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PLEASE can somebody give me mother in law advice

(13 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

mummy250271 Sat 19-Dec-15 00:12:14

Hi, sorry if this sounds petty but I am distraught, my mil told my husband recently that I am never welcome to her house again (we have been married 20 years), she told him I am always nasty to her and she doesnt want to see me again. We dont know what has started this and she is too aggressive for me to approach her and ask her what has gone wrong. she has been keeping a diary for 18 years about things I have "done" or said to her !!! I saw her in the street and asked her what I had said and I said "you have put your son in a terrible position and run the risk of losing him", her reply was "well if it means I never see you again, it will be worth it" I love my husband more than anything but I am considering walking away so he can build bridges again with his family, I have truthfully never felt so depressed. I should also add that his mother stopped talking to her own sister 5 years ago also and nobody was ever clear of the reason why. Please give honest advice i would be so grateful xxx

RB68 Sat 19-Dec-15 00:25:06

she sounds deranged. I think you need to talk it through with your husband and suss out he feels I wouldn't walk away based on what she is saying at all

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 19-Dec-15 00:28:25

How old is she?
Has she always been difficult or is this new behaviour?

mummy250271 Sat 19-Dec-15 00:38:06

Thank you for your replies, I am grateful. RB68 hubby is adamant he has had enough of her (which makes me think she has been harping on about me behind my back for years, something has worn him down). Giddy - She is mid 60's and has always been difficult with all the women in her family, she is nicer than nice to men but ALWAYS has a sarcastic comment about any woman in her family. i should add she also has NO friends, nobody ever visits or rings. Maybe i have answered my own question and should just act as if she no longer exists lol x

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 19-Dec-15 00:55:01

You probably have answered it smile You can't change her behaviour but you can change your reaction to her behaviour. Don't walk away from your marriage. Don't force DH to choose. Carry on being you and don't let her control your life.

mummy250271 Sat 19-Dec-15 00:58:04

Thanks Giddy you are 100% right, I wont make him choose, he is too ncie for that. I will just carry on and forget about her. Merry Christmas xxx

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 19-Dec-15 01:01:39

Merry Christmas to you toofsmile Twenty years is too much to lose and a lot to celebrate!

florentina1 Sat 19-Dec-15 09:03:31

My MiL was difficult too, she also had a dislike of women. Over the years my OH, his DB and SiL had little to do with her.

I did everything for her, including paying for a kitchen and central heating, taking her shopping, inviting her for lunch regularly. I did this because my three children were very fond of her.

20 years ago my DD got pregnant "out of wedlock" as she put it. She would come to the house and refuse to speak to DD or her boyfriend.

Eventually my OH told her she was not welcome in our house unless she treated everyone with respect. He said that she had really hurt me with her behaviour.

Her reply was " she (meaning me) is the least of my concerns. She has never been any sort of daughter in law to me".

So please do not let this woman come between you and OH. Some women will never be happy unless they are hurting others.

mummy250271 Sat 19-Dec-15 09:33:59

Florentina1, thank you xx

Sadly they sound like two peas in a pod, nasty bitter jealous women. am moving on with my husband and my children. Merry Christmas xxx

IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 19-Dec-15 16:32:40

Hi there OP. It looks like you've posted in Bloggers Chat by accident. We're going to move this over to Relationships where we think the wise MNers there will have lots more advice and support for you. Best of luck with it all.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 19-Dec-15 17:12:49

No normal, sane person would think it would be appropriate to admit to having kept a dossier about someone else's behaviour for 18 years.

Notice that she's estranged from her own sister. For no reason that anyone can think of.

She's poisonous, and very possibly barking. Give her a very wide berth from now on. No good can come from any of you having further contact with her. She's made her bed so now she can lie in it et cetera et cetera.

JT05 Sat 19-Dec-15 18:58:41

My MIL was very difficult. She stopped speaking to her own mother for 20 years, until the old lady died. She stopped speaking to us for 3 years when our DSs were infants. She stopped speaking to her middle son and family for 4 years and unfortunately, died before renewing contact.
She had a serious personality disorder.

You have nothing to blame yourself for. Move on and enjoy your life. She will never enjoy hers.

mummy250271 Sat 19-Dec-15 21:52:51

Thank you so much for your replies (sorry for posting in wrong area), it is out wedding anniversary today and she has even not acknowledged that for her own son, so I guess her hatred and bitterness is stronger than the love for her own son - very sad life xx

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