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Please some one help advise...

(14 Posts)
chris3922 Sat 26-Dec-15 01:34:26

I got married in March 2014 and three months in found out my wife and mother of my son was having an affair with her manager. We split up and are in the middle of a divorce. Now.. I met someone else 9 months on and we get on amazingly. Been together almost a year. She's great with my son. Has a son herself and her ex bf cheated on her so she knows what i went through (she was married too but now divorced) and I know what she went through. However. A few months back she reconnected with a friend from when she was married. They were talking every day and eventually I discovered he had sent a naked photo of himself via Facebook. Now they had been talking over snapchat day in day out. We spoke about it and she blocked and deleted him on everything. His number. Facebook. Snapchat. Whatsapp. Now today of all days being Christmas Day she asked me to pop on her phone. It went off and being touch screen I opened the message. And low and behold it's off this person she supposedly blocked and deleted but she's still talking to him. She's made me go for counselling for my marriage issues but I feel she isn't helping or contributing by still talking to this guy and one other behind my back. I don't know what to do. I'm head over heels in love with my partner and don't want to loose her. But I'm worried something is going on somewhere. Either with this guy (she blocked and deleted) or our decorator friend who she had screen shotted a message from and put in her hidden photo folder which said how much this person had fallen for this girl and he loved the kisses and cuddles cause they felt real etc. I've had enough bad news today. I honestly don't know what to do now. Can someone please shed some light.
Thank you in advance. And merry Christmas.

Bluecarrot Sat 26-Dec-15 01:39:51

In short, will you ever trust this girl ever again?
I'd be running for the hills.

Sorry sad

chris3922 Sat 26-Dec-15 01:46:12

I did. And part of me still does. I'm not with my ex wife anymore. And she knows what I've been through. Just seems like something doesn't add up. She is so attentive and loving and caring. But it's just how she has gone back to talking to this particular person again after he sent her (as she put it) an "indecent photo knowing she was taken"

Chippednailvarnish Sat 26-Dec-15 01:51:54

Sorry, but she's playing you. I'd be dumping her asap.

antimatter Sat 26-Dec-15 02:10:49

How can you trust anything she says?

chris3922 Sat 26-Dec-15 02:47:33

I don't know at the moment. It's not just
Me. It's her son. It's my son. We've become a family. I just don't know what's happening or what to do especially Christmas Day of all bloody days

Italiangreyhound Sat 26-Dec-15 03:56:29

So sorry Chris. It doesn't look good. You can of course trust her if you wish to. But it just does not look good.

yuo deserve better. the fact she has been through it before and you have, and she knows what you have been through means it is worse, I think. She is not thinking of your feelings. If a man sent me a naked photo I woudl certainly delete and block him! But then I am an old prude!

Try not to worry about which day it is.

Look after you.

chris3922 Sat 26-Dec-15 09:37:09

Italiangreyhound that's just it, she did delete and block him off everything. But then I discovered she's back talking to him again after her sent her a naked photo where everything was visible. Needless to say I was not happy. And now I'm not even more so. Especially after being made to go to interpersonal therapy due to my past problems with my marriage. How can she expect me to go through that to help benefit our relationship if she is just gonna hide things and go behind my back and talk to this guy again.

Italiangreyhound Sat 26-Dec-15 11:57:14

How can she expect me to go through that to help benefit our relationship if she is just gonna hide things and go behind my back and talk to this guy again.

Maybe she thinks she has you wrapped around her little finger.

Sorry but you need to assess if this relationship is right for you. Are you paying the bills, are you living together, are you doing all the emotional work etc etc.

Sorry but she sounds awful. Are you sure you are not more in love with the stability of a 'safe' family rather than going it alone. Are you sure you were not both on the rebound from bad relationships first time around.

Be nice to you.

RedMapleLeaf Sat 26-Dec-15 12:14:25

Do you think that she realises just how much you want to be in a relationship that you'll allow her to treat you like this?

MoominPie22 Sat 26-Dec-15 12:42:07

What did she say once you confronted her about re-opening lines of communication with this guy again? Especially knowing how it makes you feel and what you've been through. Definately it's bang out of order getting a naked pic from someone and not deleting it straight away.

Obviously trust is a big issue here but maybe just give her the benefit of the doubt and a final chance to not piss all over your trust. Has she said she loves you too? If you're invested in this relationship, all you can do is tell her how you feel about everything and let her know that if she breaks your trust ( again! ) then that's the finish. Nothing physical has actually happened, just daft texts etc....but I would definately be telling her what I'm prepared to and not prepared to tolerate. Everyone has different boundaries and tolerance levels in this area, of course, but that is what I would do in your shoes.

chris3922 Sun 27-Dec-15 07:46:36

What bothers me is the decorator that she screen shotted the photo of the message he sent and hid away she was helping him through personal issues. But it's not like she can say it's even for that cause there would be no need to save it. Or any need to hide it away from her main picture folders plus there's two normal pictures of this person in there too. As for the one she blocked I don't know what they've been talking about or doing as I have no way of finding out the fact I found out before was sheer luck tbh. I love my OH and her son more than anything. I just don't know what to do I don't want to loose her not just for the fact we have built a stable family together but because I do genuinely love her

RedMapleLeaf Sun 27-Dec-15 09:47:16

It doesn't sound as though you have built a stable family together though sad. Firstly, a stable relationship doesn't usually involve naked photos of a third party. Secondly, less than a year is a short time to have "built a family".

RedMapleLeaf Sun 27-Dec-15 09:48:54

You can run yourself ragged trying to find a nice reason for her actions, but there isn't one. And in the meantime you're wasting time and energy that could be spent on a happier life.

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