Before I go on I don't really know why I'm posting, other than desperation really.
I've got 3 DCs, the eldest is just 5 and the youngest is 11wks. It's really hard, obviously, I knew it would be. Don't have parents or family to help out, although oldest is at school and middle goes to CM a couple of times a week
But I'm so bastard bastard tired. I've had 10hrs sleep in the last 48, as a result of a combination of baby not settling in the evening, wrapping Christmas presents, cooking (to feed and advance prep for Christmas). We've had family guests last night and this eve, then I have my sole Christmas event on Monday (for which I have to get ready with the DCs creating their usual havoc, drop the oldest two with sitters, take youngest (and probably BF all eve) and then leave early to collect, all the while having not had a drink because a) in BFing and b) I'll be driving), then I have to do a late night supermarket shop because I failed to book a delivery slot early enough. The children won't give a shit about Christmas really and DH is usually grumpy for some reason I haven't yet got to the bottom of (but it happens every single bastard year). I love Christmas but know there isn't anyone who really gives enough of a shit/takes any responsibility to do anything to make it enjoyable for me. If I want to 'do' a tradition I have to sort and then try to grit my teeth and bloody force myself to enjoy amidst the endless complaints bickering and whining.
I had hoped that the youngest two would be asleep while DH toon eldest to a friends for an hour or so, so I could get some rest. But guess what? The baby woke as he was leaving, I know she won't sleep if I put her down now, and sure enough she feeds, goes to sleep on the boob, but wakes the second I move her. So I can sleep.
Had a grumpy face a big sigh and a minor strop as DH was leaving and his response? 'This is the way our life is. You just have to get to used it'. It ENRAGES me to the point where I just wanted to scream and storm out. I feel so disempowered and utterly lacking in control. I talked to him on Friday about going back to work at the end of Jan for 8hrs a wk, just to give myself some space. But he thinks baby is too young for the CM and doesn't want to give her formula. For the same reason he's just about to veto my night out with the girls in Jan. He thinks I should express milk for her...but I just don't get on with it can't bear the final physical indignity of being an actual dairy cow. He points out that others do it and just can't or won't comprehend that I just don't want to do it.
Fuck fuck I could go on and on and on and on. There so much inequity between us at the moment. He can't understand why I'm so frustrated and angry and I think he just criticises me all the time. I don't think he cuts me enough slack given what I'm doing at the moment...in fact I don't think he's grateful or respectful of it.
Maybe I wonder why, given this whole thing ^^ is such a bloody cliche, men and women keep having this experience. What can I practically do to make it better? I love him and want it to be ok. But right now I could cheerfully actually murder him.
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Relationships
Young children and husbands.
BusyCee · 20/12/2015 13:52
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