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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Found number on husbands phone

79 replies

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 21:49

So it's Christmas Day and me and the husband have ended it with an argument. We have a great relationship most of the time with a few arguments here and there like most people. He's an amazing dad and is very affectionate and I know I can count on him. I can't imagine my life without him.

I don't know why I did it but I looked at his contacts on his phone, he doesn't have many, but a woman's name caught my eye. I know he went to high school with her. I've asked him about it and he's said he has no idea how the number got in his phone and that he hasn't spoken to her in years. To me this is absolute bullshit, how does a number just appear in your phone, it doesn't. So at this point I'm wondering why is he lying to me. It's just a number, it's not like I've found messages or anything to her. I just asked why her number was in his phone. So now I'm very paranoid. Do I believe him? He's very stubborn so if he is lying he isn't going to give up the truth he won't want to be caught out looking a twat for lying.

He's gone mad for me looking at his phone which I can't blame him for but if he was to look at mine I don't think I'd care, I've nothing to hide. He's turned it all round on me saying I don't trust him etc so now I look the bad one. Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:

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Lelania · 25/12/2015 21:58

My old phone had a thing where it could synch phone numbers from Facebook if people had added them to their profiles. Is it possible that this happened here?

timelytess · 25/12/2015 22:00

The MN principle of 'you should never look at his phone' is rubbish. If you notice, or if you're suspicious and check, you do what you have to do.

If he has a woman's phone number, the most likely reason is that he put it there.

So, that isn't ok with you. What are you going to do about it?

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:02

He tried to say that but he has hundreds of Facebook friends and hers is the only one from Facebook except really close friends and family and her name was saved as like a short version of her name so just an example "nat d" instead of the full name. That's when he just said he didn't know how it has got there. I'm just really confused I don't want to be made a fool of, he might have been messaging her and deleting the messages, I never had trust issues before this. I know I looked at his phone which was wrong I don't even know what made me do it.

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Lisawantsacat · 25/12/2015 22:02

My phone has done this. It synced my contact list with all my social media friend lists, so people I've not spoken to in years but never bothered removing from FB have appeared in my phone book. I obviously don't know if that's what happened here but it isn't impossible.

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:05

I don't know what I'm going to do about it to be honest because he's adamant that he doesn't know how it got there so what do I say to that? All I can say is your lying (which I have) but he will just keep denying it and saying I don't trust him.

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MaisieDotes · 25/12/2015 22:05

Im usually 100% cynical but Facebook has added contacts to my phone before.

I think it happens rarely enough because most people, sensibly, don't have their mobile number on their FB profile.

Having the number in and of itself is one thing. You'll need to see whether there's been any activity between your DH's phone and the number.

What is your gut telling you?

MissApple · 25/12/2015 22:07

Facebook does add numbers to your phone. I had some who I had never asked for.

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:09

How do I check if there has been activity? I looked at messages and even looked at his Facebook messages and there's nothing. My guy is telling me he put it there because like I said no other Facebook contact have synced. His old phone did that and he literally had loads of people on his phone that he didn't even speak to, I know this coz he told me how annoying it was. This is a new phone that he's had a couple of months and it's not synced to Facebook. I feel like he used the Facebook excuse as it's the first thing he could think of and when I said hold on that's not true she's the only contact etc he's just settles with he has no idea how it got there he hasn't seen or spoken to her for years.... So how's it got there? The contact fairy?!

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NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:09

Gut not guy

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anotherbloomingusername · 25/12/2015 22:09

To my mind, if it was just an innocent glitch because of facebook, then his response might not have been so negative. More like, "Hmm, wonder why that's happened..."

If it's innocent then why has he gone mad?

FelicityGubbins · 25/12/2015 22:10

If you can access his phone bill that should tell you whether he has been in contact with her, if not then just delete her from his phone.
If he has been in contact with her then you know he is lying and go from there...

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:19

I don't have access to his phone bill. There's no other way to know unless he tells the truth. Don't know what to think.

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shazzarooney99 · 25/12/2015 22:21

I would say the fact that he has gone mad at you for looking at his phone is very telling.

bettyberry · 25/12/2015 22:22

My iphone auto syncs any numbers of FB friends and adds them as contacts to my mobile. I have random numbers appear on my phone from school friends but it only does that to with people who have made their contact numbers visible for friends/public.

Its also added email address to my contacts from people I have emailed recently.

CherryPits · 25/12/2015 22:25

He could be totally innocent

I have contacts in my phone which I have no idea how they got there (my DH synced it up with my computer) and i don't want them in there, nor do I contact them.

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:25

But does it save them as their name appears on Facebook. Because this hasn't, it's like he's put the persons name in.

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Bellyrub1980 · 25/12/2015 22:27

Not sure if this helps but my phone seems to have synced my numbers to my email contacts. I have no idea how or why.

I have several people in my contacts list who are a complete mystery to me.

Ringadingdingdong · 25/12/2015 22:29

I would have said the Facebook thing too, but if that was the case then you'd expect there to be more and for the name to be exactly the same. I smell bullshit. Sorry.

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:30

He's now saying when he copied his contacts over from his old phone (the one that was synced to Facebook) he must have copied hers over too. So I've asked him why has he copied her contact details over out of all those people when according to him he hasn't spoken to her for years. Doesn't make sense

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bettyberry · 25/12/2015 22:30

Yes, it should appear like it is on facebook BUT if the name on facebook was changed after it was synced it will look different.

My school friends name in my phone is still under her maiden name from when I first downloaded the FB app and it synched. She married about 8mths ago and it hasn't changed. (i've turned off auto sync etc)

It could also appear if it was saved to a sim card.

If you share an icloud account or a google contacts account.

I added my goggle contacts and accidently ended up with ex's bosses number because we shared our calendars and contacts added onto the calendars.

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 25/12/2015 22:30

Gmail does this too and might use the abbreviated name if that's how the email contact is set up. Has annoyingly synced contacts into my phone I haven't emailed in years.

CherryPits · 25/12/2015 22:34

Yes, it saves the number, their name and their email address.

I think one day I shall contact a bunch of people by accident because of it

and to get rid I have to go through one by one, deleting. It would take forever.

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BoneyBackJefferson · 25/12/2015 22:34

I have contacts on my phone that are from my google account because they are sync'd together, I have removed several but they reappear as they constantly sync with each other.

(apologies for the repartition in the post)

FelicityGubbins · 25/12/2015 22:35

Ask him to put the argument to bed once and for all by showing you his phone bill, tell that if her number isn't there then you will issue a grovelling apology to him.

NA200712 · 25/12/2015 22:37

Good idea felicitygubbins I'll keep you posted then if I get to see it

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