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My ex is abusive I've stopped access

(6 Posts)
chanel1983 Mon 21-Dec-15 23:57:16

Hi all this is my first post. My ex was a complete control freak. He threw wine over me in a bar, threw a suitcase at me when pregnant, I called the police but retracted my statement after mum not wanted social services involved. He tried strangling me when pregnant. Threatened to knock me out whilst I was carrying our 4 day old baby. Isolated me from my family and ripped me off financially knowing I was going to go on maternity leave. I finally kicked him out after the knock out threat. Told my health visitor everything. I was then allowing him access whenever he wanted he could stay the night too but he'd get abusive to the point where I'd cry so I limited his access to days only. Still he was abusive he hated my mum blamed her for the separation only because she told him what she thought of him.
I was giving his mum and dad access 1 day a week also all at my house and I'd leave. In the end due to his abuse I made contact Fri 7-10 and sat 10-2. He was making digs at me at every visit even though I'd see him all of 5 minutes. I was sick of his comments like where's your breast milk etc. I'd tell him to stay out of my life and my business. Still underhanded abuse from him. The final straw was I had my smear at my check up he gave me an std. We used to work for the same company and the arse went and told people from my work and painted me out to be the bad guy. When I heard this I flipped and kicked him out of my house told him to take me to court as I'm sick of his abuse. He's now on facebook giving it the fathers 4 justice nonsense saying I'm abusing my son through alienation. I've honestly tried to be amicable with this guy but he's such a taker. I'm sick of it. I know he's reverted back to taking recreational drugs as he's hanging around with the losers he used to and he drinks loads. He sent me a solicitors letter requesting access my solicitor has responded with no way due to him not putting my son's welfare first. He's not bought my son a thing the selfish b**** now he's paying his £81 a week and wants to control me. I told his mum about everything and she said oh well youre not a saint. His whole familyare slamming me on facebook saying I'm psycho and evil playing god. I'm sick of this scum don't know how I ended up dating such scum. A non molestation warning letter has been sent to him by my solicitor. He hasn't got a pot to pee in he's already minus 800 quid into his 2k overdraft. Even after stealing from me all those months. What's the liklihood of him getting unsupervised access? My baby 8 10 weeks old and I'd be gutted if he and his family are allowed to influence him.

AnAngelsSins Tue 22-Dec-15 15:50:06


I don't know the answer to your problem, but I do know that you've done the right thing in leaving this guy. I would say remove yourself as far as possible form him - no more visits in your house, your home is your sanctuary. Try not to engage in any more fights with him, it's a waste of your energy, just hand your child over at access and have no contact with him or his family the rest of the time. They will paint you as the bad guy no matter what, but you know what, who cares?

Hopefully someone will come along soon with legal advice.

Stay strong, you can get through this. x

QuiteLikely5 Tue 22-Dec-15 15:59:07

Please please keep all evidence from him, be it in text, email even record his calls to you.

What you describe is horrific and even I feel concerned that your son is going to be exposed to such people because it is highly unlikely that he will be refused access.

He may well start off with supervised, minimum access but honestly the judge will usually grant it.

Detach from this man and his whole family, avoid FB, block them all.

starry0ne Tue 22-Dec-15 16:00:50

I used to supervise access with my Ex..I also stopped access due to aggression..When he went to sols and asked for access he was offered supervised access...There was no court order at the time.. It works better as I am not withholding contact but making it safe...

You need to be very careful..what you write down.. make sure you do not respond to any attempts to wind you up.. only answer factually about any questions about DC... Keep your emotions to yourself or post on here

pocketsaviour Tue 22-Dec-15 19:14:34

Consult your solicitor and do what they suggest. Don't let this waste of skin control you any more.

Remove him and all his family from your FB - don't just unfriend them, actually block their profiles so that they cannot contact you and you won't have to see their witless fuckery. People like this cannot be expected to behave like decent human beings - the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

My instinct says he will not bother with contact if it's arranged via a contact centre. He has probably only bothered so far in order to have an opportunity to control and abuse you. Keep your DS away from him as much as you can; your son will not suffer for the lack of an abusive, violent bully in his life.

MaybeDoctor Tue 22-Dec-15 19:36:20

Come off Facebook
Set up a Contact schedule
Contact centre all the way.

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