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Buying me new things controlling or not

(77 Posts)
Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 12:01:40

Ok so he's bought me a new phone for Christmas which i wanted that cost a couple of hundred pounds and then yesterday evening i was meant to be going out for a family get together, so I phoned and asked him would it be ok to go out with family members and guess what the answer was NO your taking the piss yet i am 27 years old and have to ask his permission to go out only to be told NO i really have had enough and will be chatting to womans aid to get a safety plan put in place and also a foster place for my dog until i can get myself sorted and away from this horrible person.

Genx77 Mon 21-Dec-15 12:02:50

Why did you even phone him and ask him if it would be ok?

TeaFathers Mon 21-Dec-15 12:04:07

yeah that's very controlling.
i'd hand back the phone and ditch him.

Genx77 Mon 21-Dec-15 12:04:34

And why do you have to call womens aid? Just return the phone, tell him it's not working for you and leave. Unless there is a huge back story here I'm not aware of?

Seeyounearertime Mon 21-Dec-15 12:05:27

I wouldnt trust that phone, there my be tracking apps or even apps hidden that forward txts to him that you receive etc.

pocketsaviour Mon 21-Dec-15 12:21:43

Genx yes there is a huge back story here, OP is trying to leave and already has been in contact with WA.

OP - you obviously know he's controlling already and the phone may be an element of that but it's just another nail in the coffin really.

Is the phone unlocked to any network or has he got it on a contract?

pocketsaviour Mon 21-Dec-15 12:22:39

Christ, Seeyou is right, never even occurred to me. OP do not use that phone for calling or texting anyone he wouldn't "approve" of, nor for accessing Mumsnet or any other support.

sooperdooper Mon 21-Dec-15 12:24:52

Do you still have your old phone? If so keep that and leave the new phone with him, it's only a phone and he sounds awful - you don't need to ask permission to go out

Could you stay with one of the family members you were due to meet? Are there children involved?

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:12:14

Hi Genx77 because i am afraid of him

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:12:52

Hi TeaFathers its not that simple

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:14:46

Hi Seeyounearertime i hope there isn't hidden apps phone was bought brand new off someone he knew.

timelytess Mon 21-Dec-15 13:14:52

Then say how it is, let people give you their opinions, and take action. You're 27. Want to be afraid of him still in thirty years time? No? You know what to do.

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:15:46

Hi Pocketsaviour it's unlocked to any network.

AdoraBell Mon 21-Dec-15 13:17:55

OP do not use the new phone to speak Women's Aid. If you don't still have the old phone use a friends/relative/work/public phone.

Hope you get out safely soon.

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:19:05

Hi sooperdooper yes i am getting the old phone back today so will put an old sim card in there to access mumsnet etc

Lweji Mon 21-Dec-15 13:19:12

Well done for deciding to leave.
I second others that you should leave the phone at home. If he is that controlling, I'd bet it has tracking software and spyware.
Please don't just ask for a safety plan, but for a leaving plan.

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:20:12

Hi timelytess of course i don't want to be afraid of him in 30 years time

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:21:07

Hi AdoraBell the phone was bought brand new from his friend as a Christmas present

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:21:58

Hi Lweji it was bought brand new as a Christmas present

Lweji Mon 21-Dec-15 13:23:23

I understand it was brand new, but unless there was an unbroken seal, I don't think I'd trust it.
Is it password protected? Does he know it?

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:25:06

I have a password on the phone only i know and only it can only be unlocked by a fingerprint sensor so no one else can get into the phone only myself

bendybrickpumpkinpatch Mon 21-Dec-15 13:26:52

Havent you posted about this man before OP ??

Clarkey2345 Mon 21-Dec-15 13:28:45

Hi bendy brick yes i have posted about him before.

HeadDreamer Mon 21-Dec-15 13:29:34

Do you really have to ask us? Of course he's controlling. Nothing to do with a phone at all. Why do you even need to ask his permission to go out?

I'm going out tonight with colleagues. We have a 1 and 4 yo. I told DH I'm going out but he's not going to refuse because I know he's not going out tonight! We need someone to look after the children.

I gather you don't, so why do you even need to ask him?

pocketsaviour Mon 21-Dec-15 13:32:11

OP was the phone in the box when he gave it to you, with a seal across the battery?

If not, he could have installed tracking software before giving it to you. Please be safe. Using your old phone sounds like a good idea for now.

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