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Grieving for my abusive ex at Christmas

(2 Posts)
deathatxmas Thu 24-Dec-15 16:53:47

Newly divorced from my EA, controlling & manipulative ex dh. I suffered. A long time. & Somehow eventually got myself free. I am very loved-up right now with a new bf. We're spending xmas together & I'm quite excited. So why is my ex in my head? He has the dcs for as long as they can manage to get along together this holiday. He wanted them partly for his own company & partly so I'd be alone & 'feel the pain he feels' (he told the dcs this). So why does my heart bleed for him now of all times after all I've been through? It just occurred to me that I didn't really give a second thought to getting him a present. I didn't bother as he was always rude about the gifts I gave. Now I imagine the dcs (teens) feeling pain for daddy on xmas day as he'll probably make some negative comment to them. I feel like I should dash round with a gift to show him I did/do care. He lost his beloved mum during the divorce & I know it'll really hurt him not having her around this xmas. I always really loved him I just couldn't live with his behaviour. I have someone new I'm so happy about. Someone kind, loving, thoughtful & respectful so why do I feel like this & what can I do about it?

LoveAGoodRummage Thu 24-Dec-15 17:28:42

I think there's something about 'occasion' which makes us nostalgic for what could have been. It doesn't mean you regret it or still love him.

Accept you are feeling what you feel and then remember how much happier you are now. I sometimes feel a bit sad for my ex, for what could've been and then I remember that he's on his own because he is an arse. You didn't stop caring about your ex, which is partly why you feel this way.

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