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Should I have gone??

(6 Posts)
feltcarrot Wed 30-Dec-15 12:52:00

So back story, live with husband and 2 teenage DC (18 &15). DB visits from abroad for Christmas with his family, stay with us. Christmas morning visit older DB and his family where my mother is spending Christmas for drinks before back to ours for the rest of the day.
Boxing Day is the four of us at his brothers with his mother and father ( who are divorced but his dad has no one else to spend the day with).
On Sunday my mother comes round and in the afternoon goes out with DB and his children to theatre.

Now the problem, h has an extensive family who live fairly close to each other about 1 1/2 hours drive away. One cousin was having a get together in the evening. Then his mother pipes up that auntie is doing a lunch too. Our dd is working in the afternoon and then invited to friends 18 th in the evening. DS is quite shy and doesn't really know any of his "cousins" so would probably sist on his own most of the night. I am tired after the build up to Christmas and the whole hosting/visiting thing. (Forgot to add,visitors left Monday lunchtime) was looking forward to a quiet night in.

H left to go to party without saying goodbye as none of us were keen to go and has hardly spoken to any of us since he returned. Went to work this morning without saying goodbye even though I tried to call him back. He sort of flung his arm out in a dismissive manner and drove off.

I have been equally annoyed and tearful at his behaviour, dd saw I was upset this morning and is equally bewildered by his behaviour.

Am at a loss really, we are supposed to be going out with a good group of friends tomorrow night but can't see that happening at the moment.

Just posting to vent really, should I have gone to the party like he wanted? Was I rude not to go?

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 13:11:10

I think maybe he saw it as you spent a lot of time with your family but then couldn't be arsed seeing his? Christmas afterall.

feltcarrot Wed 30-Dec-15 13:18:32

But we spent all day with his parents and brother who I have difficulty spending time with, h knows and completely understands my reasons . The party would have meant spending another whole day with his aunts uncles and cousins, dd got nagged even though she had already made other plans.
I would have gone to either the lunch or party just not both but he idiot give me a chance to say that. I didn't even know he wasn't going to the lunch until it was too late.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 13:28:02

Oh you did say that, sorry!

Had you already said you would go, before hand? Sounds to me like lack of communication from both sides. Sounds like he got the impression you weren't going to go at all. Maybe you should've told him earlier you were thinking of going to part of it.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 30-Dec-15 13:30:50

I don't think you should ever feel forced to do something if there's a good reason. Maybe he should've considered that. I think it would've been nice to go with him unless you don't really like them. He probably would've felt a bit silly/embarrassed without you there.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 30-Dec-15 13:50:32

DH probably felt sad you were too tired to attend after so much with both sides of extended family. It sounds to me as if it's been a very busy time; no matter how even-handed, there was bound to be a moment when one of you folded. Teen offspring do reach an age when they should get to choose whether they attend family get-togethers.

I don't think it's that perplexing or unreasonable he was disappointed but it's better to air things than dwell and sulk. Maybe suggest to him that next year you'll both pace yourselves better.

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