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Concern over relationship between my step grandson and his mum.

(21 Posts)
Darnley Fri 25-Dec-15 22:23:11

He us 12.5 and a bit if a mummy's boy. Can hardly bare her out of his sight, she describes him as a good friend. They snuggle together on the sofa to watch tv. It all makes me a bit uncomfortable. Is this normal, or are my instincts on the money, I'm not thinking that this is abuse, but feel it's far from healthy, and that his relationship with his mum will see him being vilified on these boards in a few years.
Happy to be told I am wrong...

LynetteScavo Fri 25-Dec-15 22:27:57

Your concern is that they are too close? Or he's too dependant on her? Is he happy to go to school and not be with her all day?

I'm not really sure what the issue is. confused

TonySopranosVest Fri 25-Dec-15 22:31:57

Step grandson? Is the mum your stepdaughter?

CustardLover Fri 25-Dec-15 22:33:26

Is there more to your discomfort that a son and his mother snuggling on the sofa when watching TV?

BackInTheRealWorld Fri 25-Dec-15 22:36:06

what kind of abuse are you assuming?
I honestly don't get it?

ShortcutButton Fri 25-Dec-15 22:37:11

I think its unusual for a boy of that age to not want his mum out of his sight

I think you are going to get roasted though

Darnley Fri 25-Dec-15 22:43:39

Suspect your right short cut. Yes, his mum is my dsd of many years. She's a great parent, but her relationship with her eldest bothers me. It may well be my issue, but just wanted to see whether the snuggling was usual or not.

rosebiggs Fri 25-Dec-15 22:46:38

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with a 12 year old snuggling up to his Mum on the sofa.

Killingmesoftly79 Fri 25-Dec-15 22:52:05

Nothing wrong at all with snuggling. My 8 year old son loves to snuggle up whilst we watch TV - I can only hope he still wants to do that in a few years. I'm 36 and will still give my mum or dad a snuggle if they are here.

The not wanting to have his mum out of his sight is a different issue and would indicate some kind of separation anxiety, but none of this seems out of order or remotely abusive.

GasLIghtShining Fri 25-Dec-15 23:12:34

My 17 year old still does this.

The other issues are a problem. I presume that his mum does not think it is weird that he won't let her out of his site?

enderwoman Fri 25-Dec-15 23:13:56

The snuggling is fine but I'd worry about not letting his mum out of sight - anxiety?

rosebiggs Fri 25-Dec-15 23:25:43

Are you sure you aren't over egging the not letting his Mum out of his sight op?
Are they in their own home or in your home?

ProbablyMe Fri 25-Dec-15 23:36:30

My 12 1/2 yo DS snuggles up with me. His older brothers did at that age too. Totally normal.

Lovelydiscusfish Fri 25-Dec-15 23:50:09

Does he go to school, or is he homeschooled? If school, does he get on ok there, and have friends and so forth? If he is getting on ok at school, and mixing in well socially, then I'd suggest that any fears about him having an excessively bonded relationship to his mum are unfounded.
Some people are just more extravagant in their demonstrations of familial affection than others. As long as he's doing ok in the wider world, it's nothing to worry about.

PrimeDirective Fri 25-Dec-15 23:54:24

All seems perfectly normal. Sounds lovely to have a close relationship.

magoria Sat 26-Dec-15 00:23:29

Mine is nearly 15 and still likes a snuggle.

Shame he is an unpleasant hormonal lump grin

pieceofpurplesky Sat 26-Dec-15 00:38:21

My nearly 12 year old snuggles every night and at the weekends jumps in my bed when he wakes up because I have a tv
He has also suffered separation anxiety and wouldn't leave me alone or let me go out after his dad left as he was afraid I would not return. Counselling had helped this.

StrumpersPlunkett Sat 26-Dec-15 00:41:36

My 12 year old ds1 loves to snuggle
He has teddies still
He goes to sleep quicker if I rub his back
He loves physical closeness.
At some point he won't want to so I am enjoying every last moment.

Kacie123 Sat 26-Dec-15 06:56:09

It's a bit unclear from your OP what the problem is. Is this something which affects his behaviour constantly (anxiety or panic attacks, refuses to go to school, refuses trips out with friends etc etc) or is it only stuff you've seen with your own eyes?

You don't sound very fond of her from your short OP - what's your relationship like in general? What's worrying you - does she talk about him like he's a substitute husband or something? What does your son think?

I do feel that moving from "snuggling" loving behaviour aged 12 to something like long-term incestuous, emotional or sexual abuse (or at least I'm guessing that's what your hinting at?) is a pretty big and unpleasant leap of imagination...

Is there a chance that your grandson (assuming he is) tries to be more protective and cuddly of her when you're around? Or he might just not want to be left alone in a room with you for some reason?

Meanwhile if this was most overt yesterday, Christmas might not be the best time to judge a kid's daily behaviour...

LynetteScavo Sat 26-Dec-15 08:01:37

The snuggling isn't unusual. We love snuggling up to watch TV in this house.

The not wanting his mum out of his sight suggests separation anxiety. I presume you would know if he'd had something happen in his life to make him feel like this. I knew one boy his age whose mum became ill, and as a single mum of 5 encouraged all the DC to help around the house, half joking they'd have to look after themselves if she wasn't around any more. The 12yo DS refused to leave her side, even to play outside in the street with other children, although he did go to school.

I've heard of other boys behave like this when they are genuinely concerned for a parent for other reasons such as domestic abuse.

The best friend comment makes me wonder if mum and son have been through a lot together.

Learningtoletgo Sat 26-Dec-15 08:33:10

Do you have kids Darnley? Do they snuggle up with you?

Just wondering what your experience on this was.

I think the fact he goes to school would suggest he's not got that much of a separation issue. Maybe it's just certain situations that trigger anxiety in him?

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