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what causes extreme sexual pull to one person?

(17 Posts)
outlooksunny Sat 19-Dec-15 11:02:27

Is this all about how they look and how good they are in bed, or is there more to it?

I have this man in my life and we literally can't seem to stop. I know he has never been so attracted to anyone before and i haven't either.

I'm not sure if there's more to it or if amazing sex and touch just confuses the brain?

Tate15 Sat 19-Dec-15 11:06:32


I find done ordinary looking people very sexy and some extremely good looking people a complete turn off.

I also think you can dislike a person but be very sexually attracted to them.

FredaMayor Sat 19-Dec-15 11:44:06

Sometimes danger plays a part. Is this relationship you are happy to have people know about?

outlooksunny Sat 19-Dec-15 11:47:27

Yes there's no danger. It's just that we can't keep away from each other. Even if we try to.

I know it's chemistry but is that purely physical do you think?

timelytess Sat 19-Dec-15 11:59:22

Must be chemistry. When I find a man I really fancy, I see him as one to two feet taller than he really is (honestly. the world has a secret class of handsome giants. you should see them). But this happens as I see him for the first time, not after I've realised he's attractive. So there's something chemical/hormonal in it, and the body is aware of it before the conscious mind catches on. Its quite funny months later when it wears off and I find that they've kind of... shrunk.

Jw35 Sat 19-Dec-15 12:21:30

When someone turns on your mind, sex is out of this world

outlooksunny Sat 19-Dec-15 12:41:13

Yes. I am wondering if it being so breathtaking and amazing means we also have a mental connection

Rockluvvindad Sat 19-Dec-15 13:23:33

If you believe the research of scientists, which Prof Robert Winston did a fantastic TV show about a few years ago, it is that nature has decided that your genes are a perfect match with which to produce strong, healthy offspring, and thus ensure the furthering of your genetic lines. Basically he was suggesting that we are so civilised now, and so "developed" that we tend to forget the very successful mechanisms that evolution has given us and are still very important in what we call "chemistry".

Pheromones, physical attributes, voice, smell, etc... will all play a part. I find that with my partner, I even love the way she smells... When we've had the weekend together, I almost find myself rolling around on the bed like a cat in a bed of catnip.

Those are all very physical attributes rather than mental ones... Nature doesn't really care about mental attributes that much since they aren't critical in breeding, but as we have learned to become more civilised, they have become important to us. We have developed into complex social beings rather than animals, so now we also find certain mental attributes attractive.

Most of the above is all very amateur psychology ! I'm fascinated by it, but my recall of the TV series and my lack of reading will no doubt make a professional gnash their teeth. I think the overall gist is correct though. smile

Don't overthink it. You've been lucky ! Go nuts ! smile With luck the mental connection will be as strong as the physical one.


Guiltypleasures001 Sat 19-Dec-15 15:37:00

Originally in the 18th century it was known as animal magnetism, can't remember the guys name who came up with the term think he was French.

outlooksunny Sat 19-Dec-15 16:10:59


I just think there's other men around offering me more in many senses. It's frustrating this is the one I can't stop wanting.

He's the same about me too. He just can't stay away.

We are like an explosion in AND out of the bedroom and we fight a lot!!!

He's very proud and stubborn but he had a six or seven day period and then he will do anything to see me. I can not stop myself.

Not sure it's a good thing!!

Jw35 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:16:38

Rock I love prof Robert Winston and physical attributes are our first cue in sexual attraction and very important. However if you don't have the mental connection these things don't tend to last and can be frustrating. You definitely need both. Also I've had crap sex with really attractive men I've fancied like mad but the guy I had things in common with, laughed with and loved deeply was the best sex ever despite not being physically as attractive

Vagabond Sun 20-Dec-15 14:31:38

It's called Limerence. Look it up, you will be rather fascinated.

munkynutts Sun 20-Dec-15 14:43:56

Agree with timelytess, guy I was obsessed with the first time I met him was convinced his hands were MASSIVE, afterwards realised they're fairly big but nothing spectacular

fishfingersinmysandwiches Sun 20-Dec-15 17:59:24

Timelytess yes! I've had the tall thing! Recently went to go and see a man I once felt crazy chem with. We had not seen each other in three years and low and behold, the bastard had shrunk grin

Why did I remember him as being so much taller? Which leads me to my next point - just because you have felt that pull with someone once, doesn't mean it will still be there years later...

EponasWildDaughter Sun 20-Dec-15 19:56:44

When we've had the weekend together, I almost find myself rolling around on the bed like a cat in a bed of catnip.

^ that made me laugh.

It must be the chemistry thing. I have it with DH. I adore the smell of him, especially when he gets in from work (builder). And strips off in the kitchen. All muscly and builder like .... Hmmmm ... grin

mineofuselessinformation Sun 20-Dec-15 20:21:31

There's a bloke at work who smells lovely.
Some months ago, I was struck by the sudden urge to drag him into a cupboard and shag him....
Since he's married, I kept it to myself, but it took me completely by surprise.

OnADarkDesertHighway Mon 21-Dec-15 08:42:41

For me it is a case of turning on my mind and then the sex being mindblowing.

Had known DP, then just a friend, for a few years and then the way he said something to me one time flicked a switch and I fancied the pants off him after that. He had fancied me since we met and we got together.

The first time he touched me was electric and two years later it is still the same and we cannot keep our hands off each other.

We are very in tune mentally, get turned on by similar things and I can spend ages thinking about stuff he has said to me as well as the sex. You have to connect mentally I think as well as physically.

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