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Is he a cocklodger? Yes or No

(33 Posts)
whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 19:30:52

Keen to get opinions to settle a dispute amongst a group of friends. The female in question believes her DP is not a cocklodger and we are all just bitter divorcees who think the worst of men. We (the friendship group) clearly object to this and think the DP is a typical cocklodger.

Key facts about our dear friend:
- Age 47
- Very solvent, talking £150k salary minimum consistently.
- Met DP at work
- Moved hundreds of miles with DP to live in a very expensive part of the world. He couldn't have done it without her.
- Been with him 4 years (of which 3.5 have been in this new location).

Key facts about the DP
- Age 35
- Highly intelligent, salary increased significantly since moving to new location, but still earning half what our friend earns.
- Loves money and expensive items/lifestyle.
- Had an EA 2 years into the relationship which lasted 1 month or so. EA was very intense, and he was already making plans to live with this OW.

I know this isn't much to go on, but the last point re the EA is what alarms us. Then when you factor in the whole situation with her being a high earner, it is very very suspicious.

RJnomore1 Thu 31-Dec-15 19:33:31

Does he contribute financially in a fair way or does he expect her to pay for everything?

whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 19:36:08

He makes some contributions, fair in respect of his earnings relative to hers. She contributes more due to earning a lot more.

Floggingmolly Thu 31-Dec-15 19:36:56

Why couldn't he have done it without her? You haven't said what contributions either of them make, impossible to say without more info.

BarneySparkles Thu 31-Dec-15 19:38:18

Doesn't sound like one to me. Sounds a bit of a cheating arse though.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Thu 31-Dec-15 19:38:44

No.

A cocklodger wouldn't be earning a decent amount and contributing. If he earns 75k that's a good job. A cock lodger either wouldn't be working or would be fucking about "setting up a business" which never made money. Or he would be earning and refusing to contribute.

VagueIdeas Thu 31-Dec-15 19:40:10

From Urban Dictionary:

"A male who lives with his girlfriend without paying rent.
Rent and bills are paid by the girlfriend, the cocklodger relies on the fact that the couple are shagging to continue his residency."

smile

He doesn't fit the cocklodger profile from what you say. Gold digger, maybe, but tbh it's very hard to make a judgement going by what you've said.

CallieTorres Thu 31-Dec-15 19:43:39

Well the EA was 2 years ago, and they seem to still be together, so unless there is any further information then i'm thinking no on the cocklodger

So what if he likes a spendy lifestyle, and shes still earning and they are still together

Unless you have more info then you all should butt out

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 31-Dec-15 19:44:05

I can certainly see what he gets out of this relationship but what is in this for her?. Is he at heart someone for her to rescue and or save, her project to improve him?. She may also like the fact that she has a toyboy on her arm, she at 47 can still pull and hold onto a younger man (well for now anyway).

Some men like supposedly strong and sorted (well on the surface anyway) women. Abusive men can use and take "strong" women down with them by exploiting and playing on their inward insecurities and fears. They can read such women very well. They also see such women as a challenge.

How was the emotional affair discovered?. It looks like she forgave such a transgression for her own reasons.

SolsburyHell Thu 31-Dec-15 19:44:23

Cheater...yes. Cocklodger...probably not on the info given. He earns about 75k, presumably he pays his way. I'm not saying he's a catch though, but you may want to get your insults right.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 31-Dec-15 19:46:55

No.

ImperialBlether Thu 31-Dec-15 19:48:41

The fact she earns more doesn't make him a cocklodger. It's his attitude and contributions which determine that. As someone above said, the most commonly found cocklodger owns his own business, which involves lying in bed until ten am, leaving the woman to get the children ready for school, then gets up to scratch his balls for an hour or two to have breakfast over a leisurely couple of hours online. He may leave the house an hour before the family arrives home, leaving the kitchen and living room in a complete mess, evidence of his wanking in the bedroom and then come home in a foul mood to yell at the kids about his hard day. The day would usually involve telling the woman she was lucky to have him, wouldn't get anyone else and that she's bleeding him dry.

Cocklodger - no. Not on the info given.
Potential cheater - yes. I'd be inclined to be a bit suspicious of his motives.

Arfarfanarf Thu 31-Dec-15 19:51:29

no, he doesn't sound like one. If he is making a contribution that is proportionate given the difference in their incomes then he isn't. Should he pay a higher percentage of his income than her? Because he happens to earn less he should pay more, percentage wise? That wouldn't be fair.

But he is certainly an arse if he is cheating on her. That was some 'emotional' affair if he was making plans to leave. Does your friend not know or has she chosen to stay with him?

LadyWithLapdog Thu 31-Dec-15 19:52:08

I just want to know what she does if she can move countries and still earn so much so quickly smile

AyeAmarok Thu 31-Dec-15 20:02:23

He sounds like a cheat and an arsehole.

But not a cocklodger, not at all.

littleleftie Thu 31-Dec-15 20:09:32

OP I think Wankbadger is the term you are seeking.

HTH

whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 20:14:28

What is wankbadger?

ImperialBlether Thu 31-Dec-15 20:14:52

Yes, on reflection, he's a wankbadger rather than a cocklodger.

grin

tribpot Thu 31-Dec-15 20:24:15

Not a cocklodger. It's not based on one partner earning less than the other, it's based on one contributing nothing. So even if they do earn something they keep it all for personal use. A cocklodger also contributes nothing in labour.

He may be a gold-digger, though.

whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 20:54:30

Thanks ladies, now I know the definition, he definitely is not a cocklodger.

whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 20:55:53

Friend doesn't know about the EA, but everyone in his social circle (which excludes her) knows.

I only found out about it through my daughter.

tribpot Thu 31-Dec-15 21:00:48

Hmm, that's not so good. I assumed from your first post that he had fessed up and they'd moved past it together. He sounds like a user. What stopped the EA from going further?

goddessofsmallthings Thu 31-Dec-15 21:02:36

Me too, Lady as I can only think of one profession that spans continents and transcends language difficulties. wink

whoamikidding Thu 31-Dec-15 21:34:46

No clue as to what stopped the EA from progressing. From what I gather, noone other than the 2 involved know the details. It was all very abrupt and they went NC it seems.

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