This is just a rant because I am sat here on my own in the living room and I just don't think I'll ever stop crying.
I feel like such a weak person, I am usually so strong but this year I am broken.
He broke me.
I am mid twenties with two children who are my world but I am struggling. I didn't want to parent on my own, it is hard. I work full time and I am trying to raise them with all the best intentions, with curiosity and interest but I just feel angry constantly.
He has them every other weekend for 24 hours and I resent it, I need more help I want them to enjoy their father and to build a proper relationship not be a mark in his diary.
He left ME for someone else, I know this. He left ME and not them and I feel so guilty that it is because of me that my children get so little of their father.
I need to work full time to pay the bills and for my own sanity too but I feel like I have no life other than work and children.
Then I see that he has been out with the woman he has left me for etc and I just think I will never meet anyone. ( he has asked me that I don't have any men at the house when the children are here, of course I wouldn't just bring men back but it limits dating etc when I have no child care) .
I just feel sad, like I wasted such a huge portion of my years on him. I felt like I was always waiting to be a priority because of his job and how demanding it was. Now we settle for the scraps behind her, when it should be my children who are the priority.
He has never been sorry, nor she. I don't expect grovelling but I did expect an attack of guilt or conscience on his behalf I thought I would get an unprompted apology or some acknowledgement.
I just couldn't cause unimaginable hurt and not care, I perhaps care too much his feelings. I have never used the children as a weapon, an empty threat twice but they have always been with him when they were supposed to be. I accept what he offers because I'm frightened of making him unhappy.
I would like him to have them more he seems it think 48 hours a month is his duty though.
I'm not selfish, I am just frightened I'll resent my children because I don't get a break from it. I would like to lay in or have an evening out but there is no room for them in this current schedule.
He just sees himself an only himself.
He constantly blows hot and cold with his mood towards me, I am just tired of having such a hard life when he has strolled off into the sunset with her.
I don't want to be jealous or bitter but it's hard not to be when I spent most of Christmas alone whilst he was with her.
I was hoping I'd have a wonderful life by now and it would be me skipping over him and waving my happiness in his face will he looked on from afar.
I'm angry that I am not strong enough to just accept and move on.
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Relationships
Ranting about my ex and my inability to let go
20 replies
Secretivebehaviour · 26/12/2015 20:16
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