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Is there life after a divorce?...

(13 Posts)
Harrydea Fri 01-Jan-16 03:02:49

After dedicating 15 years to my soon to be ex partner, and having a beautiful child, she has now decided to initiate a divorce - anticipating me due to the fact she is impossible to be around and I've had enough.

This means I must leave her home, and lose contact for some time with my little one, as I will need ro move far away. This is painful to accommodate and I can't seem to see any way of starting again. I remained faithful throughout the relationship, and averted my gaze to interested women even when the jealous wife was not with me and now I am unable to approach women, for fear that I will be hirt again. Add to that I am 45 years old, I feel all hopes of ever having a new relationship are as remote as a polar bear in the Arctic...

I just wanted to know if what I suspect is true, and whether I should buy a piar of thermal underpants and find an iceberg to live out the rest of my life?...

coffeeisnectar Fri 01-Jan-16 03:12:00

I think it's a bit soon to think of getting into a new relationship. Believe me when I say that the shitstorm of a messy divorce is hard going. My dp has still not got his finalised and we've been together nearly four years, it's been a huge strain on us and if I hadn't known him for a long time then I wouldn't have got involved with a man who was only two years on from the split and the acrimony that's brought into my life.

But yes, there's life after divorce. And your priority is ensuring a home for your dc when with you and getting a life of your own. Then worry about a new partner later on.

HerRoyalNotness Fri 01-Jan-16 04:17:33

There is fun if you want iT. Don't be a fw like my H, have fun, meet like
Minded people,
Enjoy, hang out with friends

DoreenLethal Fri 01-Jan-16 08:37:46

This means I must leave her home, and lose contact for some time with my little one, as I will need ro move far away. This is painful to accommodate and I can't seem to see any way of starting again. I remained faithful throughout the relationship, and averted my gaze to interested women even when the jealous wife was not with me

Oh poor you - having to avert your gaze from interested women just because of your jealous wife. Did you make a big deal of having to avert your gaze perhaps?

This all sounds very dramatic. It makes out that you are Mr Perfect and it is all her fault. Do you really have to move 'far away'? Or just get somewhere within reasonable transport links? Can you 'never see any way of starting again', particularly if you have had to avert your poor gaze from interested women all the time? Or do you think you can just get on with life and if you meet someone then that's great.

RiceCrispieTreats Fri 01-Jan-16 08:44:55

Try being single. It's proof (to yourself) that you can stand on your own two feet.

Or, rush into a poorly thought out relationship with the first person who returns your gaze, and enjoy having a warm bed, but no true partnership. If that's your priority - which it kind of sounds like it is.

SongBird16 Fri 01-Jan-16 09:04:38

I understand how you're feeling OP. I'm just separated from my DH and, whilst I'm nowhere near ready for a relationship right now, I know that I will be one day but am pessimistic about the odds for all sorts of reasons. If you've been living in a loveless and possibly sexless marriage for some time then I don't think it's surprising that you're beginning to think about whether your future might include some of both.

I don't have any answers, except that statistically women outnumber men in online dating, leading many on here to feel that men have more choice and opportunities. When you're ready, take a look and see whether you'll be presenting yourself as a marketable product that compares well with the competition, or not. If you've been faithful for many years then of course you'll be out of practice and nervous, it's a daunting prospect, but dating will be a necessary evil if you do want to find someone in time.

One thing I have read is that a big turn-off is complaining about your ex. She may well be impossible to be around and jealous, but keep that to yourself.

Why do you have to be a long way from your child? I'm assuming that for financial reasons you can't afford to stay in the area, or need to live with relatives initially? I think living within reasonable travelling distance needs to be your top priority.

Harrydea Fri 01-Jan-16 19:24:43

OK, so I need to have some space for a while, and to focus on getting a place and a life! I won't see my little one because I am in another country and so leaving her place means leaving the country due to a lack of finding work, although I don't wish to go, but there is little option as I do not have friends here (she made sure of that).

She also took my son from me and he is living at her sister's house to ensure we do not have any bond or relationship which has really destroyed me inside. I soent Chrimbo and New Years alone and it was horrid.

To the one who wrote about averting my gaze and 'poor me', yes I was Mr Perfect, and a great Dad to boot, but couldn't stand her jealous outrages, her shouting and lack of empathy, and her general negative moods which really affected the home environment, and I averted the gaze because I respected the fact I was married and did not want to seem available (we never wore rings). It is really hard to start all over and I appreciate the comments as it gives me hope that there are still people who care and might help me see things more clearly in my own life. The first date for the family court which is designed to help the Mum rather than the Dad, is this month. I just want to dissolve this relationship and return to blighty and maybe see my little angel when he is old enough to realise what hos Mum is really like.

I guess my Mum was right all along, she wasn't the one for me.

HandyWoman Fri 01-Jan-16 19:37:05

Er.... So your just going to not see your son then?

You come across a bit flouncy, to be honest. Although that might just be the style of writing.

Truly you have a shitstorm ahead. Pace yourself. Have you seen a solicitor? How far away from the UK is it??

RedMapleLeaf Fri 01-Jan-16 19:37:52

Excuse me for asking, but is English your first language Harrydea?

Terrifiedandregretful Fri 01-Jan-16 19:45:09

Is there no way you could stay in the same country?

Harrydea Fri 01-Jan-16 20:09:55

English is my first language, but writing on a teeny screen so can't check an errors...I am about 20000km from the UK, and am trying to stay where I am and have been looking for work, but dont have any job as yet. I have a real problem with corrupt employers and abusive work practices so I don't stick around in the workplace and this ethically correct stance and being honest doesn't fare well in third world countries.

I have a legal aid solicitor while she has private legal aid, her recently divorced sister has been instrumental in ruining any possibility of a reconciliation, and are doing their damndest to make my lofe hard so I will be forced to leave her home and return to the UK. The family courts already showed its true colors by ignoring a request I made in favor of the ex and I know it is a farce and they wont support things from an independent perspecrive

Harrydea Fri 01-Jan-16 20:11:18

English is my first language, but writing on a teeny screen so can't check an errors...I am about 20000km from the UK, and am trying to stay where I am and have been looking for work, but dont have any job as yet. I have a real problem with corrupt employers and abusive work practices so I don't stick around in the workplace and this ethically correct stance and being honest doesn't fare well in third world countries.

I have a legal aid solicitor while she has private legal aid, her recently divorced sister has been instrumental in ruining any possibility of a reconciliation, and are doing their damndest to make my lofe hard so I will be forced to leave her home and return to the UK. The family courts already showed its true colors by ignoring a request I made in favor of the ex and I know it is a farce and they wont support things from an independent perspecrive

Harrydea Fri 01-Jan-16 20:15:47

Sorry for double posts.. My little one is a British Citizen with dual passport and i married my ex in the UK, I have asked for help from the Brit Emb but they never responded and also read in the Guardian that many expats have problems and must abide by local laws, so there is little that can be done to have paternity rights over my child other than send in he SAS!!

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