I'm honestly not one of those women who goes for men who don't treat you right but I am stuck mentally in this situation.
He doesn't want a relationship, he's battling demons. We get on great, total chemistry and he wants to be with me (and not anyone else) but he's not fully available to commit. He wants me, but only on his terms and only partially. We take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. He doesn't want to either be with me or not be with me.
I don't chase him, he chases me. He is torn between wanting to continue seeing me and not wanting to properly be in a full relationship. He is close and then he is distant. He's a bit tortured. A good person overall, but yes, he is being selfish because he knows I want diferrent.
I am not hard up for offers. There's a couple of perfectly nice men asking me out right now.
Is he better looking than them? No Better job? No More charming? No Nicer? No More interesting? No
I have no idea what it is, but he just feels like home. I hate it, and want it to go away!
These situation never miraculously turn out do they?
Watching with interest. As I'm somewhat, ahem, preoccupied with a guy I met on Friday. First time I have clicked with and belly-laughed and fancied a man since forever. He tells me he he has been separated 3 years but lives with the ex and the dc and they are spending Xmas together. You know, as a family. My head screams 'not on your life' but the rest of me says 'mmmm yes pleeeease'.
Decide exactly what you want in your perfect world and head towards that. It probably doesn't include him because it probably involves commitment.
I was where you are with XP and it was the road to nowhere. Until I finally came to my senses and decided what I wanted. It made me realise we had no future together as our situation was just too frustrating for me.
When you are clear on what you want he will either buck up or ship out. Please don't waste time on him.
He runs away, you finish it - sounds like you both just like the drama, been there - let me tell you it's no comparison to a proper happy balanced drama free relationship. But it takes a massive effort to leave all that behind if that's what stimulation you're used to ie the breaking up/making up cycle. I daresay the next time you finished it if you didn't respond to him pursuing you he'd soon fade away because if he really wanted a relationship with you he wouldn't stand for you finishing it 5 times in the first place.
I feel like he might need a slap more than you op! If I were you I would at least accept the offer of other dates. You don't have to mess anyone about, but you are idealising this relationship, and it's hurting you. Be open to alternatives. I know it's hard, but you are in a horrible cycle now, please try and break it, good luck op x
It's like a drug. I've been in a similar relationship, except luckily for me the bastard went off with someone else, still took him a while to completely cut me loose (or even fucking tell me!).
So you need to treat him as a drug - one that will do you harm, not good - and go cold turkey. Block his number, block him on FB, refuse to have any contact with him, do not see him at any stage if you can avoid it.
No good will come of this. His bollox about wanting to be with you and only you is a line to keep you hooked - don't be that fish. It's too easy to be flattered into thinking he really means it - he almost certainly doesn't.
Drug rehab - that's what you need. Go out with the other blokes if you want, don't if you don't want to - up to you - but stop giving this one headspace.
I've had a bit of a wake up call like this over the weekend. You shouldn't compromise on what you want, you shouldn't have to persuade someone to think you're amazing and treat you as such, and there will be someone SO much more suited to you out there.
This sounds awful and how is someone who gives you zero security making you feel like you've come home. Bin him OP.
No guy has commitment issues when he meets the woman he wants to be with. End of. I've witnessed first hand men who have been 'commitment phobes' with a particular woman only to commit absolutely fine with another one. When quizzed / pressed on why they were commitment shy they will openly admit that they knew the woman they were with wasn't the one. Reasons were from everything to 'she's not someone my family would approve of' to 'she's just not pretty enough' to 'she's not settling down material'. Endless supply of bullshit reasons.
When asked why did they come back for more and just not end it? The sex was too good to end it. Honestly.
He will keep coming back OP. But he will never settle with you. 5 break ups in 5 months = high drama and is not sustainable. Why are you doing this to yourself?