has he really changed

[luluzulu]

I broke up with my partner of 12 years in the summer, we have a child together who is 5, for the last 2 years of our relationship there was difficulties ie he let me shoulder most responsibility of looking after our child and only really liked to get involved when the child needed disciplined etc. I felt a lot of bitterness that he hadnt turned out to be the dad id hoped he'd be, he still played computer games/watched tv till all hours, would have say over the tv so me and child resigned ourselves to living upstairs most of the time where i would read books, play games, watch cartoons. I didnt mind this and i felt very safe upstairs in our own little world. I felt like a single mother and the bond between me and my child is unbreakable. Over time i grew resentful that i wasnt offered any help and i was begining to feel exhausted, i also held down a busy part time job and did most of the house work only for dp to come home and declare that i'd done f.all! I still loved him and still do in ways he has been a massive part of my life and was mostly supportive of career choices i made and helped out financially if i ever needed him to. I am still close to his family and the split hasnt been messy at all i just told him i wasnt happy and left. During the last few years of our relationship he has been emotionally abusive towards me and treat me as though i was unappreciated, the closeness we once had and the sex life dwindled to nothing (unless on occasion there was alcohol involved), it was horrible at times, i just wanted a kiss before i left for work and i think he did too but he had his guard up i felt he was unapproachable now this made it even more difficult to try salvage what was left. Anyway scince splitting i have moved into a rented place and created a beatiful comfy home for me and the child with the little money i earn, it feels strange going it alone and i doubt myself alot but i have good friends around me who encourage me to stay strong. Scince we split i have seen a huge change in my ex, he is a better dad, manages well on his own, calmer, friendlier, &more appreciative of the things i did for us as a family. I spent christmas here and it was bittersweet to say the least. It was sad that
This is no longer my home, the way it smells, the clothes on the radators, everything is bringing it all back to me and i have cried and felt so sad and low that it is over, im regretting my decision and blaming myself, the guilt of leaving and thinking about him being lonely here in this house makes me feel so sad for him. I feel i have abandoned him, i just keep remembering the good bits and really i just
Want to know how other people have dealt with things in similar situation and has he really changed? Ive left a few times before only to come back weeks later as i never had the courage to see the split through and each time ive came back and things have gone back to normal ie arguing all the time. He seems to be genuine this time and now im starting to feel really bad for doing this. Sorry if my post is too long or a bit scattered but i cant even think straight right now