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Help for very troubled teen please!

(9 Posts)
PurpleVauxhall Wed 30-Dec-15 13:39:47

I am just hoping for suggestions of where to get help really. I don't even know if I'm posting in the right place....I've tried to change some identifying details but tbh don't know how many people know about this in real life...

DD's friend is pregnant. She's 17. She has ALWAYS since early teens identified as a lesbian. Short hair, wears men's clothes, suits etc, loves it when she gets mistaken for a boy. I know this might not seem relevant but it's to illustrate the point she's never been 'confused' etc. She's had girlfriends but never a boyfriend, never shown any interest in boys AT ALL.

Nobody knows who the father is and she's not saying anything and doesn't want to tell him or anybody else. She didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 5 months and went for a termination and was told that she was too late.

I am just so worried she's been raped and will now be forced to carry the child and keep it when she doesn't want to. There are many family reasons why is she is vulnerable and does not have the greatest mh (self-harming etc). She is apparently under CAMHS but they are considered useless in our local area and aren't really helping. I would just like to know if anybody can suggest anything that my DD can gently talk to her about, or services who can help. I know there is nothing to suggest sexual assault but it's not as if she would choose to have sex with a man iyswim. Even in a drunk teenage mistake way. I just think she has been taken advantage of.

I know it seems like I'm over invested but I've known this girl since primary school, I'm very fond of her and was a TA in her class for two years and feel like if there's help to be found here I would like to pass it on!

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 13:53:50

If she doesn't want to tell you or anyone you need to respect that. Fair enough if you were her mother! Why does that mean she was raped? Give her some space.

mum2mum99 Wed 30-Dec-15 13:54:38

That's great that you want to help.
Put her in touch with LGBT support. They can help with counselling (experiences with CAHMS can vary). They can also help with accommodation for her to be in a healthier environment.

www.stonewall.org.uk/
Albert Kennedy trust for LGBT housing www.akt.org.uk/

All the best

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 13:58:15

Why wouldn't she choose to have sex with a man? She's your daughters friend. You can't know everything about her!

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 14:00:00

Where's her mother?

mum2mum99 Wed 30-Dec-15 14:05:17

You may be jumping to conclusion about rape. Although it seems a very possible explanation. Just bear in mind that there is a wide spectrum as far as sexual orientation is concerned. Google the Kinsey scale. And she is still a teenager, maybe experimenting...

PurpleVauxhall Wed 30-Dec-15 14:09:40

Thank you for replies!

I do want to give her some space and am definitely doing that hence posting here rather than getting involved. her relationship with her own parents isn't great. They've said she's an embarrassment, what will the neighbours think etc.

It's just that apparently it's unlikely she'd have consensual sex with a man. That's what DD says. It's not a thing I've discussed with her of course and yes, she's young and these things can be fluid. She's just very vulnerable and her family don't seem very interested It was DD who asked if there was anywhere she could get help/advice. I know it's not really my business but I have a DD in tears worried she will attempt suicide and was just wondering about specialist organisations.

I will pass on the Stonewall stuff. Thank you.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 14:23:27

Poor girl. Stupid parents. I can understand why you want to help. But you can't just assume she's been raped because your dd say's it's unlikely she'd have consensual sex with a man.

It's something the girl needs to face up to. Maybe if her parents won't help maybe take her to the doctor, they would point her in the direction for support.

JT05 Wed 30-Dec-15 18:39:41

Are the arrangements for birth and support as a new mother in place? What has happened, has happened and both mother and baby need support. Does she have adequate housing? Has she had anti natal care?

Once the baby is born she should be helped by SS and could be referred to Surestart.

A difficult situation, she is lucky to have your DD's and your care.

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