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(12 Posts)
RunkidsKID Tue 29-Dec-15 23:57:42

My husband never wants to be in the same room as the kids and I. Two of the children are his but when we got married they came to live with us. Is this normal as I feel like a glorified cleaner etc

Morganly Wed 30-Dec-15 00:03:03

Nope, definitely not normal.

Whisperingeye1 Wed 30-Dec-15 00:10:41

No not normal at all. Sounds horrible

goddessofsmallthings Wed 30-Dec-15 04:07:04

Where does he go when you're with the dc and have you asked him why he doesn't choose to sit in the same room as you and them?

RunkidsKID Wed 30-Dec-15 08:52:03

He will go to the bedroom or a different room and likes the door shut he likes to be alone. I don't think he knows how to be a dad or husband. He didn't have a great childhood and in his previous relationship of 16 yrs I think he just did want he wanted and he was unhappy for a long time but stayed for the children. I love him to bits he is a kind caring man but I work full time In a demanding job which his previous woman did not and just feel like I do everything unless I ask

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 30-Dec-15 09:10:47

Why did his previous marriage end; presumably it was for similar reasons.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is there to love about this person?.

How can he be at all described by you as at all kind and caring?. His behaviour is neither.

He may well have had a horrible childhood but its no justification or excuse for this from him now.

RunkidsKID Wed 30-Dec-15 09:16:52

Previous marriage ended because they fell out of love together since 18.
When we do spend time as a family he is a loving caring funny man who has suffered an alcoholic mum growing up and no real father figure. His girls clearly love him. I know he loves me but he really struggles with life he is very anxious as is his brother. I just need to get through to dh without it being an argument every time he just thinks I am moaning

pocketsaviour Wed 30-Dec-15 10:17:49

What a horrible situation for all of you. Has your H had any help or therapy around the neglect he experienced in his childhood?

RunkidsKID Wed 30-Dec-15 10:34:20

Pocket savior he will be starting CBT and takes medication. He is a genuinely lovely man just used to doing his own thing all his life looking after himself and dealing with abusive step dad and alcoholic mum

MrsLeighHalfpenny Wed 30-Dec-15 10:37:34

What happens when you go out for the evening and leave the DC with him?
(Please don't say you never go out on your own)

RunkidsKID Wed 30-Dec-15 10:39:38

I don't often go out on my own I know I probably should but if he is looking after the dc I will often find them all in their rooms when I come back or dh will be in the lounge on his own

MrsLeighHalfpenny Wed 30-Dec-15 10:44:37

Well, could you ask DH to take kids to the park/library/football match/swimming/... once in a while? Anything to get him to spend time with them alone? You could start by going with them, so get a routine, then "not feel very well" one day and send him on his own. That kind of thing?

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