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Leaving after 10 years.....?

(6 Posts)
anjarose Sat 02-Jan-16 13:42:12

Hi looking for opinions please as I can't really talk about any of this due to my family loving my OH so much.

We have had a unusual 10 year relationship due to health issues and infertility ( low count for him and endo for me)
This all started out early on as I had awful periods we found out about the endo being bad then about him, we went ahead with TTC quite young from age 22 and I had my son aged 25.
During this time I asked when we would get married ( he's from a traditional family his side we waiting for it more than mine) he always put me off, soon/ later/ next year I promise when you have had the baby etc

Still nothing

About once or twice a year I raise it again and it's always yes some day / can't afford it etc
Last year he even said things like- you don't know what I am planning, of course I will, it will be a surprise etc
My self esteem is taking a bit of a hit tbh confused

Als have been TTC for another for 3 years we have been told the only way is IVF but OH point blank refuses this even though my endo is now not the reason for not be able to conceive only his count.
Meanwhile I am suffering very heavy painful periods as can't be treated for the endo when trying to conceive- sad

I resent that we have to do this all naturally when the odds of a natural conception as so very low, when I am putting up with something I could be after the baby and have drug induced menapause or surgery.

I feel the resentment us built up so much I feel there is no way on for us.
It's essentially lies he's telling, I don't want someone to need to be begged into wanting to marry me. I would rather be single forever than that.
Just gutted for my son
There's no shouting or arguments, no rows, I think I will just quietly say I feel we don't share the same goals, I don't feel loved I guess, he doesn't want marriage like he promised early on, he doesntreallywamtanother baby or he would try anything- so better part ways now...

Ticktacktock Sat 02-Jan-16 13:48:39

How old is hour oh? Has he been married before? Is it true that you can't afford it? What kind of wedding do you have in mind? A big white one, or a little register office do?

Ticktacktock Sat 02-Jan-16 13:49:28

Hour? Your...

ImperialBlether Sat 02-Jan-16 13:54:07

The thing about a wedding is that it's no good having one with someone who's halfhearted. If he doesn't want to marry you now, after ten years, it's unlikely he'll want to in another ten years and you'll have to listen to all those excuses again and again.

I can't understand why he wouldn't want IVF. Doesn't he want another child?

Sometimes relationships just come to an end. As you say, you have different goals. Not sure what his are, but they're not what yours are. Do you think you would be happier without him?

anjarose Sat 02-Jan-16 13:59:36

I'm not bothered about the kind of wedding, I just want him to want to marry me and for us to say those vows in front of a few people we love, have a little dance etc

Im his first partner ever he is 34

We could afford a little wedding - and even if we couldn't a register office and a pub meal would have been fine by me!!

I just feel it's almost gone too far now- and about I've he says he fundamentally disagrees with it now despite us signing papers for treatment before getting lucky naturally!!

anjarose Sat 02-Jan-16 14:00:13

About IVF I mean

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