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Don't want to move in together

(8 Posts)
cantmakeme Sun 27-Dec-15 14:10:53

What do you do if one part of the couple doesn't want to move in together and the other does?

Background: dating nearly two years. I have a child and am divorced, mid thirties. Boyfriend early thirties, never been married, no kids.

He is great as a boyfriend, similar interests and kind. Makes me claustrophobic though, and I don't know why. Wants way more affection than I do, but sex isn't a problem at all.

For the past six months or so he has brought up moving in together, and I have kind of said I am not ready. Not sure how much longer I can put this off! Don't want to split up but don't feel ready to move in together either.

TheBouquets Sun 27-Dec-15 14:18:48

Discuss how you feel with him. If he cant accept how you feel he is not considerate enough. You were likely upset by your past split up, and have bravely stepped up as a single parent. He may feel fragile about how well you manage on your own. He may feel that he needs to go into a grown up relationship. He may feel that he wants cared for in day to day life. Talk is probably the best way to see how you both feel.

timelytess Sun 27-Dec-15 14:24:32

If you don't want to move in together, don't.

LionHeartedWoman Sun 27-Dec-15 14:26:05

You don't have to move him in. Tell him. He should respect your boundary. It should not be a problem.

Moving in a boyfriend who makes you feel claustrophobic is the wrong thing to do.

wintersocks Sun 27-Dec-15 20:09:22

If you have dc living at home then you have to be as sure as you possibly could be before moving any bloke in, imo as it would be very unsettling for dc if that arrangement then broke up

gablerose Sun 27-Dec-15 21:16:46

Don't rush anything if you feel it isn't right. Two years is still early days for a relationship if there are dc involved. I didn't move in with DH until we were married and we'd been together for six years - I wanted to feel absolutely certain that the relationship was solid as I didn't want dds to get used to a new household and then for it to break up again.

Are there any practical reasons he might want to be pushing you to live together - e.g. wanting to start a family together or putting joint finances into a house? If not then he just has to be patient and wait for things to be right on your terms.

scarlets Sun 27-Dec-15 23:23:55

Agree with the others. I'd also say that if you honestly don't see this relationship lasting long-term (in fairness, I know you haven't implied this, but it's worth mulling over) cut him loose now so that he can find someone who shares his goals.

Arfarfanarf Sun 27-Dec-15 23:27:28

Dont ever move in with someone you dont want to move in with just to please them.
Tell him how you feel and why.

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