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Just wondering why...

(39 Posts)
uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 19:37:07

I was seeing a lovely guy for about five months, the only thing was all through that time he kept hinting that he wanted bum sex (as we call it on here!) Anyway, he kept mentioning this in texts and when we saw each other. I had never done it and wasn't too keen to try. But he kept on about it. One day i just thought ok and i let him...the next day he dumped me. Any ideas why?

JohnLuther Mon 28-Dec-15 19:38:54

Because he's a twat.

tiktok Mon 28-Dec-15 19:39:24

What do you think, OP?

Seeyounearertime Mon 28-Dec-15 19:41:33

No idea, I'm not him.
But you shouldn't ever, and I mean EVER, be nagged or coerced in anyway in to any sexual act you don't feel comfortable with.

I'd say if he dumped you, you had a lucky escape. Why would you want to be with someone with little to no respect for you?

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 19:44:00

I don't know.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 28-Dec-15 19:44:04

I'm desperately trying to square the circle beween the 'lovely guy' and one who kept hinting/texting that he wanted bum sex.

How did you manage to resolve this quandary, OP?

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 19:47:17

He dumped me, i didn't resolve it.

definitelybutter1 Mon 28-Dec-15 19:50:52

He got what he wanted from you and was therefore no longer interested in you. If you had taken him up the Oxo tower earlier he would have dumped you earlier.

Sorry. I hope you enjoyed it.

RedMapleLeaf Mon 28-Dec-15 19:52:37

I think smallthings means how did you get "nagging/coercing for anal sex = lovely guy"?

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 19:58:14

He was lovely the rest of the time.

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 20:00:33

I'm worried i did it wrong. I just basically said ow! a lot.

RedMapleLeaf Mon 28-Dec-15 20:02:58

He was lovely the rest of the time.

Well, yes, we can all be lovely most of the time! The thing that identifies a dislikeable person is the instances of unlovely behaviour.

RedMapleLeaf Mon 28-Dec-15 20:03:38

I'm worried i did it wrong.

sad that should not be the worrying bit of this for you. How old are you?

mellowyellow1 Mon 28-Dec-15 20:05:02

Taken him up the oxo tower haha!

I think it sounds like you had a lucky escape OP!

Muddlewitch Mon 28-Dec-15 20:05:24

Because he is a twat that wanted to prove something to himself about how all powerful and controlling he can be. Not about you, all about him. You dodged a bullet. Hope you're ok.

mysteryknickers Mon 28-Dec-15 20:06:35

He is a pig. Sorry you had this experience. What did he say when he 'dumped' you? Not that it matters, forget him and move on. and stick to whichever boundaries you are happy with.

RedRainRocks Mon 28-Dec-15 20:07:03

"lovely" does not describe a man who hassles you for a sex act you aren't sure you want. Just curious why you did give in?

By "let him" I'm assuming it wasn't his bum he wanted the sex to be around ~ because my answer would be somewhat different if it was however...

Why did he dump you the next day? I don't know - ask him, perhaps? My guess is, he's a gigantic prick but I could be wrong.

Trills Mon 28-Dec-15 20:20:35

You were unfortunately in the presence not of "a lovely guy" but of a guy who was capable of SEEMING like he was lovely.

Maybe he had a bet with himself to see if he could get you to do it, and was only staying with you til you agreed.

Maybe he started with good intentions, intended to break up with you for other reasons, and then when he discovered it was on the cards thought he may as well stay around to get it before he left.

Maybe he genuinely thought that you would like it once you tried it, but realised that the two of you could not be together because you did not enjoy it and he cannot live without it.

Maybe it was something else.

In no way did you "do it wrong".

You should not ever feel that you have to do sexual things that you do not like in order to make someone else happy.

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 20:24:30

He didn't say anything mystery he just never contacted me again. sad

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 20:32:37

Just dumped me and that was it.

HandyWiseWoman Mon 28-Dec-15 20:32:59

Well then he is a prick!

mysteryknickers Mon 28-Dec-15 20:33:58

flowers Trills is right, you did not do it wrong. it's him, not you. Hold your head up and tell him to F off, in your head.

Seeyounearertime Mon 28-Dec-15 20:34:07

Urgh what a lovely ass hole he sounds OP... What a shame you're now free to find someone who won't nag you for sexual acts... grin

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 21:10:14

I feel a bit better now. Thanks all.

uneistheloneliestnumber Mon 28-Dec-15 21:11:09

Was just worried.

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