he block you or unfriend you? You only do that if someone offends / upsets you. I'm assuming you haven't.

You're reading far far too much into this. If you like him, give him a call and ask him out for a drink

[BitOutOfPractice]

*"People he knows will be wondering who you are"
*
Of course they won't. Most people have enough trouble keeping up with their own friends, let alone wondering about other people's. The op will just be s name on a thread like any other. Nobody will be "wondering"

[lighteningirl]

Leave him alone he's not interested and stop commenting/liking/thanking him and his posts you are coming over badly if he's noticing you at all, there is a perfect man out there stop wasting time on this one

[MrsHathaway]

He may have unfollowed you.

Facebook's algorithm may simply not be showing your posts.

Unfollow him if the matter is annoying or upsetting you. He'll still be able to contact you and you'd see if he had a change of relationship status or similar "major event" but you won't constantly be thinking about him.

[TooSassy]

He's not ignoring you OP. He's just not interested. If he was interested he would have asked you out by now.

He potentially doesn't see your posts
Or has unfollowed you
Or very rarely engages in FB despite having an account.

Myriad of reasons.

[CarnivalBearSetFree]

You sound like you put a lot of store in someone requesting/accepting to be your friend. I personally accept anyone who I have met in real life but rarely comment or like things unless my closest friends have posted them.

I think maybe he doesn't use Facebook like you do and he hasn't unfriended you because that would be quite mean after just becoming friends with you on there. Loads of people have "friends" that they haven't spoken to for years, they just haven't got round to having a clear out yet.

I think you've read a bit too much into a chat and a friend request but at least now you know.

[SelfLoathing]

if you don't unfriend someone, wouldn't you at least occasionally reply/like anything of theirs?

No. You sound way over invested - both in this man in particular and in Facebook in general!

I rarely reply or like anything people put on FB because the vast majority of it is self-interested self-promotional (look at me and my fun life!) drivel that fools no one.

I wouldn't unfriend someone because I don't care enough. I maybe would unfriend someone because we had a HUGE falling out but that's never happened.

The main point of FB as I see it is as information source about other people (knowledge is power!) and so you don't miss out on invitations from people who only organise invites via FB.

If it bugs you that much, unfriend him yourself. He'll probably not even notice, busy people with really fun lives don't live it via FB!