what the hell does this mean?

[Nicole2781]

Hi,
Just had a long talk with my dh about all random things and he comes out with this...

'I sometimes cringe inside when you touch me. I don't mean it in a bad way, I just can't help it, it's like I sexually resent you sometimes. I do love you though'

Seriously???? Wtf?!!
I admit having two dc (3yo and 20m) has took its toll on our sex life and we don't do it as much as we should due to tiredness etc but my god that has really made me think 'what are you doing being married to me then?'

He's not the most touchy feely person anyway and would never make a move on me now as he doesn't like being rejected (we have sex about once a week and it's me that makes the move)

I just feel so unloved and undesired right now (even more than usual) and I don't know what this means? Like has anyone experienced this before?
Tia

[rushtie22]

What does 'sexually resent' mean?
Is he gay?

[bloodyteenagers]

My skin used to crawl. I knew the touching would lead to sex and if I said no, it would be fine but there would be an atmosphere. The sexual resentment was because I knew I disappointing my partner.

[Nicole2781]

I have no idea! But I think he means maybe that we go so long without it that he resents me and then feels dodgey when I give him a quick cuddle or something.

I asked did he feel like that when we were intimate a couple of days ago and he said yes a little at first when we kissed. It's so weird & hurtful.

And no he's not gay...not that I know of anyway!

[Nicole2781]

Oh and the 'my touching him' isn't just purely sexual it's even like brushing past him or holding his hand etc

[ohtheholidays]

Do you think he might be suffering with depression at all Nicole?

I've been feeling the same towards my DH for a while now,I haven't told him because I know he'd think it ment that I didn't love him anymore and it's not that at all,I do love him very much but life has been really stressful for us for a while and I think I'm suffering from depression because of it.

And with us I was always the one that had the higher sex drive.

[Nicole2781]

Ontheholidays - yes I actually think he could be feeling depressed. He doesn't really share his feelings much but we are going through a bit of a change at the moment - looking for new house and new job for dh but he doesn't know what he wants to do anymore etc so yes I think he could be. I doubt he would go for help though as he's in armed forces and apparently depression isn't something they would admit to to the doctors in work.

[Nicole2781]

Ohtheholidays* sorry!

[goddessofsmallthings]

He's not the most touchy feely person anyway and would never make a move on me now as he doesn't like being rejected (we have sex about once a week and it's me that makes the move)

It sounds as if your sex life has moved from the two way street of mutual initiation to a one way system where you dictate when the deed is done.

If this is the case it's understandable that he feels resentful in a not dissimilar way to you feeling 'unloved and undesired' because he doesn't express himself in a tactile manner and no longer makes a move on you for fear his advances will be rejected.

[Cariadblodyn]

Sounds like he has been feeling rejected himself for so long that he has lost that sexual connection to you. He loves you but doesn't feel " in love " with you . This needs sorting for both your sakes.

[Joysmum]

What the hell does this mean?

Could be anything. The only way to get an idea is to talk about it. Ignore at your peril.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

I suspect he means that he resents that he feels rejected by you and that you dictate when sex happens and doesn't happen. It's a fairly common dynamic and it's not fun for either party.