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I feel so guilty and just a horrible person!

(11 Posts)
needhelpandadvice Tue 29-Dec-15 13:46:17

I find it so hard to explain. From previous posts you will see DH left me and our DD.

I believe he was emotionally abusive possibly to both of us. He had a weed smoking habit which really affected all our lifes, so much that we basically revolved around his habit.

Anyway his moods became so much that after one episode I found I could no longer bounce back, I usually let him have his moods, ignore them and then when he felt ok again, we would carry on as normal. But this time I couldn't. He blamed me, I made him that way, I drove him to drink and drugs, and I believed him.

He left 8 weeks ago, is out enjoying himself, I don't think he is any happier but whenever I reach happiness the guilt sets in that I shouldn't be feeling this way.

I had a kiss with someone on Christmas night, I felt a little alive again, then the guilt sets in again.

Our DD is happier in the way we are now, but I feel guilty as maybe I could have done more to prevent all this.

Sorry, I just needed to see if this was normal?

Branleuse Tue 29-Dec-15 13:52:41

Dont forget that you belong to YOU. You dont need to feel guilty for moving on. Feel relieved!

You did the right thing in leaving. Having a kiss now youve left is morally neutral. You can do what you want now. Youre not hurting anyone

needhelpandadvice Tue 29-Dec-15 13:57:06

He left me, although he treated us quite badly, I would never of had the guts to leave.

I think he thought it would push me into asking him to stay, but something in my head wouldn't allow that.

It felt great kissing someone, sorry if that sounds so sad! Im so worried about if it makes me look bad or makes H unhappy.

OnADarkDesertHighway Tue 29-Dec-15 13:59:42

From your title I thought you had done something terrible.

You haven't. Be relieved you and your DD can now have a happier life.

needhelpandadvice Tue 29-Dec-15 14:02:31

OnADarkDesertHighway That's the thing, I can not comprehend this guilt, some days it completely overwhelms me. I get a bit of happiness and for some reason it feels wrong.

My DD and I are planning things for 2016 so im hoping for a fresh start and to move on with my life now.

kittybiscuits Tue 29-Dec-15 14:12:42

Sometimes, when you have been used to treading on eggshells, it's hard to shake of the fear of doing something wrong or the feeling that you might have done something wrong. It's like invisible programming. Congratulations on your snog. fsmile

pocketsaviour Tue 29-Dec-15 14:13:49

Im so worried about if it makes me look bad or makes H unhappy.

This suggests to me that you still feel responsible for the way your H felt, even though it was his own actions that caused his problems.

Have you looked into doing the Freedom Programme at all? It sounds like you have had a lucky escape from this man, but the key word is "lucky" as you said that you wouldn't have had the courage to leave, even though you know he was abusive.

OnADarkDesertHighway Tue 29-Dec-15 14:15:47

I clicked on your post cos I do struggle with guilt and with good reason. But you have no reason to feel guilty. Assuming if your ex was abusive and has a drug habit then feeling happy is a tad alien to you. Presumably you loved him and think a normal reaction would be to feel miserable as he left. Instead you feel better and it feels wrong but it should not.

In time guilt will ease and with any luck you will start to accept you have no reason to feel guilty.

Branleuse Tue 29-Dec-15 14:35:19

best way to get over one guy is to get under another

needhelpandadvice Wed 30-Dec-15 22:32:05

Ok so he came around today shouting and balling about this, that and the other!!

Then later he texts to say sorry and ask if we are definitely over for good. I have said yes, this last few days in my head I have been moving forward and feeling quite good.

Had another lovely snog with the same man and it felt good. Now I feel like crap again. Im so worried about him and how he is feeling I keep forgetting about myself. Im not sure im strong enough to get through this.

NA200712 Wed 30-Dec-15 23:34:56

If it felt amazing with the other man then I would take that as a sign. Move on with your life. You have nothing at all to be guilty about. He's taken his attitude and disgusting drug habit out of your life. You should be thanking him.

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