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Emotionally unavailable men, hurting and don't know how to stop feeling so lonely.

(3 Posts)
Fckup Fri 01-Jan-16 12:49:53

I have, thanks to the wisdom of MN, realised why all 3 of my relationships since I left my abusive exhb failed. It wasn't all my fault, it wasn't because I texted too much or not enough, or demanded too much or didn't give enough. It was because they weren't available. 1 has just been left by his girlfriend, the other was still grieving for his wife and the 3rd was married and wanted me to share him. I feel so sad to have wasted so much time and have no idea how to move forward, or if I even want to. My gut feeling is concentrate on my DC and my career but I miss having a partner, on all levels, even if they have been emotionally unavailable, I still miss the scraps they gave me.

Supermanspants Fri 01-Jan-16 12:57:22

Any reason why you have started an identical second thread?

Cabrinha Fri 01-Jan-16 13:36:10

Can we please all stop with the "emotionally unavailable men" shit?

Because frankly, that's part of the reason why you - and others, I'll include myself in that - end up making some very stupid choices.

Yeah, there are some genuinely emotionally available men. They hang out with the genuine commitment phobes. You know the ones who actually aren't available emotionally and don't want to commit, so don't lie and bullshit that they do?

Here's a tip: if a man (your #3 for example) says he's your soulmate, then he doesn't get to claim to be, or get to be described by you as "emotionally unavailable".

New rule for 2016: if you are a MARRIED MAN, we also don't get to describe you as commitment phobic or emotionally unavailable.

OP, it just feeds the drama, romanticises them being arseholes, and makes us think that it'll be different with us, we can break through to them, we can save them"

No, we can't.

Because 99% aren't genuinely "emotionally unavailable" hmm and the 1% that are need therapy, not a girlfriend. Or at the very least, both.

And among the 99% of faux-unavailables... Let's all be honest.
There's a split - maybe:
95% aren't unavailable, they're just not that into us, but we don't want to admit it, for our reasons.
And 4% are married cunts who don't give a fuck.

I'm making up stats here, but you get my drift.

Stop pussyfooting around TO YOURSELF with statements like "he wanted to share me". No, he was a selfish married cunt who wanted to be married and get sex on the side. When you see these men for what they are, you run faster - and you move on faster.

Go with your gut. Children and career - and add a third C. If this all started - this chain of bad relationships and affairs - with an abusive relationship - COUNSELLING. Treat yourself better. Treat yourself to counselling.

Look forward not back for 2016.

Who gives a fuck whether 3 exes ago got dumped? Why do you care? Move on!

I promise you will be less lonely in 2016 if you run a fucking mile at the first time (and be honest, the very first time) you think "oh he's emotionally unavailable". (Ditto commitment phobes!)

Good luck for 2016! Make it about YOU, not about MEN.

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