Just wondering really. I know a great guy who isnt my usual type at all. He is a genuinely nice guy who I know would treat me well but Im not sure I fancy him. Is it worth dating to see if I change my mind or just be friends from the start?
Ive been single for 4 years now and have had a few short relationships with my usual type. They dont seem to work for me now that I have children IYSWIM.
Hmmm. I am over 40 now and married to someone who was my type as a teenager before I had any actual relationships. Previous relationships were with another type entirely, and went badly. I have somehow reverted to my first type which seems to be working out pretty well at the moment! Not sure this helps you at all with your question. If you like him and he treats you well, then absolutely date him. The fancying can come when you've built up a bit of relationship and got to know and love each other anyway.
I spent a lifetime yearning after men who were tricky, clever, funny... and quite mean, with hindsight. I tried to create a version of me that would please them. Finally found a man who is clever, laid back, gentle and kind. It's a Revelation!
I can totally relate. The guy I'm with now, the guy who I absolutely adore and think I will spend my life with, I wouldn't have looked at 10 years ago. He's mature, not my type in terms of looks and yet we have amazing chemistry and he's not a dick! I think this is probably normal.
Men do seem to be a bit more shallow in terms of looks, and I do think you need to be attracted to someone, but that attraction doesn't have to be all based on looks. If he makes you laugh, treats you well, is good with the kids and if you actually fancy him a bit, then why not give it a try?
Very interesting post. Perhaps men are more shallow overall but most people I know or most men I know don't have a type at all. All life experiences change you and can influence your tastes. I didn't used to like broccoli now it is a mainstay of my diet. Similarly heavy metal music. I have also had a thing for people with a "non Hollywood" aspect to their appearance eg somewhat overweight, some acne or just something they are insecure about. Perhaps because I too am flawed I could never be attracted to someone too "media perfect"..
I was best friends with my DH for years before we got together. I was attracted to his personality but not physically. He made a move...fireworks, still fireworks 22 years later. I'm glad he took a chance.
I discovered men who I previously thought of as "deep" and thoughtful were often just self obsessed, miserable and sulky and that if a man didn't make my life more enjoyable I was better off alone. Mean and mooody men should be left behind in your mid 20s.
I'm with one of the nice guys and it's been a brilliant relationship! No worrying, no angst, I can be my real self.. I wasn't attracted at all at first but he grew on me and soon I found him gorgeous. Yes it's not as exciting as past relationships but they were 'exciting' because everything was unknown. So glad I gave it a chance!
Current DP I thought was mildly attractive in a rather detached uninterested way until a night involving a few drinks and a kiss set off a pretty amazing chemical reaction that is very much still present. DP is also a 'nice' bloke.
It's worth asking yourself what it is that's turning you on about the non nice blokes. Apparently the part of the brain that feels excitement is extremely close to the part that feels fear, and the two are often confused. Throw in a background where fear was present in relationships growing up or maturing (e.g. first serious relationship), and you can find yourself in a pattern where you are constantly attracted to 'dangerous' men and not entirely sure why. It's all a bit pop psychology and there are numerous exceptions of course, but for anyone who has this pattern it's certainly worth examining IMO.
All that said, if you try and you don't feel it; don't persist. Life is too short to feel what isn't there and you can end up making each other miserable.