I don't know where to start and I have no idea if/how/why anyone would respond but I just need to get this down...
My step dad is very ill. He has tumours on his lungs (albeit slow growing ones). He can't have any treatment because he also has COPD. He currently has pleurisy and my mum has just called to say he's being rushed to hospital because he now has sepsis. All in all, things don't look good.
He was a vile, abusive man when I was a child. I left home at 16 and have maintained contact because of my mum. I hated him but as he has become an old and ill, I've softened slightly.
But I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about his likely impending death. I feel numb tbh.
I feel for my mum. My nan died yesterday and my grandad and aunt both died over the past couple of years. To lose her mum, dad, sister and husband within the space of 2 years is obviously devastating. I don't know how she'll cope. And then, this is the part that truly makes me a complete selfish bitch, I know she'll be relying and expecting so much from me (only child). I love her but our relationship is strained because she always sided with him, minimised the physical and emotional abuse she witnessed (and was also a victim of) and point blank refused to believe he sexually abused me.
Fuck this is long!!
Anyway. I'm a bit of a mess. I can't do anything practically right now. I'm on my own with sleeping dc's. I feel so bad for not ^feeling^ anything
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Abusive step dad dying - I don't know how to feel
38 replies
Tillyscoutsmum · 02/01/2016 22:17
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