Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Moving in together - Panic time!

(6 Posts)
MB1981 Sat 19-Dec-15 14:41:36

I've been with my partner for just over a year, we are both in our 30's. He has 2 children from a previous relationship, who he sees about 4 times a week. We've been friends for 3 years, so have known each other a while. We have a very comfortable relationship with a great sex life, trust, honesty and the same life goals. Recently he's been talking about us moving in together next year. For some reason, I am completely freaking out!

I keep thinking about my last serious relationship. We moved in together after a year and almost straight away our sex life fizzled out, we grew apart and starting arguing all the time. I think I'm just scared that this relationship may head the same way - the honeymoon period ending and reality setting in.
Due to our busy work patterns, his children, my studying - we only see each other once a week (we do speak every day though). So once a week to living together is a big jump.

My mum is a huge worrier and suffers from anxiety. I always thought I wasn't like her but maybe I am. I feel silly to think like this, because I'll never have a future with anybody if I can't bring myself to live with them. Is it normal to feel this? I should be excited about this next step; not worried and anxious. He's the man I want to be with so why am I feeling like this?

R3alxmastr33 Sat 19-Dec-15 15:32:04

Once a week to living together is a big jump

If it doesnt feel right, then you are not ready to live together

What is the rush ?

Also he has children

Does he want more children with you ?

Suggest trying a few more days together first

pocketsaviour Sat 19-Dec-15 15:35:16

Maybe you're anxious because you feel it's too soon? No shame in saying to him "I'm not ready for that quite yet - but let's keep it in mind for the future."

If you do think you're ready but you're just worried, maybe you can set up some periods of time where one of you can move in with the other for say a week at a time?

Lweji Sat 19-Dec-15 15:38:43

Maybe move slower, in him or you having stuff at eachother's and seeing each other more often? Start staying when the children are there too?
But you can't predict how living together will be like.

HandyWiseWoman Sat 19-Dec-15 17:09:54

I wouldn't be so quick to assume you have anxiety problem. This is a big step and your innerds are telling you something. A year isn't long and once a week to co-habiting is massive esp when children are involved. That's a whole family you are becoming part of there. Take your time. Move at a pace you are comfortable. Perhaps work up to it more slowly.

Fratelli Sat 19-Dec-15 20:36:18

I think pps are right. You should build up to living together. You shouldn't feel so worried so just ask him to slow down a bit. If he's decent he won't mind.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now