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Can't sleep with boyfriend...help please

(18 Posts)
fuckadella Fri 01-Jan-16 18:15:24

I left a very long marriage in which there was no intimacy whatsoever between me & my then dh. We had separate bedrooms for over 15yrs & never had sex. Now I'm divorced and have a lovely new boyfriend. The trouble is I can't sleep with him. Sex is ok but when it comes to sleeping I just can't. I'm so used to being on my own. The slightest noise or movement/ body heat & I wake up. It would be lovely to fall asleep cuddled up but I just can't manage it. Each time we try to sleep together he nods off & I end up staring at the ceiling all night long! It's so frustrating & exhausting. My heart starts racing & I guess my pulse goes up because I can feel my blood rushing around my body. I usually get up & take paracetamol to slow it down but I don't calm down enough for proper refreshing sleep, just enough for mini cat-naps. I just can't relax enough to sleep. Any ideas?

Ifiwasabadger Fri 01-Jan-16 18:22:34

I am the same...ear plugs are the only solution.

SeaCabbage Fri 01-Jan-16 18:27:23

I've had this but not nearly so bad. Give it time. As you get more used to doing it, you won't get so het up and anxious. But you'll have to keep practising and not give up!

Or you could try getting so drunk that you just pass out grin

fuckadella Fri 01-Jan-16 18:45:34

ear plugs aren't enough because it's also body heat & movement

HandyWoman Fri 01-Jan-16 18:50:07

How new is new? Maybe give it time? You having too many over nighters for the stage of relationship??

fuckadella Fri 01-Jan-16 19:03:31

a few months but we get along sooo well.

TokenGinger Fri 01-Jan-16 19:14:16

It took me a few months to sleep nicely with DP after being single for a couple of years. However, I have now got in to the habit of sleeping with my arms over my ears to block out any noise which makes me an even worse sleeper in general. Even when alone now, I can't sleep without my ears being covered. So frustrating. But at least I sleep smile

Crinkle77 Fri 01-Jan-16 20:13:20

I can sympathise as I have the same problem. Am a very light sleeper so have to wear ear plugs even to get a half decent night sleep. Even then I wake up several times in the night everytime he moves or makes a noise. I am thinking a bigger bed might help.

Cloppysow Fri 01-Jan-16 20:17:26

Does paracetamol slow your heart?

Ticktacktock Fri 01-Jan-16 20:18:32

Either a king size bed, one that zips down the middle to minimise movement felt, two single beds pushed together, or separate rooms to sleep in after you've finished shagging.

Ifiwasabadger Sat 02-Jan-16 11:51:23

We have a super king sized bed to combat the heat and movement, it's the only way!

Samantha28 Sat 02-Jan-16 11:57:10

Lots of people sleep in separate beds and are very happy . It doesn't stop you getting together for sex or cuddles

ijustwannadance Sat 02-Jan-16 11:59:57

I'm a very light sleeper and general insomniac. Seperate beds are sometimes very neccessary.

Noneedforasitter Sat 02-Jan-16 14:49:02

Melatonin is fantastic for getting to sleep. Prescription in the UK, but OTC in the US.

ShelaghTurner Sat 02-Jan-16 14:53:39

DH and I are both light sleepers and don't sleep well together. So at the moment I co sleep with the dds and he sleeps in the spare room. It works extremely well for us and we still manage lots of sex and affection. I do miss waking up and having a snuggle but he often creeps into the bed once the dds are up. It just requires a bit of extra thought.

TheBunnyOfDoom Sat 02-Jan-16 14:54:59

It took me a while to adjust to sharing a bed with DP. I would recommend either separate duvets and a kingsize bed, or two single mattresses on a big bed frame so you have your own "space".

I've adjusted now but I found it hard at first. Now I find it really hard to sleep if DP isn't there unless he's snoring.

Offred Sat 02-Jan-16 20:39:43

I'm a bit like this. I haven't spent more time sleeping alone than with someone, it's roughly equal, but I have had the same problem all my life and with different partners and with my DC.

I have insomnia too which comes and goes.

I just don't sleep well when someone is in my bed, I end up tired for days after one night and can't function.

I don't know what the solution is. I just put up with it generally but it has contributed to my desire never to live with anyone again!

loveitvmonkey Sun 03-Jan-16 12:20:27

definitely two beds pushed together and separate duvets. Still gives a feeling of togetherness. Or adjacent rooms if he'd be happy with that.

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