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breaking up with partner of 7 years

(14 Posts)
dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 09:11:56

This is basically it. We are breaking up. I am 37 and he is 59. Apparently it's because I don't have a place of my own (I am a live in carer for my dad). The kids are "feral" (all 4 boys, arguments and SNs).
He has met someone new. She can go out drinking at the drop of a hat, she can go out and get drunk everynight to the point of blacking out because her kids are 15 and 20.
I also can't have Sex with him because of of living arrangements. He says I should steal the keys off my nan (she stays with us during the day) and have sex with him there.
The icing on the cake is that i'm pregnant. We had Sex once with contraception and I go pregnant.
He came round drunk one evening and tried to make me have an abortion. I think he was talking to the other woman and the way he was speaking it was like she was getting at him to get me to get rid of it.
What a bloody mess I am in!

He has two lovely son's. I am just so fed up.

dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 16:21:08

Does anyone think it's worth trying to work things out. Concentrate on the kids?

JE1234 Sat 02-Jan-16 16:25:40

Erm, no! He sounds like a complete arse. Why would you want to be with him if everything is on his terms? You're not someone's cast offs that he can just pick up once he gets bored of the OW. You're better off without him, you'll find someone better (and who won't need their nappies changing when you're in your 50s!)

hownottofuckup Sat 02-Jan-16 16:30:23

God no! He sounds fecking awful. Do what's best for you and the DC and leave him and the OW to it.
You can do SO much better than a DP that treats you like a bit of shit on his shoe.

dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 16:51:41

I thought I would hear something like this as a reply. I am mentally preparing myself for a separation at the moment because I can't meet his terms to the letter. I wonder if he's doing the teenage boy treat her like dirt to make her dump me routine.
Probably the best thing for me is to carry on caring for my dad, and spend more time with the kids.
It seems to be impossible to carry out his list of demands. Going out means leaving the kids with my 84 year old nan. She's fairly resilient, but I only like to leave the kids for 2-3 hours because they can get into fights. Most of the time they are good, but the older ones push their luck with her.
The older one's will help care for my dad (pushing his wheelchair to the loo in an emergency - only happened once), but I think it's a bit too much really.

I still have feelings for him. That's the confusing thing

JE1234 Sat 02-Jan-16 16:56:31

Stop making allowances for him for a start. He checked out of the relationship when he started messing around. You are being treated like shit, your life will be better without him. Walk away and leave him to his sad existence. You will meet someone who treats you the way you deserve.

Hissy Sat 02-Jan-16 17:45:28

Give very serious consideration to NOT saddling yourself, or some poor kid with him as a dad.

The last thing you need is another person to care for and you don't want him in your life, he sounds vile!

Please consider an abortion, for your own sake and that of your other children.

I do completely understand this may not be acceptable to you and I genuinely don't mean to offend, but a deadbeat dad is just bloody awful

PrincessBooBoo Sat 02-Jan-16 17:57:39

..and he is 59, not likely to change

witsender Sat 02-Jan-16 18:00:16

Do you mean after 7 yrs you have had sex once?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sat 02-Jan-16 18:04:45

How are you going to manage to 'meet his demands' when you add a newborn into the mix?

He sounds absolutely awful.

dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 18:21:17

Lol. No we haven't had sex only once. We have two children together age 4 and 6.

dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 18:29:29

I will plagiarise this thread when I have a "talk" with him. It's opened my eyes a fair bit because I thought I was at fault. The thing he keeps saying is i'm always putting other people before him. I should put him first. He keeps saying I put my dad and the kids first.
Reading through some of the threads by other posters, it does seem he is trying to blame me for something which is normal motherly/carer behaviour.

dentydown Sat 02-Jan-16 20:15:06

He wants to see his kids. I don't want them to see the OW. We are meeting at the park tomorrow. The thing is OW has the reputation for downing a bottle of JD! He keeps turning up here drunk eating a mint. Urgh! I'm trying to be the grown up reasonable one here and I just want to let his tyres down or stick a spud up his exhaust! (I wouldn't do that in RL)

something2say Sat 02-Jan-16 21:25:48

He is a selfish man child who doesn't like not having your nipple to suckle on whenever he likes it X

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