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he's just left me, pregnant with twins

(77 Posts)
possum18 Tue 22-Dec-15 11:24:36

Expecting twins in April. He used to do a bit of recreational drugs (mainly cocaine). Promised he would stop when we were trying to conceive. Also cut back alcohol (used to drink a lot) and stop smoking.
Since I got pregnant I've caught him with drugs a few times and been really upset, threatened to leave.. He always denies it and then admits the truth after he realises he's been caught red handed and can't deny it. Been really good for a few months but we've just moved house and only been here a week, already found half empty bags and other signs, as well as cigarettes. He went out Friday and got very drunk, came home and was very aggressive, pushed and grabbed me and left me with bruises up my arm. He doesn't remember the night at all. This morning I found drugs again, confronted him calmly and he lost it, said I don't trust him and must be 'planting' it on him so cause a fight. He's now left. I paid 6months upfront rent for this house and the last house is in notice period, which he said he has cancelled and is moving back into.
I don't know how I feel. I don't want to be around him when I know he's just lying to me and treating me like an idiot day in and day out - but the thought of having these babies without him terrifies me. I feel really alone and unwell.
It's Christmas in a few days and he's meant to be coming to all my family occasions with me, what am I going to say to people.
I don't know what I'm asking for but I just needed to write this down.

possum18 Tue 22-Dec-15 11:27:37

On Friday eve, whilst pissed he also wanted to drive. I stood in the door way to stop him, so he pissed on me. I was stood there pregnant and crying and he pissed on me. He remembers doing it and thinks is funny.
I feel dirty and humiliated by all this, he is treating me like an idiot, not a person.

twinkletoedelephant Tue 22-Dec-15 11:34:37

He doesn't sound the type of man who would be the loving supportive person you need around babies. If he can grab you and hurt you and not remember what could he do to two tiny newborns?
You tell you family that you and your children are better of without him, that you are worth more than he could give and would appreciate any support they are willing to offer. There are plenty of options for support for you and your twins ( I also have twins) and had a home start lady visit twice a week she was a rock to me. She came through the local children's sure start centre .

You still have plenty of time to organise and prepare for the arrivals and look into you financial situation. It seems he has already chosen his path by keeping the other house, you really need to start to plan you route.

Its possible you family will have a good reaction to this mans departure from your everyday life,but if they dont be prepared to be brave and strong for your children xx

Notrevealingmyidentity Tue 22-Dec-15 11:35:08

Oh my god. I don't really know what to say but I couldn't read and not reply.

That is so fucking unacceptable I don't know where to start.

To begin with he doesn't respect you at all - in fact it sounds like he doesn't even like you. He is a violent drug user and he has assaulted you while you are pregnant. Have you thought of contacting the police ?

What good thing a do you get from this relationship ? Because I can't think of anything that is worth this.

Go for Christmas and if anyone asks I would tell the truth very matter of factly.

Please don't stay with this man. It isn't going to get better.

GeraldineFangedVagine Tue 22-Dec-15 11:38:24

That's one of the saddest things I have read on here. What kind of man would do that. I think you should hope he doesn't come back, you will be better on your own rather than someone who would do those things to you. Poor op, I'm really sorry for you. Xx

petalsandstars Tue 22-Dec-15 11:38:29

He's been vile and has assaulted his pregnant partner. Report him to police and tell your family the truth.

You are better off without him

possum18 Tue 22-Dec-15 11:39:59

Thank you for your replies. I think it's just really daunting doing this on my own from here but you are right, is better than staying in this situation for all involved. I think I'm just in shock.
Thank you both for your replies, I had thought about talking to the police about Friday, even if it's just to have it on record incase of any further issues, but I thought it best not to whilst still living together incase he got very angry. Once he's out and I can change the locks and feel more secure I will.
Thank you

MaisieDotes Tue 22-Dec-15 11:42:30

You are better off without him.

Being pregnant and alone is daunting, let alone with twins.

But you can and will get through it. You can't have this man around your babies so let him go.

Make up something (he's sick etc) to get you through the Xmas period and you can tell your family and others when you're ready.

Notrevealingmyidentity Tue 22-Dec-15 11:44:07

I bet your family and friends don't like him much. THey just won't say. I imagine if you told them they would be very supportive.

eastwest Tue 22-Dec-15 11:46:16

I'm sorry. I think you are better off without him no matter how tough it is. Trust me, he won't make things easier - he will make them more difficult. If he can piss on you while you're pregnant he will piss on you when the kids are born and in front of them- do you want that being their memory of family life? Do you want them to grow up believing you deserve that? You don't, and you don't deserve the misery of living with this excuse for a man.

Danglyweed Tue 22-Dec-15 11:49:24

You and the babies will be so much better off without him. Having twins, you do get into an easy routine quickly, I promise its not that bad!

tattychicken Tue 22-Dec-15 11:50:05

I rarely post but that is absolutely shocking. What a compete cunt of a bloke. Get rid of him, tell your family the truth, and get some love and caring from them over Christmas. Being on your own with twins will be hard, but he will only make it harder.

Am still in stunned disbelief that he assaulted you and pissed on you. shock

JE1234 Tue 22-Dec-15 11:54:11

What an absolute bastard. He does not deserve you or the babies. Really think long and hard about reporting Friday to the police, particularly if he doesn't see how awful that was. It is good to have these things logged in case you need any protection from him in the future. Awful, just so awful, I'm sorry you're going through this flowers

mouldycheesefan Tue 22-Dec-15 11:55:22

Why oh why oh why do women choose idiots to reproduce with. You were actively tryingto conceive with this guy? The are so many stories like this currently, why do people have babies with idiots! Then wonder why it's all gone tits up?! Womankind please hear my plea!

Op you are better off without him, hope your family are supportive and can give you some TLC over Christmas

shinynewusername Tue 22-Dec-15 12:00:51

So sorry to hear what happened. Please consider reporting this to the police - it is assault.

And look after yourself.

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 12:01:19

flowers

omri Tue 22-Dec-15 12:01:26

Couldn't read and not reply.
Possum- you are so so so much better off without that horrible man. You will make a lovely peaceful happy home for you and your two babies. Without him. Do you have someone IRL that you can tell this to so that they can give you some support while you go through this?
You and your babies do not deserve this disgusting treatment. The fact he thought that was funny is the most upsetting thing of all imo.

Chin up- you can do this.

thanksthanksthanks

hmmmum Tue 22-Dec-15 12:04:15

Bless you OP, how horrendous for you sad
I agree with the others - he sounds cruel and heartless and he is NOT a safe person to have around you or your babies.
Make sure you join support groups when you have your babies and let family and friends know you could do with support...
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care, you are worth so much more than this.

Friendlystories Tue 22-Dec-15 12:04:49

Are your family supportive OP? You need some support in real life and someone who cares about you needs to know the extent this horrible man has gone to in hurting and humiliating you like that so they can help keep him away from you. You have nothing to be ashamed of, he's the one who should feel shame so please tell someone what's happened and get some proper support. How soon is he planning on going so you can get the locks changed? I really don't like the thought of you being alone there with him, is there a friend or relative who could come and be with you until he's gone? Keeping you safe is the most important thing for now, you have time to get everything else sorted out once you're away from him flowers

LeaLeander Tue 22-Dec-15 12:06:49

I agree with mouldycheese. It boggles the mind, truly. Why don't women want better for their offspring than these losers?

OP, you are on your own whether or not you realize it yet and should proceed accordingly. Imagine what that vile ass would do to screaming newborns? I shudder to think. He's a druggie loser who has no place in the life of young children. You need to get moving on building a better situation to bring them into and/or seriously consider adoption. Good luck.

BananaRaces Tue 22-Dec-15 12:07:19

I am angry and shock on your behalf. What a horrible bastard!!

To sum up:
- He lies to you repeatedly and treats you like an idiot.
- He is a drug addict who is in complete denial about his problem.
- He assaulted you.
- He thinks it's OK to drive while off his face.
- He pissed on you and he thinks it's FUNNY.
- You are frightened of him.

This is not an OK way to treat ANYONE, let alone a lady who is pregnant with your children.

Please please please leave this man RIGHT NOW. Tell your family that you have left him and get some support. This man is only going to make everything in your life harder and I'm afraid it will only get worse if you stay.

Youarentkiddingme Tue 22-Dec-15 12:07:54

flowers right now you are full of mixed emotions. You will grieve for the life you thought you'd have, feel silly for giving him so many chances, worry what people will say, worry about being lonely. But you know what? You've shown how incredibly strong you are by finishing it. Your babies are lucky to have a mum who puts their welfare first.

Practical terms I'd contact the local family centres etc - you'll find loads of support and three is often multiple birth groups etc.

Believe me - you CAN do this.

possum18 Tue 22-Dec-15 12:08:54

Talked to a very close friend who has offered to come over, but she has a 10 week old baby and I don't want her or the baby here whilst he is still here. My doctor put me on bedrest last week after very high blood pressure (from stress) and dizzy spells so I don't know if I should drive over to her (20 mins away)?
My family are very supportive but have never had to deal with anything like this, I'm the youngest in my family and they have always been very protective of me.
Thank you again for your replies, I'm reading them all through my tears and please know just knowing anyone out there is reading and caring is warming my heart. Honestly, thank you.

JennyOnAPlate Tue 22-Dec-15 12:09:07

This man needs to stay away from you and your babies my love.

Can you contact your midwife? Explain everything that has happened and she will be able to point you in the right direction.

thanks

Dipankrispaneven Tue 22-Dec-15 12:09:20

I'm so sorry, but you know that your own and your babies' lives would be so much worse if you stayed with this man than they will be now he's gone.

Don't worry about what you say to your family, I suspect they're well aware that he's an arsehole and will be delighted if he doesn't turn up. I hope they'll feel able to offer you support.

Above all, look after yourself, please try to spoil yourself over the next few weeks.

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