Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can someone give me a slap?

(16 Posts)
lizzy471 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:05:32

I'm honestly not one of those women who goes for men who don't treat you right but I am stuck mentally in this situation.

He doesn't want a relationship, he's battling demons. We get on great, total chemistry and he wants to be with me (and not anyone else) but he's not fully available to commit. He wants me, but only on his terms and only partially. We take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. He doesn't want to either be with me or not be with me.

I don't chase him, he chases me. He is torn between wanting to continue seeing me and not wanting to properly be in a full relationship. He is close and then he is distant. He's a bit tortured. A good person overall, but yes, he is being selfish because he knows I want diferrent.

I am not hard up for offers. There's a couple of perfectly nice men asking me out right now.

Is he better looking than them? No
Better job? No
More charming? No
Nicer? No
More interesting? No

I have no idea what it is, but he just feels like home. I hate it, and want it to go away!

These situation never miraculously turn out do they?

B33rTricksPott3r Sun 20-Dec-15 21:08:03

Demons, shmemons. He's pissing you about. You can do better.

HandyWiseWoman Sun 20-Dec-15 21:47:22

Watching with interest. As I'm somewhat, ahem, preoccupied with a guy I met on Friday. First time I have clicked with and belly-laughed and fancied a man since forever. He tells me he he has been separated 3 years but lives with the ex and the dc and they are spending Xmas together. You know, as a family. My head screams 'not on your life' but the rest of me says 'mmmm yes pleeeease'.

Tell you what, OP. You slap me and I'll slap you.


VoldysGoneMouldy Sun 20-Dec-15 21:49:31

I'll give you a kick up the bum wink

He's screwing you around. You can do better.

Oblique27 Sun 20-Dec-15 21:51:19


JemimaMuddleDuck Sun 20-Dec-15 21:57:30

Decide exactly what you want in your perfect world and head towards that. It probably doesn't include him because it probably involves commitment.

I was where you are with XP and it was the road to nowhere. Until I finally came to my senses and decided what I wanted. It made me realise we had no future together as our situation was just too frustrating for me.

When you are clear on what you want he will either buck up or ship out. Please don't waste time on him.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Sun 20-Dec-15 22:05:45

"he feels like home", SLAP SLAP SLAP!

Don't know about you, but my home is peaceful, a place I run to, my sanctuary, my happy stress free, drama free place, where I'm secure, loved and cared for.

lizzy471 Sun 20-Dec-15 23:18:13

Thanks all

It's been 5 months of this and 5 breakups (all me!). He then wants me back. ..then back to the same.

I don't know why I like him so much. Drives me mad.

I've got two lovely guys asking me out and want to just tell him to fuck off this time.

He runs away every time we get too close. It's unlivable and I keep on going back for more!!!

Threefishys Mon 21-Dec-15 00:43:22

He runs away, you finish it - sounds like you both just like the drama, been there - let me tell you it's no comparison to a proper happy balanced drama free relationship. But it takes a massive effort to leave all that behind if that's what stimulation you're used to ie the breaking up/making up cycle. I daresay the next time you finished it if you didn't respond to him pursuing you he'd soon fade away because if he really wanted a relationship with you he wouldn't stand for you finishing it 5 times in the first place.

paulapompom Mon 21-Dec-15 00:51:10

I feel like he might need a slap more than you op! If I were you I would at least accept the offer of other dates. You don't have to mess anyone about, but you are idealising this relationship, and it's hurting you. Be open to alternatives. I know it's hard, but you are in a horrible cycle now, please try and break it, good luck op x

LineyReborn Mon 21-Dec-15 00:54:25

He 'feels like home' because somehow, you learned some shit things growing up about what you think you wanted ie you acquired a desire to 'work' on being loved and to 'work' on getting that love.

Fuck that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 21-Dec-15 00:58:58

It's like a drug. I've been in a similar relationship, except luckily for me the bastard went off with someone else, still took him a while to completely cut me loose (or even fucking tell me!).

So you need to treat him as a drug - one that will do you harm, not good - and go cold turkey. Block his number, block him on FB, refuse to have any contact with him, do not see him at any stage if you can avoid it.

No good will come of this. His bollox about wanting to be with you and only you is a line to keep you hooked - don't be that fish. It's too easy to be flattered into thinking he really means it - he almost certainly doesn't.

Drug rehab - that's what you need. Go out with the other blokes if you want, don't if you don't want to - up to you - but stop giving this one headspace.

LionHeartedWoman Mon 21-Dec-15 06:08:40

This thread is solid with good advice.

Decide exactly what you want in your perfect world and head towards that. It probably doesn't include him because it probably involves commitment. <---This kind of summarises what you need to do.

(No slap from me, but I will tell Santa to put you on his naughty list if you don't take the advice given. You don't want a piece of coal in your stocking do you? wink)

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 21-Dec-15 06:11:42

Coke turkey time. Delete and block - the mania will pass and you will get over him. But only if you cut him out.

tanyadm Mon 21-Dec-15 06:24:51

I've had a bit of a wake up call like this over the weekend. You shouldn't compromise on what you want, you shouldn't have to persuade someone to think you're amazing and treat you as such, and there will be someone SO much more suited to you out there.

TooSassy Mon 21-Dec-15 06:31:21

This sounds awful and how is someone who gives you zero security making you feel like you've come home. Bin him OP.

No guy has commitment issues when he meets the woman he wants to be with. End of. I've witnessed first hand men who have been 'commitment phobes' with a particular woman only to commit absolutely fine with another one. When quizzed / pressed on why they were commitment shy they will openly admit that they knew the woman they were with wasn't the one. Reasons were from everything to 'she's not someone my family would approve of' to 'she's just not pretty enough' to 'she's not settling down material'. Endless supply of bullshit reasons.

When asked why did they come back for more and just not end it? The sex was too good to end it. Honestly.

He will keep coming back OP. But he will never settle with you. 5 break ups in 5 months = high drama and is not sustainable. Why are you doing this to yourself?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: