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today made me realise I don't want to be with someone

(19 Posts)
lazymoz Fri 25-Dec-15 22:25:38

Had a lovely Christmas Day today with all the family. I have been seeing someone for 7 months. Due to ill health within my family I didn't want to include him in the meal etc just wanted it to be family. That was fine he had his own plans so everything was fine. He came today at 12 to see me for an hour and to exchange gifts. The whole thing was awkward (he is a bit bah humbug about christmas) and it just felt weird.

The thing is he is meant to be coming to another family members house tomorrow and I don't want him to go...I don't even think I want to be with him anymore. He has met family once briefly and I just feel he will be awkward.

What do I do? It's Christmas...do I just keep my mouth shut and he still comes and it's awkward or do I tell him tomorrow that I would rather he didn't come?

I'm such an arse sometimes

Reese123 Sat 26-Dec-15 01:41:25

What's the point in delaying the inevitable - just tell him. No point your family or him making connections when he is not going to be around. He probably can make other plans

Cantwaittillboxingday Sat 26-Dec-15 06:31:46

When you get to the stage where you don't want him around your family or you don't want to share celebrations with them, it's over. I would tell him the truth.

tawse57 Sat 26-Dec-15 07:51:49

Yes, split up with him at Christmas so that, forever, he will associate Christmas with the hurt of being dumped.

What a selfish self-centred person you sound - at least leave it a few days for decency sake. Have some empathy for someone else's feelings at this time of year.

Hissy Sat 26-Dec-15 07:56:11

Id keep to the plans and see how I felt after the visit today.

Chances are you won't feel any differently, but you will be sure of your feelings

rainbowstardrops Sat 26-Dec-15 08:02:51

I'd also leave it just for now. See what he's like around your family and how you feel about him then and then make your choice.

I agree that it's a pretty shit thing to do dumping someone right on Christmas.

Presumably you didn't just suddenly not want to be with him, this must have had a lead up surely?

Did he not buy you a nice present?

LaurieFairyCake Sat 26-Dec-15 08:06:46

Is he awkward because it's Christmas? Or because it's your family?

Is he generally socially awkward?

I'd leave it a few days anyway (not because it's Christmas) but because turning up for an hour then leaving is quite an awkward thing - it's not something most are practised at. So if he comes today for the day see how it goes. It might go ok.

diddl Sat 26-Dec-15 08:12:47

I agree with Laurie.

That said, you don't seem to like him, do you really think that he'll be awkward or are you just looking for an excuse to get rid?

category12 Sat 26-Dec-15 08:34:47

For goodness sake, it wouldn't tarnish Xmas forever for this guy - being ditched isn't like someone died. Bit ott there hmm. He'll move on and forget the op. Crikey, it's just a 7 month relationship.

Especially when he's the bah humbug type already.

It's tough, but if you don't want to be with him, don't stick it out. If you don't want to end it just like that, just make up a reason he can't come - extra family coming no room, tummy bug, whatever and avoid until it is OK to dump someone hmm, 2nd of January?! hmm

DoreenLethal Sat 26-Dec-15 08:43:01

I'm sure he will get over it. Why waste any day with someone you don't want to be with?

JeanSeberg Sat 26-Dec-15 08:43:56

You've missed the transfer deadline day which was 16 December and are obliged to stay with him now until early January.

ovenchips Sat 26-Dec-15 08:48:53

Jeanfgrin

lazymoz Sat 26-Dec-15 10:24:00

Thanks for advice ladies

ivykaty44 Sat 26-Dec-15 10:27:41

What are you going to do?

Twitterqueen Sat 26-Dec-15 10:30:12

Maybe plead illness in the other family group and say plans have changed and it's not a small occasion? Then see him in a day or two and see how you feel.

I think PPs are being a little over-dramatic in saying he will forever associate Christmas with being dumped and what a terrible thing to do .....

7 months is not long for a relationship and I don't believe in faking it. But then I'm happier on my own too fgrin

Joysmum Sat 26-Dec-15 10:44:02

People can't make an arbitrary statement one way or the other about how he would take being dumped after 7 months as they don't know how in love with the OP he is.

He may very well associated ate Christmas with being dumped if he's madly in love, he may well be thankful the OP dumps him so he doesn't have to do it.

There's done pretty strong viewpoints being robustly expressed for something unknown.

category12 Sat 26-Dec-15 12:22:05

If it's my robust opinion you refer to grin it was in grumpy response to a pp suggesting his future Christmases will forever carry the memory of being dumped if the op breaks up with him now. However much you love someone, if you get dumped you really need to build a bridge and get over it, not let it spoil your futured special occasions forever hmm. Life stinks sometimes. You move on.

I don't think someone should stay with someone else (what, and kiss, have sex with someone?) that they don't want to be with any longer, just cos it's Christmas.

Cabrinha Sat 26-Dec-15 13:05:17

I've been dumped twice over Valentine's Day 😂
I think actually doing it on Xmas Eve / Xmas Day if the other person has done nothing wrong is unnecessarily cruel, but Boxing Day is a clearing out sort of day. Definitely OK to do it. Preferable to waiting til NY and having to do through any "it'll be a wonderful year because of got you" excruciating comments!

lazymoz Sun 27-Dec-15 00:16:23

Hi everyone, he didn't come today, I think he was relieved when I said and he spent it doing something he enjoyed. I think I'm just being a bit precious about family time as a family member is ill with cancer and it's making every moment so much more important.

It's been 7 months but I'm not in love..I'm not a cruel person, it's just ran it's course.

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