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I'm not sure if I'm overreacting

(42 Posts)
Rufuswetwipe Sat 26-Dec-15 19:08:46

My DP calls me names. It's not all the time but it's enough to really bother me. Somtimes it's extreme, for example on a night out once he repeatedly called me a "little cunt". He called me a "slut" once because I was outside smoking too long. Those extreme cases are isolated incidents but there are regular "smaller" incidents such as what happened a few minutes ago. DP asked if I wanted a drink, I said yes a cup of tea please. He was only offering cold drinks apparently. He then told me I was lazy and bone idle. I leave the room to get something but I'm annoyed at this point and when I come back in he asks me a question which I answer with one word. He asks me what my problem is. I reply "it's you, you always call me names". A conversation follows which includes him telling me i am "insane" and "mental" and I've spoiled the night now. This is what bothers me the most, not only that it's ok to say these things but also that if I have any reaction at all then I'm insane.
When I'm angry he often tells me I need to look at myself or that he wishes he was recording me. He laughs also when I'm upset or angry. Like a sly, slow fake laugh that just makes me angrier. I've told him I want to split up as we clearly can't stand each other. I said this in anger but I think it's true. I suspect (though have no proof) that at times he's sullen and withdrawn on purpose just to keep me on my toes a bit? I can't even explain why I feel that. There are other small things that I've been noticing over the last few months that have been bothering me, like that he tends to use me as the butt of a joke when we are out with friends. I definitely have loads of flaws. I have a temper and he's definitely cleaner and tidier than me but Sometimes I feel that he might be manipulating me a bit? But I can't be sure.
Not sure what I am hoping to have answered here?

Joysmum Sat 26-Dec-15 19:12:35

Let me ask you this, would he behave like this with anyone else in the world?

I'm guessing no and that therefore make him mentally and verbally abusive to you.

I hope you can wake up and see it soon sad

Potatoface2 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:12:53

horrible man....only read the first 2 lines and decided that!

60sname Sat 26-Dec-15 19:12:54

He sounds like an arsehole

Millionsmom Sat 26-Dec-15 19:15:42

No you are not overreacting, he's awful.

AnyFucker Sat 26-Dec-15 19:16:16

He is the cunt

Please know you deserve better than that

Lweji Sat 26-Dec-15 19:21:01

You certainly don't need his permission to leave.

How would he react if you called him the same names (not recommending it, though).

BackInTheRealWorld Sat 26-Dec-15 19:22:22


DontMindMe1 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:22:37

why are you putting up with his bully behaviour?

Goingtobeawesome Sat 26-Dec-15 19:26:39

I stopped reading after he had called you a cunt and a slut. I didn't need to read more to see if I thought you should leave. Please leave this prat. You deserve better.

ImperialBlether Sat 26-Dec-15 19:26:49

What would you do if you were in a pub and heard a man talk like that to his girlfriend? Would you think he loved her? Would you think that's all she deserved?

You shouldn't live with this - it will grind you down and make you think you're worthless. You're not; you're worth so much more than this.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius Sat 26-Dec-15 19:29:33

Any man that called me a cunt would have seen me for the last time ever OP.

dontcallmethatyoucunt Sat 26-Dec-15 19:30:35

He is a nasty, prize size, wanker. I'm sorry OP, but what the hell is he bringing to the party? He is slowly grinding you down and I know this because you are not horrified that someone is calling you a little cunt.

If he's not adding to your life, let go of the hold and set yourself free.

Challenge him if you're feeling charitable, or just leave if you're feeling reasonable.

Morasssassafras Sat 26-Dec-15 19:32:46

He is being abusive. You are not imagining it or overreacting. When you are ready please start sorting out the practicalities of leaving him. You can get help with that if you need it.

notapizzaeater Sat 26-Dec-15 19:39:39

If you was at school and another child was calling you these names it would be bullying - what's so different ?

ivykaty44 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:43:50

Op get out of this relationship it is toxic and not good for your health.

This man has big issues and you will not change him.

Cinnamon2013 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:52:49

Do not waste any more of your precious time on your earth with this man.

Been there, done that, t-shirt etc. God it's great when you finally cut the ties and move on.

Bobblehat10 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:53:12

Toxic toxic toxic, this is not good, not acceptable, and is a reflection on what's going on in his head. You should leave ASAP.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Sat 26-Dec-15 19:56:36

He is verbally and mentally abusing you.

Please get away from him. It will only get worse - it's escalating already, and will continue to do so.

DraenorQueen Sat 26-Dec-15 20:42:42

With a person like this, in a relationship like this, the only possible advice I can give is that this will never, ever get better. He does not see you as an equal, or even as a human being with value. Most people don't treat their worst enemies like this!

There is so much more to life than being stuck with someone who treats you like he hates you.

Mitfordhons Sat 26-Dec-15 20:46:09

I have been married for seventeen years during which time we have had rows and got cross with each other, not once has my Dh called me a cunt or even lazy. That is not normal or what happens in loving relationships.

Cabrinha Sat 26-Dec-15 20:49:56

24 years of multiple boyfriends and 3 live togethers including a husband (now ex).

Never been called a cunt, slut or any other demeaning name. Even during break ups. Let alone when actually together!

It's not normal, and it's not acceptable lovey flowers

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 26-Dec-15 20:50:29

You don't deserve this and you should not accept it. He's emotionally abusive and a nasty bastard. Time to get rid.

Marchate Sat 26-Dec-15 20:54:59

Does he shout? Or does he enjoy making you shout, then sits quietly sneering?
Because I'm thinking 'Water Torturer' from the types of abusers.
There's a thread with the full list of types. A quick search should find it fairly quickly

Rufuswetwipe Sat 26-Dec-15 20:55:00

Sorry for the delay and thank you everyone for the responses. thanks

I am in the middle of a long discussion right now and will be back to update shortly

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