Please help me get through this as I can't cope anymore.
I'm 6 months down from finding out about my husbands affair and feel like I've gone downhill more than forward.
I'm really struggling with everything. He isn't interested in the girls and only make contact when he get pressured by his dad to do hence him turning up today after no contact for almost 2 months and before that also 2.5 month no contact only getting in touch when he is being pressured to do so by his parents.
He keeps on cancelling mediation meaning we are nowhere near sorting things out. Today started off okay after a terrible start to the week after I was extremely anxious about sitting with him in mediation the day before what would have been our 9th wedding anniversary. I cancelled the only plans I had this holiday as our app was at 10am. I then got a text message after 10pm that he could no longer do it the next morning. I was so upset but at the same time so relieved as it meant I didn't have to see him on Tuesday. The Wednesday would have been our anniversary. Yesterday was his birthday and the girls was upset as the run up to Christmas has always been busy due to all the celebrations. I had no way of contacting him as he blocked me.
Anyway last night before I went to bed at around 2am I got a message from him asking what I was doing today or Boxing Day. I ignored as it was the first contact in 6 weeks. This morning I had numerous messages again and his family said that I should think what the girls wanted.
I therefore called him and arranged for him to come around. He asked if he could sit and eat with us and as much as I didn't want to I agreed as I knew the girls would have loved it.
He came around (empty handed) proceeded to tell the girls that he will have a "proper Christmas" with them. They will have a "proper Christmas dinner" and play Family games and have an awesome time with OW.
I just continued finishing off dinner and towards the end asked my 8 year old to lay the table. She laid table for only us 3 and I told him to tell her that he will be staying for lunch. He turned around and said actually he's changed his mind. I completely started messing up our Christmas dinner didn't out half of the dinner in the oven as I was so aware of him being in the house. By the time we had to sit down and eat he insisted on sitting at the table not eating. To be fair the food didn't look Christmassy at all. Half the food I bought I didn't cook. I didn't even have the crackers on the table. My kids favourite part. I couldn't hold myself how he went on and on and had to excuse myself from the table. In the end he only stayed for the hour with loads of promises. The kids asked to spend "Their Christmas" without OW on Sunday and he just said okay.
Just seeing him today has completely get me all anxious again. I cannot cope anymore. My only support I have are school mums who are all spending Christmas time with their families.
How do I get stronger. How do I move on?
How do I not end it right now and makes things easier and him and her can raise them as I have no one in this country. PLEASE HELP?
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Please help me get through this. Can't anymore
11 replies
CookiesNookie · 25/12/2015 23:57
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