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Should I stay put for sake of my DS? So conflicted...

(4 Posts)
TinyDancer69 Sat 02-Jan-16 23:02:08

I have posted a few times over the last year or so. I'm sorry but I can't seem to paste links to previous threads 😕

A quick summary: I left my exDP 8 months ago, with our now 3 y/o DS. This followed a really quite emotionally draining and I guess bullying/EA since soon after birth of DS. Silent treatment, lying, cheating from when DS was 6 months old. My maternity leave was grim and I think I was probably on the verge of, or it was undiagnosed PND.

Anyway I have never regretted leaving and feel so much happier and at peace. My DS sees exDP every other weekend and usually overnight on a weekday. Until recently I did majority of drops offs etc, mainly due to his existing custody arrangement with his other DS from a previous relationship. He is now beginning to do more of the drop offs, and pays maintenance more or less on time each month.

I only live about 15 miles from him so the current arrangement I guess works on one level. However I have a strong pull to move to my home town where my family all live. I currently have no support with DS at and I do somehow manage, but it can get exhausting. Add that to the fact I spend a lot of time visiting my mum who has dementia but is still at home. My family live 40 miles away.

Job-wise I can probably come to an arrangement to move locations. But the problem is it would shatter the current contact arrangement and increase my driving and his. I think he'll be livid, he has form. Also most of my friends live about 15 miles from me, but on the other hand my sister would support me with DS. And I would have comfort of my family.

Is this selfish of me? Should I stay put for the sake of my DS' relationship with his DF and half brother? He is a good dad and I know DS enjoys his time there.

I am driving myself crazy thinking what is the right decision! Just looking for some clarity of thought...I keep going in circles...

Enoughalreadyyou Sat 02-Jan-16 23:59:44

Do what is best for you.

ittooshallpass Sun 03-Jan-16 00:20:06

Your DS needs a happy mum... move and be closer to your family.

TinyDancer69 Sun 03-Jan-16 11:21:03

Thanks for your responses. That's my gut feel too. Where I am is a lovely place to live with excellent schools and great for families. Which is why I moved here. But...I have no family and just one friend locally, and that's just not the same. The schools in my home town are not great and that is a worry - that I'd deprive DS of a potentially better quality of life. But I need to feel happy when I wake in the morning, and connected, and I'm not feeling like that. I also spend a lot of time visiting my mum and the drive is getting me down.

Thanks for replies. I have a lot to think about.

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