My head feels so clouded nowadays, I don't know whether my marriage is normal or dysfunctional.
My husband and I have been married 7 years and have 2 children. The first 3 years were pretty blissful, I was very happy. Then something changed and I'm not even sure what. The last 6 months or so have been hell.
Just to give you a couple of experiences:
1- when our eldest was just 4 mo old, we were arguing. He took the baby out of bed and told us to leave. I didn't.
2- one evening he had been drinking quit a bit and I made a comment about a family member (not trying to upset him) that obviously touched a nerve and he went mad. Yelling at me, got in my face so I was pinned against the door. He packed a bag and a friend picked him up. He stayed out overnight.
3- a number of times he has gone out to a party/ to the pub and hasn't come home at all, or has come home completely wasted - even though "he was going for one drink."
4- I don't feel sexually attracted to him anymore. I don't know if it's a mixture of his behaviour, pregnancies and nursing. But he gets so upset with me when I don't want to have sex with him and holds it against me for weeks at a time. he watches porn - which I hate - and I feel like he treats me like an object, not a loving wife. He makes a lot of sexual comments which makes me cringe.
5- just recently we couldn't decide on something and he snapped and started yelling at me in front of our kids. So I went for a drive. I came back, he took the youngest and said "cry yourself to sleep. You have mental issues, you need to see someone." I don't and he said it in such an evil way.
6- I cook, clean, take care of our children - you know, all the wife and mother duties - but he always complain about something. I feel like it's never enough or good enough, and that he would be much happier if I done all those things plus work full time just for the extra cash.
7- he calls me names, like "a-hole" and "being a bitch."
8- we don't have much in common.
I know I'm not perfect but I'm miserable now. I think about divorce weekly! If you ask my family and friends they say I'm friendly, kind, have a heart of gold, etc. I can't even remember when he last complimented or lifted me up, besides saying "you have a nice ass, I want to do you."
Help! I have some big decisions to make, and I want my children to grow up in a happy, healthy home.
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Relationships
Is this normal?
TheWildThings4 · 30/12/2015 19:49
You know what the answer is, you just need to take that leap and do it. We will hold your hand 
You deserve better than this and so do your DC.
First steps are to speak to a divorce lawyer who offers a free first hour consultation, to see where you stand, financially and wrt to the house and DC.
Take copies of financial documents so he can't hide his money or assets in a divorce.
You can do this, you really can.
He sounds like a disrespectful arsehole who doesn't even treat you, or view you, as his equal. He sounds like a disgusting creep. Just for starters he shouldn't be calling you names, but you've listed many ways in which he has mistreat you, and using the kids to get to you is just bang out of order!
I can't see much in the way of a happy future for your marriage going by wot you've described. And it's blatently him that has mental issues! That's called transference. He's at fault but he's putting it onto you. I would wanna get out. I'd be happier alone than shacked up with this eejit.
Sorry, but no wonder you don't feel like having sex with this disrespectful, abusive twat! And as for your friend who told you to make him no 1? Tell her the 50s called and want their marriage guidance back 
Children don't resent their parents for getting divorced - except in those emotionally incestuous cases where one actively turns the children against the other, and you're not going to do that. And of course you're nervous - you're talking about turning your lives upside down, and starting again. But you can do that - and you and your children deserve far more than the life you have at the moment.
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