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What does this mean?

(9 Posts)
Haddocksbathingcostume Sun 20-Dec-15 18:14:35

I have name changed and the reason I'm posting at all is because I can't tell anyone in real life about this. But my head is spinning and I can't get my head around something that happened on Friday night.

So...trying to give as much information as I can without outing myself...

I went out with work on Friday night. It was jointly the staff Christmas meal and my leaving do.

I am leaving my place of work after 8 years because my boss has turned into a bit of a megalomaniac and it became an unpleasant place to work.

My boss and I used to get on quite well. When I joined the company, he was on the same level as me and was appointed to be my mentor. He was supportive and helpful and I learned a lot from him.

Over the years, he has been promoted above me so that now he is the big boss.

We have had some professional differences in the past few years and I feel he has treated me shoddily at times and been a downright bully at others. I had time off with stress and he was enitirely unsupportive. A big part of my drive to leave was because of the way he has treated me (and others) and how he isn't the man he used to be.

After I resigned we had a bit of a frank exchange of views and he ignored me for weeks afterwards. It was childish. He has form for taking people's resignations personally, and he certainly did this time.


I had a lovely night with my colleagues - many of whom I am going to miss badly. I have had bad times, but on the whole I have been happy there.

When I was leaving at the end, things were a little emotional.

The boss doesn't do emotional. He doesn't do 'touchy feely' he is very reserved and sometimes stand-of fish.

As I was about to leave he asked for a hug, which was weird, but I said of course and gave him one.

He held me very tightly for a little too long and then let out a sigh and whispered in my ear 'I love you. I have to tell you that.'

I totally 'wtf' and just said 'oh bloody hell.' Which, on reflection wasn't the best response to give.

What did that mean though?! I know none of you can tell me, because I know the man and you don't, but what?! And why?! And even if he meant that platonically as if to tell me he valued me as a colleague and would miss me - why say that?!

I don't know what I'm asking for really. I think I just need to get it out. Because it has totally messed with my sense of history and I'm overthinking everything. There have been times when I have felt that he thinks I'm crap at my job and an utter waste of space - that is how he has made me feel for years. So was that a clumsy attempt at an apology or was there something else going on?

Aaaargh. Head is a mess.

Cantwaittillboxingday Sun 20-Dec-15 18:18:05

It could have been an 'I love you' cos you're leaving and I'm drunk and it's Christmas.

People get sentimental on these occasions.

CatMilkMan Sun 20-Dec-15 18:22:41

Maybe he realised he has been stand of fish and it's an apology.
Honestly I would try to forget it since it was at a party and presumably he had been drinking.

Enjolrass Sun 20-Dec-15 18:22:53

Does it matter? Do you have feelings for him?

A friend of mine text 'god I am missing you so much!'

I replied 'did you mean that to sound like a come on!'

He laughed. I have no interest in him romantically, so wether he meant it as friends or something more isn't taking up any head space for me.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 20-Dec-15 18:25:37

He sounds like a Prize Knob. When you are gone, he won't be able to mess with your head, and you will be outside his control-zone.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 20-Dec-15 18:26:10

He was drunk and felt emotional, his way of saying sorry but couldn't do it properly because he is stubborn

BadLad Sun 20-Dec-15 18:26:45

Sounds like he's trying for a quick shag before you leave.

I'd just forget it.

Haddocksbathingcostume Sun 20-Dec-15 18:32:50

No. I'm not interested in him at all. I'm in a happy relationship. It's not about that. I don't want him to have feelings for me - and I don't honestly think he does.

It has thrown me because I have all sorts of issues with self-worth and his low opinion of me has been nicely feeding my self-critical side for a number of years. He is the only person who has reviewed my performance in that time and it has always been difficult. He is very critical and negative.

So I'm not thinking he meant he loves me. I'm not thinking he wanted anything from me, I am just confused about it.

And I'm worried that I've put too much emphasis on one person's opinion of me - when it would seem I was wrong about it anyway.

I have a lot to learn.

HandyWiseWoman Sun 20-Dec-15 20:44:13

I think this man's opinion has always been a big deal for you. Maybe he's been a formative influence in your role?

Impossible to say what his intentions were. Either he is a sleaze after a shag or is some kinda harsh, repressed weirdo who is clumsy at expressing emotional stuff. Or it's a cheap shot to mess with your head
because he knows he has an emotional hold over you. Whatever. Yawn. Meh.

If you are questioning it but can't tell anyone, is there some sort of limerence going on? Did you idiolize him a bit? All the more reason to cut ties and move on.

Onwards and upwards. Good luck in your new job.

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