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Husbands left me

(10 Posts)
Rodney1 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:07:01

After 25 years together my husbands left me for someone he's known 5 weeks. I'm devastated and want him back. It's been a week now. My daughters are devastated, he hasn't been in touch. I miss him so much. What can I do? I haven't slept properly and am struggling to eat. I didn't even know there was anything wrong with our marriage.

Potatoface2 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:10:53

hes done this over christmas!!!....wow....how old are your daughters? do you know where he is. ddi he take all his things with him?...ive had a similar thing happen to me over christmas too (few years ago)

RedMapleLeaf Sat 26-Dec-15 19:13:53

I recommend the book titled something like Abandoned wife syndrome and runaway husbands. Ignore the terrible title.

Reach out to lots of friends and family and acquaintances and strangers.

Get legal advice.

Do not contact him.

Set yourself a deadline for eating and sleeping, and if they don't improve by that point get to a doctors.

Walk.

RedMapleLeaf Sat 26-Dec-15 19:15:21

I didn't even know there was anything wrong with our marriage.

Oh, and this? You will try and try to figure out what went "wrong". Eventually you will come to the realisation that you can't figure it out, and life will get a lot easier.

Rodney1 Sat 26-Dec-15 19:25:26

My daughters are in their early twenties. One still lives at home and she's devastated. The other ones a bit better. I know where he is. He came for all his stuff at the beginning of this week. I just can't cope! I was better at work, I love my job and colleagues, but I'm lonely now. I've lost nearly a stone in weight. I won't have an issue keeping the house as I've a good job. I just want him back!

tipsytrifle Sat 26-Dec-15 19:44:41

So sorry to hear this. I think in truth you are just going to have to ride out the shock and try to calm yourself in the next few weeks. If he's going to see what an idiot he's been and return then you need to be in control. You've said you want him back but you can't ignore this event, pretend it never happened.

It would have been polite and honest if he'd have talked about his dissatisfaction before leaping into an affair that will almost certainly fail shortly into the New Year. Instinct would suggest a whirlwind "thing" in his head and heart that's all about him.

For now put yourself on recovery comfort food if you can. You actually need to build your strength rather than let it drain away. This is the beginning of Change, like it or not. You need to look after yourself because he's just given up any responsibility towards you. This needs to be you. Surviving.

Don't try and contact him. Leave that up to him. He's not done so well on communication so don't expect miracles!

You're fortunate to be financially stable with or without him so count your blessings and get your mind clear about what's happened and what you'd like to happen next. Not "I want him back" stuff, not weeping and wailing. Grown up Woman stuff about who the hell does he think he is to do this shit. Anger. It'll come anyway.

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 19:52:11

Yogurt & soup it's hard to swallow food at a time like this but you must eat.

I can't advise on the other stuff other than I hope you get angry soon. I'm sure others with good advice & experience will be along soon

Much love,

flowers

coffeeisnectar Sat 26-Dec-15 20:02:05

Get a solicitors letter sent to him telling him you want a divorce. It might shock him into coming back. But would you trust him again? I think very few relationships survive that level of betrayal.

At the moment you want your life and husband back but if he did I think you'll find it would never be the same unless you get counselling and he's completely honest and you can truly forgive him.

For now make sure you eat. Keep busy, walk or clean or just read a book. But at some point please start to get angry.

Potatoface2 Sat 26-Dec-15 20:10:54

you have to show you can cope...even if you feel you cant...toughen up, make decisions, show that you dont need him (even if you do) and watch what happens....you may find him turning up begging for forgiveness, and you will look at him and think its really not what you want by then....good luck

MizK Sat 26-Dec-15 20:11:44

Oh my god I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to happen.

The only practical advice I have is perhaps going to the doctor if the physical effects of the shock and sadness are too much - maybe they can give you something to help you sleep and get through this.

FWIW I doubt that if he comes to his senses and begs forgiveness that you will actually want him back. You will get to the point where you will feel disgust that he could be so cruel and selfish and want better for yourself.

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