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Things will never improve, will they?

105 replies

FlintlockMusketoon · 30/12/2015 18:31

I've never posted before but have lurked for some time now. Apologies in advance for the length of this.

I'm caught in an increasingly abusive relationship. My DP is significantly older than me, divorced with children. We have been together four years and things have been volatile for some time. Mainly I seem to put up with his gambling tantrums and silent treatment. I am a 32 yr old with a degree and a career, I've travelled and lived in several different places prior to meeting him so have life experience and my own opinions but he treats me like a child and gets angry when I do things my way and not his 'correct' way.

After a fairly major incident on the 21st, things calmed down and Christmas was really quite nice. He can be very very thoughtful and loving. All has been pleasant until this morning.

I commute to work by bus and he will usually walk with me to the bus stop, taking the dog, then go for a long walk with the pooch after I catch my bus. Today, the bus was early and i just missed it. I have hurt my knee (old injury) and didn't want to run for the bus so fully intended to just wait for the next one (15 mins or so). No big drama, no big deal.

DP decided to chase the bus down, waving his arms and yelling for it to stop. The driver did the usual thing of ignoring him and driving on but DP was adamant that if I had been less slow, I would have caught the bus. He then told me he would take me part way in the car but I was honestly not fussed and said I was happy to wait for the next bus. He started screaming at me in the street, telling me to just do as I was told then stormed off, muttering under his breath and calling me a child. I followed him back to the house where he proceeded to shout at me, calling me stupid and childish and insisting that he had stopped the bus for me, i made a fool of him and I was a c* for not running after him. He got in the car and I put the (still collared and coated) dog in the back seat. He exploded, screaming at me for bringing the dog.

I calmly put the house keys on the passenger seat and walked off without saying a word. This was at 7am in the morning, pitch black, raining and the neighbours could hear everything. I just don't have the fight left in me anymore, I feel totally beaten down and wanted to walk away.

Standing back at the bus stop, his car pulls up, horn honking. He didn't even roll down the window but instead sat in the car and screamed at the top of his voice 'Get in the fucking car or else'. He repeated this over and over. I was too frightened and overwhelmed to know what to do and I just stood there like an idiot with the other people at the bus stop looking on appalled. He then tries 'Get in the fucking car or else don't come fucking home again - are you getting in?' When I shook my head, he roared off in the car. Lady at bus stop said she was on the verge of calling the police as she was so shaken by the anger in him. As it happens, someone did call the police and they got hold of me, came to my work to take a statement and will likely be arresting him this evening.

I don't know what I want people to say. I guess I have just realised this will go on and on and never get any better but now I feel utterly awful that the police are involved. He will see it as a betrayal of the worst sort and I'm also scared for him. This will never improve will it?

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Thankgodforthat · 30/12/2015 18:36

Don't be scared for him, the big bully. It must have been bad if someone called the police. What with his anger, treating you like a child, gambling and silent treatment, why on earth are you with him? Disgusting behaviour. Tell him where to go.