Hello, first time poster but long time lurker. Will try to keep it as brief as possible.
I've been in an off/on relationship with DP for about 5 years. We have 1 child age 4. Our relationship hasn't been easy, it has always felt like a struggle. When our child was a baby I moved to a new city, 2 hours away from my family to be with him as he felt isolated in my city. I've been here ever since and Iam now in my second year at uni here working so hard. I have to say I feel supported by him and his family since I've been here, his mum especially is a wonderful support and we have a great relationship.
He supports me through my studies and is a really great father to our child, however I constantly feel like he doesn't want to be with me. During the first 3 years of our relationship, iam ashamed to admit that I read his FB messages. He was constantly in touch with a couple of women, sending very flirty messages and saying what he would do if he wasn't with me. At the time I was so scared of him leaving and being on my own that I didn't confront him, I didn't do anything but kept checking his messages. Over the years he hasn't done much for my self esteem, constantly making comments about other women infront of me, talking about ex girlfriends obsessively and comparing me to them, hurtful comments about my weight. Whenever I used to dress up and initiate intimacy he would turn me down and he seems to enjoy doing this, blowing out my candle. It's like he's got to remind me that he's the catch and everything is on his terms. So I've stopped making an effort and now iam lazy and apparently it's difficult for him because he's got 'to get it up'. I finally confronted him about the messages and he dumped me, which is fair enough as I did breach his privacy for a long time. He then made a point of meeting up with this women he had been messaging and slept with her, then told me about how great it was then said he would give me another chance. At this point I was struggling and feeling so lonely that I let him come back.
I swore I would never read his messages again and I haven't, but I don't feel like I can fully trust him. We ended up breaking up again and I think I finally felt like I was strong enough to do it on my own. I had made 2 friends in this city and didn't feel as lonely, studying at uni and juggling this with being a single mum had boosted my confidence. I started online dating, lost some weight, felt like I was in control of my future. Meanwhile he was living on his own in a bedsit, drinking, smoking weed and texting me every day to tell me how suicidal he felt. How life is pointless if he can't be with me and DS (he had him every weekend at his mum's house). I felt guilty for being happy, my DS started mentioning why Daddy is sad? He spent 80 quid a week on weed and was no longer eating. He set up a fake online dating profile to try and 'catch me out'. It was intense and when he said he would stop smoking green if I would give him another chance I felt like I owed it to my son. So I did, even though I didn't really want to.
I took him back and now fast forward 8 months, everything has gone back to how it was. He doesn't ever want to do anything, he rarely helps around the house, we don't have a sex life, he waits until our son is in bed then it's straight on the xbox and drinking/smoking. I feel trapped, I feel like he will never let me go. He says iam needy and emotional and I suppose I am. I want to be with someone who wants me, who shares the same values and aspires more than living day to day.
I guess what Iam saying is should I just be happy that things are just okay? My son loves his Dad so much and they are super close, should I just put up with this for now as their both happy? Am I expecting too much? I think I am needy for love, I basically have no family support anymore. My mum lives in the states, my dad left a long time ago, my old friends are busy with their own lives. I have an emotional need to feel wanted and I don't know how to fill that need.
Sorry this is so long, I have tried to include everything but this is only a snapshot of what it's been like.
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Is it me? Am I too needy?
20 replies
Blueshoess · 02/01/2016 14:49
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