mixing work and pleasure...

[azimazi]

I know what they say... never mix business and pleasure....

but i drunkenly got intimate with a (fanciable) client the other day. he's a new client, a friend of a friend, and I'm a bored lone parent.

he's only the second person I've been intimate with in three years, and weirdly I felt we had a connection. This does not just happen with me. I'm sure it was reciprocal. He seemed keen to hang out. It was a late night work meeting (only time available after my young DS goes to sleep) with wine involved. One thing led to another...!!

I can't recall every detail (in fact I was pretty wasted) but i thought we clicked. We spent the night talking and then...

Afterwards we exchanged pleasant texts but little since. I voiced my concern about working together in future given the circumstances saying I didn't want to make things difficult for either of us so was it a good idea to do more work together? he seemed up for it and initiated asking me to do a couple of projects. Why??

I did an hour or so's project work for him, emailed it and he hasn't replied for days. I feel a bit used but weird. He suggested a professional relationship was possible. He's a fairly professional guy and the work we've done together before has worked out fine. but the communication has become less and less since - started out frequently and then just dropped off. I haven't pestered him, I've been polite and friendly and professional. This is why I expressly asked was it a good idea to do the work together, and he said yes. Why?? So I feel weird that he's ignoring me now.

I know from my mate he has a little bit of a reputation as a ladies man, but that said we had a nice evening. Quite intimate. He said he's not been with anyone for a year. I actually believe him even though we don't know each other that well.

I guess I feel rejected. But the very least he could have done after encouraging me to do some work (post intimacy) for him is be professional and friendly. But nothing for ages. I am going to call him on it I think, but FFS why couldn't he be upfront about wanting to step back or whatever?

The work we did in the past he was pretty quick to reply so it's unusual.

I guess I am overinvested. I thought we clicked at the very least to allow for professional friendliness. But fuck me he should have known that things would get awkward. Why put me in the difficult position of asking me to do more work for him (against my warnings that it could be awkward), pretending it's all professional, then ignoring me for days?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Don't shit where you eat. Sorry.

I know from my mate he has a little bit of a reputation as a ladies man, but that said we had a nice evening. Quite intimate. He said he's not been with anyone for a year. I actually believe him even though we don't know each other that well. You sound a bit naive. Your mate tells you something and someone you don't really know tells you something and you believe the latter?

Has he paid you for the work you've done? Or is it not that kind of thing?

[azimazi]

thanks and i get it

i got paid for all the stuff I did prior to this.

following the intimate evening it's a bit early to expect payment as the little bit of work hasn't yet been signed off (and has been minimal in comparison to the stuff prior to it).

i know what you mean about sounding naiive. I guess you might be right.

I don't need the business, in fact am really busy generally careerwise. So it's no great loss on that front. I'm just gutted he couldn't be upfront with me about wanting to work together (or not). I tried to be pretty upfront about whether it was a good idea or not.

I just don't get why he would ask for my ongoing professional assistance (despite my voiced concerns) then ignore me. I guess that hurts.

[Bogeyface]

I just don't get why he would ask for my ongoing professional assistance (despite my voiced concerns) then ignore me.

Because he is a player and they say what they need to say to get what they want, then they sign off.

I think that the best thing that you can do is bill for the work you have done and turn down any future offers from him, be they professional or otherwise.

[BrokenGirl1]

Oof. Mixing work and intimate relationships never works.
He has realised this and is dealing with it badly by ignoring you.
Forget about him. Do not contact him again, re work or personally.
Take it from someone up at this hour upset because of a long, tortured involvement with someone I worked with...Suffice to say, it did not work out. Get out now.

[BrokenGirl1]

I just don't get why he would ask for my ongoing professional assistance (despite my voiced concerns) then ignore me. I guess that hurts.
Ex did this.
'Oh, we can totally work together and just be colleagues'...then ignored me. Just completely blanked. Seems to be busy with other work.
Men

[munkynutts]

To give the man the benefit of the doubt:

You expressed a desire to keep things very professional and continued to do so after he started making it so that you worked on more projects together. Its possible he thinks that that night was totally out of character for you and is getting a very 'cooled' vibe from you so is respecting you by keeping his distance.

I think it wouldn't hurt to send him a message asking him out.

[experiencedpresenthider]

I disagree munky I think sending him a message asking him out would be a very bad idea indeed.

[Whathaveilost]

Don't send any messages.
Just leave it. You will look like an over invested stalker and you now know he is a player.

What if he sends you a really shitty answer telling you todo one. You will feel worse then ever.

[azimazi]

hello everyone, back for a quick update and to get your thoughts on recent progress...

so following the saga outlined above I basically didn't bother emailing him back and have not heard a bean in 6 weeks.

then out of the blue he gets in touch with a polite formal email asking for help with a work matter (basically trying to use one of my professional advantages dressed up with another "oh and there'll be some more work for you coming up if you want it") but no mention of prior project he ignored.

So the cheeky feck thinks it's ok to ignore me (and my work) for weeks then get in touch as if nothing has happened, fail to mention the ignored project, and try to take advantage of a professional benefit I could provide for him?

I sat on it for a day or two and have sent a polite but fairly curt email saying I was a bit surprised to hear from him wanting favours, with no mention of the project, given he ignored me for several weeks etc and that I felt my professionalism had been taken for granted. (My email was pretty well worded without being rude or sounding too bitter just getting across my point of view professionally).

Currently awaiting a reply. I'll get over it if he doesn't bother to reply but at least he knows my thoughts on it...

just got to get it off my chest!! it's raked up all the shitty feelings I had at the time. I made a pretty good job of getting over it and emotionally purging in the meantime since 6 weeks ago but I'm quite surprised at the cheek of this sudden email.

[azimazi]

looking at the above it's been about 4 weeks, but still...!

[RedMapleLeaf]

I'd put it all down to a messy situation at an emotional time of year OP.

[Bobblehat10]

So let me get this right....

you got wasted and intimate.
Then you emailed him to say it was a mistake, please can you be professional. He said fine OK.
Then you worked together a bit more.
Now he's emailed you asking you to do some more work.
You emailed him a polite 'what the fuck are you doing' message.

I think you are over invested, and completely bonkers. He has completely respected your demand to keep it professional, and you are being politely rude. Not cool.
But maybe I've not understood something.

[worldgonecrazy]

It is possible to mix work and pleasure, and even go through situations such as a ONS with a work colleague, and then move on.

You do sound over-invested in it though. He is being professional, contacting you when there is work available.

Do you want a declaration of undying love from him? So you had sex with a player, you won't be the first or the last. That doesn't mean you should treat him any less professionally, i.e. exactly the way you would treat him if you had never had sex with him.

[RealityCheque]

No, bobblehat. You have missed something.

The work that OP did after getting intimate. That the fella completely ignored.

She's not bonkers. He's a twat. HTH

[RealityCheque]

Does anyone brother actually reading threads before posting?

He's not been professional at all worldgonecrazy

[Trills]

Expanded on Bobblehat's list:

You got wasted and intimate.
Then you emailed him to say it was a mistake, please can you be professional. He said fine OK.
Then you worked together a bit more.
And he ignored the work that you sent to him, did not comment on it, acknowledge it, sign off on it or pay for it
Now he's emailed you asking you to do some more work. Or maybe not more paid work, maybe a work-based favour?
You emailed him a polite 'what the fuck are you doing' message.

[MoMoTy]

You both have been unprofessional so you really have no reason to be feeling like he used you. I hope lesson learnt.

[Samantha28]

Do not get wasted with clients . Do not shag random clients, however fanciable . Both of these will damage your professional reputation .

[azimazi]

thanks those of you who bothered to read it

I don't think everyone read what I put above... or maybe I didn't make it clear.

following his confirmation that working together would be fine (despite my voiced concerns), I fulfilled my professional obligations (very professionally) and then he rudely ignored my work completely despite it being sent several times, which I found pretty fucking rude, as he had said working together would be fine

then gets in touch several weeks later out of the blue - to request something completely different - a work based favour - with no mention of the ignored project as if nothing has happened.

This I find beyond comprehension.

So whilst the getting together bit was a bit stupid (I would never do this if he hadn't also been a friend of a friend and there was no other social connection there) I just think he's been a cheeky cunt and taken my understanding and work for granted. Wanker. I'm pretty pissed off.

Lesson learned! I'm not hoping for any future relationship (working or otherwise) with him and am glad to be rid if that's how he behaves but I'm just kind of amazed as his cheek.

[Threefishys]

So he actually contracted you to do some work which you did and then he didn't acknowledge it pay for it is that right? Judge Rinder??!

[azimazi]

Yes that's right. I sent it a few times (maybe 3 - to his different email addresses - as he cited "email issues") and it was ignored completely despite requesting feedback in the cover email. I haven't asked for payment (it's not a massive amount and I can write it off) or chased again since due to not wanting to look like an overinvested idiot and the personal situation. I know he received the work.

I'm sorry I don't know who Judge rinder is?

[Threefishys]

Just me being common - he's on daytime tv

[azimazi]

sounds like I need his help

[OnGoldenPond]

Invoice him for work done. Follow your usual methods for chasing up payment if not paid within your normal payment terms. If no result use Small Claims Court for recovery. Exactly as you would with any non paying client.

Then turn down any further offers of work.

Sounds like he has the idea that your ONS entitles him to freebies from you.

Twat

[bjrce]

Op.
I think you handled yourself pretty well, following up with that curt email.
He's a smart fucker thinking a few weeks had passed, trying to get a work favour out of you and also not confirming reply of the prior project you did for him.
I think for you its a lesson learnt.