I'm absolutely not in a position to get into a relationship, but that doesn't mean I want to be a nun while I get my shit together. I've been chatting to a few guys online, and have been totally honest about what I want and they seem OK with that.
Am I setting myself up for disaster? I've promised myself I'll back off if I feel like I'm getting emotionally involved but I know that's easier said than done.
And part of me worries that anyone I get into a FWB scenario with is just going to think I'm a slut...but I just absolutely cannot get involved right now.
yes it can work as long as you set the terms before you go any further my FWb and i lasted three years on and off, we had a great time at either his flat or mine but never went out in public, we laughed, listened to music watched films so all the good things about having someone there but without all the hassle that being a proper couple entails and of course the sex was fantastic, eventually he met someone else and so did i who we have settled down with to a proper relationship, we are still friends when we bump into one another but thats it , it was a good time and now having a different good time
I had this amazing British African man who used to come and see me about ten o clock, sometimes on work nights! I used to cook him food, he'd eat it and then we'd get on the bed and make love. He was 6'4, lovely and muscley and once we did it standing up in front of the mirror. The sight of his arms!!! He was amazing. Didn't use to stay the night tho, and only every now and then so not often and no romantic feelings. But did love cuddling up and sleeping in his arms afterwards for a bit. Have fun op!!!
Yes, it can work, but only for people with whom desire for sex does not trigger desire for love. But the trouble is that most people are not aware of the connection they have in their own psyche. Women are commonly raised to strongly associate sex and love (or be sluts) while men are raised to think in terms of the exact opposite (should be able to one night stand with no emotional attachment). So, what happens, is that women can come to learn they CAN separate the two and men come to learn they CANT.
I have had a few. One was an ex.. We parted at the time mutually but then I meet him out one night and we ended up in bed. We started seeing each other a few times a month purely for sex. This went on for a few years but then I started having strong feelings for him so I had to distance myself from him as I didn't want to get hurt. Another was/is a guy I've known for almost 10 years. We tend to go through periods of sleeping together regularly but then can go 6 months/a year before we get together again. He has and always will be a friend. We have a good connection but I just dont like him that way to make it a serious thing.
I say go for it. Just be strong with yourself in that it is only sex
If this is dates from people on the Intranet, please be careful. This may not be so much friends with benefits as random strangers for sex. I don't mean that unkindly, I just mean it is one thing to fall for a friend sexually, not intend to get into a relationship but to have sex when you know them and their history ... and it is another to meet someone anonymously on line and start a sexual relationship.
I met my husband at a 'dating agency' (not really on line pretty much before on line was so much of a thing, more pen pals!) so I am not against dating agencies.
Re but I just absolutely cannot get involved right now. Is there an issue you need to address? FWB is up to you but I am guessing most people long term might want more, them or you, so whatever reason is holding you back from a relationship, are you looking into it?
What happens if a FWB situation turns into a pregnancy?
What if FWB turns into real love?
I guess it's each to their own but I always knew I wanted to get married and have kids, which sounds very boring but which has actually been the greatest thing for me.
There are lots of reasons why I can't get involved right now, I left my EA husband back in March after his behaviour led me to have a breakdown, I have a lot of work to do to undo the damage he has caused. The divorce is very messy and we're going to Court next year.
I started dating someone casually in May but it very quickly became a 'relationship', we'd not made long term plans but had plans for next year, then without warning 3 weeks ago he broke it off and cut all contact, it nearly broke me.
At the moment I'm aware that maybe I'm not even ready for casual dating but my self-esteem is so low that I can't see any worth in myself unless someone is interested in me. I know it's fucked up but that's how it is. I'm working on sorting this out, but I still crave physical contact in the meantime. I've got 2 potential dates lined up and have been completely honest with both of them about what I can offer.
Plus I have 2 small boys (3&5) who are already slightly confused as to why they're not seeing ex boyfriend and his children any more, I don't want to add anyone else into their lives right now.
If I start feeling like I'm getting emotionally involved then I guess I'll have to rethink.