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Help!! Moody, Grumpy and Miserable DH

(6 Posts)
Esmom Thu 17-Dec-15 23:13:17

Am at the end of my tether, my DH of 10yrs is constantly miserable, moody and negative. I can count the number of good days in a month he has with my one hand. Despite leaving together I am lonely and all my suggestions on doing something to alleviate his mood are met with a No!! Including seeing his GP, he is good with our DS and DD but when it comes to talk to me I am met with a frown. He will not go out with people I know or accept invites from my own friends or have them round. I go out on my own and when I get back he looks like he is carrying the world's problems on his shoulders. I sometimes feel like I have to be careful about things I say just in case....just a question brings on a frown. I sometimes cry myself to sleep and suggested moving out but he said no and asked if I was unhappy. You will think he'd know. My sisters say I have changed into a miserable person and have lost my sparkle. I use to be the person people went to when they wanted to feel better but not anymore.
Anyway this cannot go on and I need to know how others are dealing with their moody, negative and miserable partners. How can I help my husband be happier, more positive or have a joie de vivre?

Did i mention, I do all the housework and cooking, so I do not burden him with these things even though I could do with some help.

Thanks in advance for your help.

VintageMess Fri 18-Dec-15 00:00:28

Does he work long hours / hate his job?

happyanddappy Fri 18-Dec-15 05:48:34

Let him do some of the cleaning, cooking etc - it might help because 1) he will appreciate your efforts more - he might not be seeing what you are doing 2) it might give him concrete stuff to do rather than sitting around being miserable 3) it will be better for your relationship - you will end up feeling resentful/ unappreciated which won't be good for anyone's mood. He needs to make some effort - that effort could start with making the family dinner once a week or something (and you never know, he might find joy in it!)

That's all I have really, because in the end his happiness is his responsibility. Be kind to yourself and don't let him bring you down too.

wannabestressfree Fri 18-Dec-15 05:54:04

My partner has periods of the glooms and I just tell him straight- it helps we don't live together. I know what you mean though. It has a huge effect on your own well being when your propping someone up...
Can you not organise a day with him on your own or a family day out? I normally find if I am upbeat he gets the picture after a while and plays ball. It's hard though you have my sympathy.. .
All my partners family are like it. Very glass half empty..... Brother only goes out to work (gloomy) dad Sat in his chair the last ten years of his life watching tv and I am determined dp is not going down that road.....

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 18-Dec-15 06:53:21

What do you get out of this relationship now, what is in this for you?.

Is this really what you want to teach children about relationships, he is basically bullying you all into submission. He has it easy with you really; he has his moods catered to along with you doing all the housework for him.

You cannot help anyone either who really does not want to be helped. You cannot change him but you can certainly change how you react to him.

He is really dictating the mood of the house by being like this as well. None of your suggestions are met with anything other than a frown, he gets power from being like this and I would imagine that one or both his parents act the very same.

TooSassy Fri 18-Dec-15 06:59:02

OP poor you. It's a miserable situation.

My STBXH wasn't as bad if I'm honest but I had started to think of him as the mood sucking thundercloud....blush

I couldn't figure out what put him in those moods and what I could do to make it better. So I learnt to ignore him, which is not a great policy.
All I will say is this, his moods were nothing to do with me, they were all to do with him. He fundamentally wasn't happy with his life and I think he felt trapped with us.

I'm not by any means saying this is happening in your case, but something is going on and you need to both talk about it. You have to find the courage to press him and face this.

I would never have the courage to end it given we have young DC's but I found stuff out and he was out. In the last few months people have told me I look younger and happier without him. And honestly, it's a tough situation but on the whole I am.

Sit him down, talk to him and try to find out what sits behind this. Because it isn't fair, isn't right and you're not getting all the facts

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