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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

should I end it?

17 replies

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:05

We've been together 3 years and dp proposed in April. I was so surprised and shocked. It was amazing to finally have that ultimate promise. He truly is a lovely caring person.

We were on cloud 9... 3 weeks later I find out I'm pregnant! Shit!
So he panics and I panic but we decide it's what we want.

I'm now nearing my 39th week and it's all falling apart. Is this me or hormones? AIBU?

We work together, as in own a business. But we've never been equal! He has all the. Intellectual capital, and since baby he's become obsessed with money. AIBU to not care about the finances but rather just being a family?

He claims I do nothing or give in and not help. I tells me to grow up constantly and that once I've done so we can sort this... We met for lunch after he left the house for a think.
Sat in silence till our food came, sobbing I asked what he was thinking... His response was "the usual" which is clients, agents, work work work! It broke me.

That even at that very moment he couldn't stop and see. That at that very moment we were falling apart. He asked me what I want from life... Does anyone know the answer? I told him "to get through today and then tomorrow and then the next day".

No answer...
We then continued the "talk" through text as I couldn't bare him and he kept saying "it doesn't have to be like this!"

I don't know what to do? Do I leave? Baby no1 due and I don't believe he truly understands what is happening/going to happen.
(Refuses to do any research into birth and babies)

I own nothing. No assets at all even though I've built his mini empire with him... Not that I truly care...

AIBU to tell him I don't want him at the birth anymore? That he should make arrangements to leave? That we're done... We have a registra meeting for marriage license on Monday. Do I use that to see if he truly wants "us" or not give him the chance?

It's at the point now where I can't stop crying! That I feel hopeless.

This is supposed to be an amazing time for us and I feel at a loss! Help MN!

OP posts:

Report

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:09

He controls everything OP? He has all the money? do you have any part in the companies assets? Do you co-own?

ohYestoYestyn · 19/12/2015 00:14

hardly 'lovely and caring' if he tells you to grow up and show little respect. Can you speak for yourself, Op? demand he speaks to you with respect and that you helped him build the business. At least that way you won't feel so helpless.

ohYestoYestyn · 19/12/2015 00:14

shows, not 'show'.

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:14

Gosh just read that again. You have nothing, he has it all? well he jolly well doesnt.

Where do you live? Is it co-owned or rented.

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:15

Not really. There's nothing in my name ... That I know of. We live abroad and as such work there. I've come home to be with family as this is first grandchild and scary!

He called me and said that he is signing over shares to me... Arrived last week and moans that I've done nothing towards the co.
This after he told me I'm on maternity leave.
Have had to go back on that now...

Not having anything doesn't bother me. Previous relationships have left me with less! Seems I'm a sucker for this stuff!

OP posts:

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:18

No you arent. Sometimes we just dont see what's coming. I would actually stay home, dont go back. Where are you supposed to go back to?

LeaLeander · 19/12/2015 00:19

Not having the fruits of your own labor should bother you a great deal. How do you expect to live?! Depending on man after man for goodness sake?

You need to establish some way to earn a living because he certainly sounds ambivalent.

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:20

It's the fact that we're just about to have dc and he blames me for the fact he's toiling alone through this... That he wants time off too but can't.

Where can I draw the line between him blaming me for his lack of down time and me telling him that it's not my fault he can't let go.

He's had a tough year and non stop! I get it but am I to blame?

OP posts:

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:23

Currently staying with family which is making it all the more awkward!

We were planning to stay for a few months then returning home for a while... He has already asked me if I want to stay here with my family. I said no... Now I'm changing my mind.

OP posts:

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:24

Where is he from? where are you supposed to go back to? You are ready to drop op, do you want your child born in the uk? I would.

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:27

Lea

In some ways I have and in many I haven't. (For goodness sake)I had a career and fell in love. I lost myself but was passionate about what I did. Then it just became easier to help grow something together... I've never been a business owner, I didn't have a first idea on how to do it so learnt!

OP posts:

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:28

We're both British but he was brought up in Africa! I met him there and that's where we're based!

OP posts:

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:36

Stay home and have your baby here op.. He is never going to give you a thing. who cares. you have something more important going on as in another life.

Puffpastry1 · 19/12/2015 00:39

You can start your career again here. Why on earth would you go back to Africa where he holds all the cards? It will get far worse, he's showing his true colours a bit now, wait till you get to his home.

LeaLeander · 19/12/2015 00:47

There's another current thread by a woman who took her DC to her husband's home country and now is trapped in a horrid situation because she can't get the kids away without his permission.

I'd have my child in the UK and thoroughly research the laws of both countries if I were you, OP.

Tideaftertide · 19/12/2015 00:57

Thanks. Lealeander.

Paternal rights are favored where we live but I know he wouldn't be unreasonable!

I'm home now! Family are so excited for the Christmas gift but I can't seem to be excited anymore when I don't know what I should do.

I love him and was so happy that we were sharing this amazing thing together but now I'm confused and lost...

OP posts:

LeaLeander · 19/12/2015 01:25

"I know he won't be unreasonable."

How many women have rued those words?

Read "Not without my daughter" for starters.

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