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What should I do? Possible trigger.

(5 Posts)
SusanIvanova Wed 30-Dec-15 19:07:35

I'm having some problems with my DP and I'm not sure what I should do.

I had an abortion about 3/4 weeks ago. At the time I found out I was pregnant I was in the middle of my first PGCE placement and he has a flexi contract as a team leader in a supermarket.

We were in no position to have a baby, due to all kinds of factors right down to the fact that we live in a tiny damp house rented from his father.

It is what it is and I'm trying to make peace with it. My main problem is that he has shut down and won't discuss things properly (at least in my opinion).

Yesterday he came home from a 9hr shift. I have tried to avoid talking about things too much as I know I tend to get caught up and go in circles.

The conversation started ok but after a while he got frustrated saying that we'd had a talk and it never gets anywhere. I said this was because he never tells me his opinion or how he feels, just parrots what I have said.

I realised it was going to go nowhere with him in that mood so I told him to go back to what he was doing (playing a video game - not an issue I game too and he is very reasonable with it) at this point he said that he couldn't because his mood had changed and that he comes home to relax.

I get that he works hard but I have to deal with what has happened all day every day. I can't compartmentalise like he can. I don't know what to do or say.

We're currently not speaking. He came in from work, turned on the console and started playing. But I'm no better, he said hello when he came in but I didn't reply.

I can't work out how to talk to him without yelling or crying or bringing up what's happened. He's made it clear he thinks the conversation has been had and is now just pointless dwelling.

How the fuck do I move on?

SusanIvanova Wed 30-Dec-15 19:07:54

Wow that's an essay.

Daenerys2 Wed 30-Dec-15 19:27:05

Sorry to hear you are struggling, I really feel for you. I think you are right when you say men compartmentalise everything. I had an abortion five years ago and the couple of weeks afterwards were wry difficult. My hubby didn't really want to talk about it either. It is hard when they switch off but I think that's how they deal with things. It's not their bodies going through it - it hurts mentally and physically for us and we literally have to live through it. You still have pregnancy hormones at the moment which can make things difficult emotionally. Have you got a good friend it relative you could open up to? Have a good sob and let it out. Am really feeling for you xxx

BolshierAryaStark Wed 30-Dec-15 19:40:36

flowers for you my love.
This is so so hard, I lnow as I have been there. Just because it wasn't the right time doesn't mean you didn't want the baby.
Have you considered counselling, I really can't advocate it enough-I have found it a tremendous source of help on occasions when I'm struggling through various issues?
It may be an idea for your DP as well, though I found men tend to deal with things such as this differently.

SusanIvanova Wed 30-Dec-15 20:37:04

Thanks. I'm not expecting him to feel like me, honestly. But it would really help if he felt anything. I'll look into counselling, for both of us probably. x

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