Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

OLD and lying about age

(29 Posts)
NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 18:32:32

Been chatting to someone for a bit, age on his profile is 45. Had a quick look on Linkedin and dates didn't add up so made a comment and he's admitted he really is 51 but 'he can get away with 45'hmm.

Now, the actual age doesn't bother me (51 still within my age range although at the upper limit) but it's the lying on something so basic that really bothers me. Makes me wonder what else he might be lying about if he's not telling the truth about something as basic as age. It also means that now he's looking for women 6 years younger than him max; very ageist behaviour and something that would have me normally ignoring his opening message.

Thoroughly fed up with OLD and very jaded, just curious as to whether am being unreasonable because of it or this would bother others as well.

rockabillyruby82 Wed 23-Dec-15 18:35:59

Maybe ask him why he lied. Maybe he's had bad luck with talking/dating women if they know his real age so has told a white lie to make himself more desirable?
OLD is tough for both sexes!

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 18:38:59

Yes I suspect that might be the reason but still being deceitful isn't it? He didn't even apologise for lying, just that if his real age was an issue he would understand.

Funny that he's trying not to put people off by lying about his age, yet that's exactly what he's managed to do with me....

daisychain01 Wed 23-Dec-15 18:40:21

Any attempt to manipulate the truth is a deal breaker to me.

It feels wrong to lie about something as important as 'the basics'. I'd put birth-date, having DC, sexuality as being basics (eg if you are bi, but don't mention it for several months).

It isn't that age matters in terms of how successful the relationship can be, but more the act of lying about it - that the person is prepared to conceal "the real them" shows they aren't bothered about an honest and trusting relationship.

His comment about "getting away with 45" is definitely a red flag to me - it sounds flippant and dismissive, like he couldn't care how he comes across.

FriendofBill Wed 23-Dec-15 18:43:20

Yup, what else will he try and 'get away' with.
Are you his school teacher?

I wouldn't pursue this.

MoominPie22 Wed 23-Dec-15 18:46:35

That's bonkers isn't it? Esp as 1st impressions are everything and you would be bound to find out further down the line anyway! You def aren't being unreasonable as I would definately be prioritizing something as fundamental and essential as ability to tell the truth and trustworthiness.

Personally I'd be leaving well alone and go for someone who can at least nail the basics.hmm Sounds like a prat and a non-starter to me. There'll be plenty of honest guys out there who at least have enough self confidence and respect to not lie. Major character flaw there...best of luck sorting the wheat from the chaff smile

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 18:50:50

Thank you all, glad to see I'm not being unreasonable!

Back to the drawing board in Janfwink

rockabillyruby82 Wed 23-Dec-15 18:52:40

It's really down to what's acceptable for you. If lying about his age has put you off than politely tell him and stop chatting.
It's not ok to lie at all but I get why some people do.

forumdonkey Wed 23-Dec-15 18:56:23

It's like the non smokers, who actually smoke. I no longer smoke and to be honest it doesn't bother me but lying about basics does. Why lie and be anybody but who you are? confused

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 20:34:53

So, I politely let him go and explained the reason why. He came back with a very racist comment 'in the spirit of honesty' confused.

Bullet well dodged and my general opinion of men doing OLD sunken even lower than it already was...

ImperialBlether Wed 23-Dec-15 20:37:19

Wow, you really have dodged a bullet there! Have a drink tonight to celebrate!

Eminado Wed 23-Dec-15 20:38:24

OMG?! Really? Talk about burning bridges.

Consider it a lucky escape!

Dinobab Wed 23-Dec-15 20:46:47

I'd say men refusing to even consider dating someone their own age is a pretty good indicator that they are a wanker.

Dinobab, if my reading is right, he doesn't want to date anybody too close to his real age, as he's lied downward. >hopefully-not-wrong-icon<

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 21:43:07

Spot on Preemtive (and Dino!) and I completely agree. They'll only consider someone much younger than them, yet expect women to be willing to date them being that much older (nothing wrong with an older man btw!). Entitled or delusional. ...can't make my mind up hmm

gateauxauxfruits Wed 23-Dec-15 22:01:39

A friend of mine is 50 in the "age" box but starts her profile "I'm actually 56", just so she shows up in searches with a 50 upper limit. I think that's entirely ok.

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 22:10:34

Well. .. that's not as bad as this guy who, after several days of solid messages didn't think of mentioning his real age but Idon't think is the right thing to do either, especially a difference of a whole six years. I have encountered men profiles like that and they just annoy me; they are making me waste my time having to go through a profile of someone I'm not interested in (and I say that as a 41 year old who's age range is 35-52)

NoMoreMrRight Wed 23-Dec-15 22:11:25

*whose

gateauxauxfruits Thu 24-Dec-15 08:31:56

I did say "starts her profile" so no need to "go through it, and more than one bloke has decided that he is prepared to make an exception in her case so not everyone's time wasted. Merry Xmas.

pocketsaviour Thu 24-Dec-15 08:34:49

He came back with a very racist comment 'in the spirit of honesty'

Was it "good black don't crack"? If so, you may have just avoided my ex fgrin

60sname Thu 24-Dec-15 08:42:52

I ended up marrying the one guy I dated who didn't lie about his height grin Do they really think we won't notice?

and no, exP, 5' 8" doesn't 'round' to 5'10"

FredaMayor Thu 24-Dec-15 08:57:54

Perhaps I'm the one being naive, but I thought lying about age was standard practice in OLD? Weight, height and sheer charismatic loveliness following closely behind?

Spickle Thu 24-Dec-15 09:15:01

Lying about age/weight/height etc does seem to be common practice in OLD. But, really, what is the point? All ok if you never meet but otherwise the truth will out and it could be a waste of everyone's time and effort. Frankly, if someone lied to me about such basic matters, I would wonder what else they were lying about.

NoMoreMrRight Thu 24-Dec-15 10:34:49

Haha! Definitely not your ex Pocket!. His was a truly nasty comment; my daughters are mixed race and he alluded to that with a derogatory comment angry. Twat.

IrishDad79 Thu 24-Dec-15 11:29:08

Of course, no woman has ever lied about their profile on OLD.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now