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Single mum dating.

(14 Posts)
britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 14:07:12

Went out on a date with a guy that did loads of future faking - I'll take you here/there/everywhere - we'll do this & that.
When we met just before Christmas the date was good but following, I could tell the vibe changed. So I sent him an upbeat message saying that all cool but I could tell it wasn't happening on his part but was nice to have met him - no response.
Few days later Xmas day didn't hear anything so I wished him happy Christmas he said it back then I said shame it didn't work out - no response.
Urrrrrgh now I feel like a bit of a stalker. Just really struggling to understand why men are full on into you then flip and do the whole ignore thing.
I just feel a bit irrationally cross (I appreciate he is not obliged to like me)
I'm a single mum with not much going on & he arrived with loads of big ideas, big talk & promise. He persisted through my cynicism and then as soon as he had my attention dropped me.
I actually feel like I'm 38, I totally give up & I'll never have sex again!!!

👆I'm being melodramatic but seriously.

Does OLD actually work?? I just get the impression people that people can treat people how they want.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 26-Dec-15 14:14:22

It's reasonable to feel cross. You were conned. I think this happens in RL as opposed to OLD. OLD is just a numbers game. I met DP OLD, but he was about 200 in iuswim. (I didn't meet 200, but that was the approximate no who messaged me/engaged me in sometimes ludicrous conversations etc. I am older than you, if it helps. The way I look at it is you are a reasonable person looking for a partner, there must be male equivalents out there, no?!

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 14:18:18

Yes you are right. It's just hard to suck it up and shout 'next' sometimes isn't it?
I class myself as a bright person with a healthy dollop of cynicism but I truly thought my ship had come in - turned out to be a deflated dinghy 😂

Fckup Sat 26-Dec-15 14:25:57

In a similar position, really don't want to be single for rest of my life but don't know where to begin.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 26-Dec-15 14:30:52

Sometimes I did have to step away from it for a while. I think maybe OLD is a bit like child-birth. You forget the pain after a bit. smile

Cinnamon2013 Sat 26-Dec-15 14:40:54

Sorry to hear this - it's shit behaviour. I've never done OLD but it happened to me various times in RL. Found someone lovely in the end. He was only easy to spot because my knob-radar was well honed by then. Frog-kissing helps long-term. You'll meet someone better.

TooSassy Sat 26-Dec-15 14:50:29


You should join the dating thread no 93 for some support. How many dates did you go on?? Sounds like 1 or 2??? Apologies if I'm wrong.

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 14:51:22

Yes. I need to look at how far I've come over the past year. It was only his weird persistence that got him through my series of knob tests!
Yea I think I will have a break & plan some good stuff for the new year. Yes definitely good comparing it to childbirth - the hurt will fade quick!
Usually, I'm good with being independent & single. Christmas just made me a bit gooey & sad.
I just wish men with exciting lives & fancy lifestyles would realise the effect of bullshit on a single mum.

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 14:53:49

We went on one date but we'd been chatting for two months and talking on the phone for hours.
👆 I know it's stupid to feel sad about this. I just do!

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 14:57:00

Yea I will definitely look at that thread. I need it in my life. Mates are all married & dating culture has shifted since I was last single. It's like learning a new language!!

hefzi Sat 26-Dec-15 15:13:11

I'm sorry this happened to you - but my one piece of advice (as someone who doesn't date any more!) is to make sure you get to the meeting etc much sooner: when you're emailing and talking for hours, it's easier to feel a connection that might not actually be there irl, and to have invested so much into the "relationship" that it's harder to let go. Fine to establish you've got enough in common to meet, but then go for a coffee, and see for yourself!

And it's not just single mums who are able to be hurt by bullshit - anyone can, and none of us understand why men do all that bollocks: but some do, and the important thing is to try to weed out those with that sort of tendency earlier rather than later - though that's easier said than done, I know.

Hang in there, anyway - and may 2016 be your year!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 26-Dec-15 15:43:00

What Hefzi said. Two weeks max chatting 'on line', before meeting. If they stall at this point, move on.

ittooshallpass Sat 26-Dec-15 16:57:54

I'm in the same position as you OP... just 10 years older! OLD is a numbers game (so I'm repeatedly told). Unfortunately, being a single mum with very little free time (my dd's dad is very hit and miss on contact) does make it doubly difficult.

I don't know what the answer is... but as others have said, meet up sooner so you can make a decision about whether it's right for you or not before you become attached (to something that doesn't exist).

He sounds like a player... chalk it up to experience... and don't be sad. He isn't right for you.

britmodgirl Sat 26-Dec-15 16:58:12

Yea you are right lessons learnt.

Also didn't mean to say that people without children can't get hurt of course they can. Just meant it is harder for me to get out, get my groove on & recover (24/7 mum)

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