DP and I have been together 7 years, we have a DS (2). Since having DS our relationship has been fine but was very rocky before.
DP was cheated on in his previous LTR. This somehow played a part in how he treated me (according to him) as for the first 3 years of our relationship he would regularly flirt with and sext a plethora of other women. I confronted him about it several times, he denied it, I showed him proof (that I'd found on social media, it was actually out there in public excluding the sexting which I found on his laptop) he apologised and that is how things continued on for a long while. He also met up with 2 women but denies sleeping with them, 1 actually slept at his home in his bed, he said he slept on the floor.
2 years in I discovered he'd been having an emotional affair I suppose with another woman. All the messages I found were incredibly love sick and spoke of them being together. I confronted him and he told me he was in love with her and that he didn't love me the same way. I have no idea how or why we continued on from that but several weeks later he visited her, travelling 3 hours to do so despite my protests. He denies anything happening between them and shortly after broke all contact, she found herself a boyfriend and I suppose he felt very strung along.
On 2 occasions I broke up with him only to have him literally beg me on hand and knee not to leave him, that he was sorry, that he didn't know why he did this, that he loved me.
Whilst pregnant with my DS I found that he'd been trying to find the profile of the woman he'd had an emotional affair with and that really fucking stung. I thought we were past it but whilst I'm carrying his child he is still thinking of this other woman. He claims it was just curiosity.
Since then nothing has happened, so about 2 and a half years but all of it has stayed with me and I find the longer I am with him the more bitter and resentful I become. He is the only man I have ever been with or loved. We have a beautiful DS together and a lovely home and repeatedly from single friends I hear that we are "the perfect couple" because I haven't told them any of this.
But I am so sick of carrying these memories and hurt around with me. Every so often I can't cope and it all comes spilling out again. I feel so naive for allowing myself to be used but grateful that I stuck around because now we have our DS.
Has anyone ever been in this position? Does it ever get better? I want to be together for our DS but the truth is I'm not sure if I'll get over how DP treated me.
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Does it ever get better?
20 replies
EmissaryoftheGorgonites · 30/12/2015 16:18
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