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Overheard Sil talking about me, devastated

(237 Posts)
cocochanel21 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:00:03

This is my first time posting I really need some advice. Background I've been with my DH for 10 yrs married for 6. We both had DCS from previous relationships as we both were teenagers when we had DCS having a child together was never on the cards we were both happy with our lives.
Last year I fell pregnant, we were shocked after much soul searching and tears (me) We decided to continue with the pregnancy.
When I was 7 mths pregnant my DD1died suddenly i was devastated and the last 2mths of my pregnancy were horrendous i felt completely numb and just wanted to be with my DD.
My gorgeous DD2 arrived 5weeks ago i fell in love with her the minute i set eyes on her. I'm still Greiving and have bad days but I'm trying to get on with things.
Yesterday my 2Sils and a friend came for lunch i was upstairs feeding the baby when I came down they were in the kitchen talking about me and DD1. SIL was saying that i looked terrible and she didn't understand as DD had been a total nightmare and she was glad her brother didn't need to put up with all the trouble she had caused anymore. The other 2 never pulled her up.
I somehow managed to get through lunch then made excuses to get rid of them. I spent the rest of the day in tears and I've spent today wanting to go to her door and tell her I heard what she said.
I miss my DD1 so much and don't understand why somebody can be so cruel.I feel such a failure as a mum and my gorgeous LO is stuck with me.

FrostyNipples Sat 02-Jan-16 21:02:40

Fucks sake.

People can be cunts.

Sorry for your loss flowers

kippersyllabub Sat 02-Jan-16 21:03:08

thanks here's to happy memories you have of your dd1. What your sil said was crass and insensitive. I hope your new baby brings you happiness too.

raisin3cookies Sat 02-Jan-16 21:03:28

My heart dropped when I read that. I can't imagine how wrenching that must have been for you to hear. Some things should never, ever be uttered aloud. Hopefully the others in the room were so appalled by her lack of human decency that they couldn't formulate a response?!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you were a wonderful mum, and you will continue to be one. Go easy on yourself and take things one day at a

coffeeisnectar Sat 02-Jan-16 21:03:55

That is so out of order and so unforgivable. How you didn't rip her a new one I don't know.

Talk to your dh and confront her together.

I am so sorry about the loss of your dd, that's heart breaking.

hesterton Sat 02-Jan-16 21:04:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taylor22 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:04:18

I am so so sorry for your loss. 20yo BIL died when I was 9 months pregnant and it was horrific. I can not even begin to imagine the absolute agony and turmoil the last few months have been for you.

Firstly. Jesus fucking Christ what an absolute notch. Tell your OH what she said and that you never want to look at her again. I'd personally want to rip her ace off.

Secondly. If someone said something that evil and vile in front of me I think I'd be in shock. I wouldn't know what to say. I don't think I'd be able to form a sentence. Could that have happened to them?
Did you hear anything from them? Did they change the subject or did you come down the stairs?

12purpleapples Sat 02-Jan-16 21:04:40

Thats outrageously horrible. Unbelievable that the friends didn't call her on it. So sorry you had to hear that. flowers

SuburbanRhonda Sat 02-Jan-16 21:04:59

OP, so sorry for your loss flowers

Have you spoken to your DH about this?

N0More314 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:05:27

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter.

What your sister in law said was unbelievably callous and lacking in any sort of understanding.
You're not a failure as a mum. It must have been so challenging to be pregnant and grieving. flowers brew


daydreamnation Sat 02-Jan-16 21:06:19

Oh my goodness, what a vile person she sounds, I feel desperately sad for you having to listen to such bile angryHave you told your dh? If I was him and that was my sister, I would be horrified and would struggle to be in the same room as my sibling anymore.
I'm so sorry for your loss, the pain must still be so raw. Do you want to talk about your dd? thanks

BendydickCuminsnatch Sat 02-Jan-16 21:06:22

What the fuck. She is barely human, clearly.

WanderingTrolley1 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:06:24

What awful people.


Orange1969 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:07:11

Dear lord, that is appalling.

So sorry that, on top of the tragic loss of your child, you have to put up with such disgusting, evil twats.

ASAS Sat 02-Jan-16 21:08:06

Well for a start never cook her lunch again.

I'll be honest, for this I'd be thinking of cutting all 3 of them off.


littlemermaid80 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:09:01

Totally shocked that the others didn't say anything. What a vile thing to say.

Does she have form for saying hurtful, tactless things, or speaking thoughtlessly being a bitch?

I think I would have to say something to DH, personally. Has he asked you why you're upset?

flowers hugs to you.

DragonsCanHop Sat 02-Jan-16 21:09:23

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

Have you told your DH what she said, it's unforgivable and so insensitive sad

BahHumbugs Sat 02-Jan-16 21:09:24

Tell her you heard everything & tell her never to come near you again EVER.

Diggum Sat 02-Jan-16 21:09:27

Jesus Christ! That was unforgivable. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach reading that and I'm a total stranger.

I'm so so sorry OP- for your unimaginable loss, for having to hear that, for even knowing someone could dare to THINK that. You poor soul.

Tell your DH. Get a long cuddle and cry for your DD. You can figure out what you want to do about this later and with his help.

My heart goes out to youflowers.

alltouchedout Sat 02-Jan-16 21:10:02

That's appalling. What a fucking bitch. Talk to your DH, he needs to let that nasty piece of work know how despicable she is.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

FellOutOfBedTwice Sat 02-Jan-16 21:10:16

I'm so sorry, OP. In my opinion that's unforgivable. I'm not sure I would ever be able to speak to them again.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 02-Jan-16 21:10:53

God OP that's beyond awful.
Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.
You have enough to deal with you don't need her disgusting comments on top.
Speak to your dh- he needs to deal with her if you are able.
You don't have to deal with her-nc is an option you don't need this behaviour in your life.
I hope you are getting lots of support in RL x

llhj Sat 02-Jan-16 21:11:41

I think you need to speak to your dh and then perhaps he needs to speak to your sil. How totally devastating, I can understand your upset but clearly you built a good relationship with dd1 and will with dd2. Sympathies and congratulations iykwim.

luciole15 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:13:48

Sending you thanks. What an awful thing to hear. So sorry for all you've been through.

I wouldn't bother confronting them. Just drop them and if they ask you can tell them why. Save your energy to heal. I hope your DH backs you up.

More thanks and a peaceful 2016.

TheCraicDealer Sat 02-Jan-16 21:13:55

Please tell your DH, you shouldn't be bottling this up and trying to deal with it on your own. Thoughts are with you X

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