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Dad's seen a psychic who tells him he's met his 'twin flame' he has split with partner of 15 years.

(13 Posts)
bumbleclat Mon 21-Dec-15 00:20:51

I am so ver gutted that
A) my lovely dad has hurt his absolutely lovely partner in this way
B) that he has come under the influence of Twin Flames BS
C) that he's fallen for another woman and is spiritualising it so it sounds virtuous
It would be so much easier if he he just felt unhappy with his partner and decided to end it but this Twin Flames idea is really scary he's 58 FFS
Met a woman felt a thunder bolt became friends and then proceeded to think about her for a year.
He didn't sleep with her ever but this is just madness he's a step father to my step siblings, he's a good family man now he's burnt all his bridges for a woman who he hasn't even so much as kissed it's so weird I love his now ex partner so very much and am gutted . Fucking irresponsible clairvoyant preying on vulnerable men. sad
Anyone else heard of twin flames?

TendonQueen Mon 21-Dec-15 00:32:41

Sounds to me like a crappy excuse for doing the selfish thing he wants to do anyway. I wouldn't blame the clairvoyant, I'd blame the man who's made the stupid decision. Why is he 'vulnerable'?

TendonQueen Mon 21-Dec-15 00:34:26

And no. Haven't heard of the twin flames thing. But if someone told me I had one and it wasn't my DH, I'd laugh at them because I know my own feelings, not some stranger. Have you talked to your dad about this?

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 21-Dec-15 00:38:06

There's nothing you can do but carry on being a family while he has an episode. Silly nonsense. And horribly sad. The charlatan that's encouraged him should be ashamed.

bumbleclat Mon 21-Dec-15 05:01:43

I know, I asked my dad why he wasn't more sceptical and yes I think you're right he is holding onto a perfect excuse but I just feel so perplexed as to why he would willingly break up something so wonderful that he'd built up with his long term partner??
I have woken up in pain about it it's an absolute bolt out if the blue.
His now ex is only 6 years younger than him and has been really into the idea of travelling to far flung places and wanting my dad to go with her but he isn't interested in travelling that much which is fair enough but if they'd simply just decided they wanted a different type of life then I could digest that but this is just the worst way for a long term rl to end.
My dad has had 3 very serious heart attacks in his life time and I just worry that he is being impulsive and existentialist because on sine level he feels he has no time left.
He said to me I felt I was lying to her because this woman was the last thing on his mind as he went to sleep every night and how was he supposed to look his partner in the eye and tell her that. His now ex said " you nurtured it" my dad said he didn't and spent periods of months not even bumping into it texting this woman so he doesn't feel he nurtured it at all.
He must have been a bit naughty and spoken to this woman about his feelings towards her because he told me that she refused to be a home wrecker so had no pursued anything.
My dads coming to mine and my DH house for a big family Christmas and just feels we can get on as normal without his now ex dp but I don't know it feels a big ugly shadow has been cast over what was supposed to be a lovely family time.
Sorry Long sad

Toffeelatteplease Mon 21-Dec-15 05:15:30

People tend to only visit a clairvoyant when they are unhappy with some aspect of their life already. Or looking for validation of their own decisions.

Tbh it sounds more than a bit like they were drifting apart already then he had a mid life crisis.

Must be hard. Can you reach out the the ex p if you will miss her?

bumbleclat Mon 21-Dec-15 05:28:23

Thanks yes I think this is true he and her we're drifting a bit she's always drank to an extent which isn't really very in line with how my dad or anyone else in my family does so I always felt that.
From a selfish point of view I'm gutted because growing up my mum wasn't able to look after my sister or U because she has serious mental health problems. My dad brought my sister and I up with the help of my ex step mother and that ended by her cheating on him so this most recent partner was symbolic of great joy, togetherness and stability in our lives.
I just think my dads made loads of school boy errors here that I feel U would be on guard about.
On the one hand my dad and my sister are the sabe people in my life but my dads being insane it feels.
I text his partner (ex) and said I'm sorry that she's going through this and asked that we could be friends I just am starting to question love now. I said to his now ex DP that I love so much but maybe she feels that I should have shown up more for family events and shown love through spending time with he her but Jve been busy 200 miles away getting my degree and setting up my own life with DH.
It's weird to feel the scales fall from your eyes so dramatically my dads always been a very honourable and steadfast man in my eyes and now I just feel he's being cowardly and foolish.

Cantwaittillboxingday Mon 21-Dec-15 06:01:30

I think you will have to accept that his relationship is over. In a way it doesn't matter why or how. It could well have happened anyway without this stupid stuff (never heard of it btw.)

fishfingersinmysandwiches Mon 21-Dec-15 09:58:43

I've not heard of twin flames but I do think you might need to take a step back?

I'm hearing that your fathers relationship was a symbol of comfort and stability for you and therefore you're finding this hard - I get it - but your father is an adult who is entitled to make his own choices. You're an adult yourself now too with your own husband.

Maybe he does feel that he has limited time left and so must grab what he feels is a chance at true happiness. That's up to him. I understand this may appear an immature and slightly unhinged decision but that is what he has decided he wants to do. So leave him to get on with it. If it turns out to be a terrible mistake, then it turns out to be a terrible mistake. That'll be his to own and sort out.

Really hard to let go, I know. But we cannot control other people. He's still the father you love and there's no reason you cannot continue to have a positive relationship with his ex partner.

bumbleclat Tue 22-Dec-15 21:47:03

Thank you now Ive had some time away from it and have cried and spoken with his now ex I am feeling better.
He has said that he was sick of her drinking and that was underneath his decision to end things. He is moving 300 miles away from this so called twin flame woman and not interested in jumping out of the pan into the fire so that's all very sensible.
I totally understand his need to get away from someone who (and she really does) drinks way too much and undergoes a personality change for the worse when she does so.

She, like most addicts has been enabled by him for years but since he decided to stop joining in with her the cracks in their El have become more obvious and the attention of a woman who is not all fogged by booze must have felt exhilarating.

Now he's not talking about it in spiritual terms I am finding it all easier to digest he's just making a sensible decision to stop catching fall of an addict and start living.

He is sat in my living room now and looking more alive than he has for year, he is eating healthily, walking loads and not drinking and he's gutted that he has hurt his exdp but knows that it is for the best.

Thank god for this because Si find this framing of the situation to be mich easier to understand I feel I can help him and but feel angry with him.

I do love his exdp with ALL my heart though and will continue to be her close friend.

Cabrinha Wed 23-Dec-15 00:44:15

I was going to say that actually it doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong at all and you can't expect him to stay in a relationship that YOU are (understandably) over invested in.

But your last post really confirms that you see that!

You really need to try to let go of your anger towards him, that you still say you have, though. That's really unfair on him.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 23-Dec-15 03:48:44

It very much sounds as if your dad's now ex partner is not "absolutely lovely" and, while your intention of continuing "to be her close friend" is commendable, I would caution you against becoming over involved with a woman who has clearly more than one side to her personality.

It also appears that your dad has not fallen victim to a clairvoyant who preys on "vulnerable men", nor has he taken anything other than a pragmatic view of his attraction towards another woman.

Fwiw, there is a school of thought that has it that at some point in the soul's journey it is split into two giving each of us a twin and that we are individually part of a group of souls who work together to further our own and each other's attainment through the spiritual and earthly planes of development/learning.

This means that we each have a 'twin flame' and a number of 'soulmates' to whom we are more attuned than with others outside of our group. However, this doesn't mean that we are destined to meet our twin or any of our soulmates during this or any other lifetime as, while some may choose to incarnate at the same time or in the same earthly family/social circle in order to further their progress, others will choose to incarnate at other times and in circumstances where it's highly unlikely their paths will cross with their twins or other group members.

It's a belief system that is as valid as many others, and its one which has become increasingly popular with those who do not find anything to be gained from man made religions but, neverthless, are not devoid of any sense of spirituality about 'being' who and what we are.

Overall, it would seem there's some lessons for you to learn about not rushing to judgement and to trust that depth and breadth of your dad's cumulative experiences will continue to enable him to exercise sound judgement about how he wishes to conduct his life.

bumbleclat Wed 23-Dec-15 16:38:27

Thank you goddess that's a well thought out and critical post.
I do agree I was just in shock. I'm okay now.
Ps she is lovely it's just that her addiction can make her a pain in the arse.

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